Happiness is a warm mug

Since I'm at work today it must mean that Christmas is officially over yet again. That week off was really great, though, and I'm *somewhat* refereshed and ready to face another day of having the daily grind wear down my spirit, or whatever it is that it's doing. Since I'm pretty busy today, here is a short list of things that annoy me right now:

• Busybody coworkers who read the faxes I send after I've sent them and the sent pages are sitting in the machine waiting to be retrieved
• Weak coffee
• No creamer!?
• Live feeds that track where a page view originated from
• Random spiders appearing on my wall
• People who play dumb
• Having to work - on Saturday (my new boss's nickname is Lumberg)

But, just so that all that negative energy isn't released into the ether unbalanced, here's a list of things I'm looking forward to:

• Two days off in the middle of the week
• Fishing on New Year's Eve
• Sleeping in on New Year's Day
• Finished projects and met deadlines
• Moving my stuff upstairs into my new office at the end of the week
• Buying books with all the bookstore giftcards I got for Christmas

Some holiday cheer...

Have a wonderful Christmas! I'll see you on the other side...

How delightfully psychotic!

Today we all went out to lunch at the local old-people's buffet, and were greeted at the cash register by the most incongruously frightening waitress ever. I want you to close your eyes and picture the folowing combination: a (possibly) transgendered Thai dwarf in full Kabuki theater makeup, a nappy weave, and enough glitter to keep the arts and crafts industry in business forever...



On second thought, I don't want that image to haunt your dreams, so don't close your eyes, and now you should think of kittens and snowangels, or whatever else takes you to your happy place. Lord knows I can't afford to pay for your therapy...


My husband and I have whole the week off (I can't believe I'm bored already, but, yeah...I am). The grandparents offered extended babysitting until Christmas Eve, so we're unexpectedly kid free for a few days and taking advantage of it by going to go get sushi in a few minutes, and then I think I'd like to drive around and look at holiday decorations. The shopping is finished, and so is most of the wrapping, so I'm going to try and use th rest of the time to relax, because starting next week there's no rest for the weary.

Step 1: Om

Step 2: Nom nom

Step 3: Repeat as necessary

Now, if you'll look to your left, we have a display of authentic Portents of Doom...

Remember what I was saying, just yesterday? How after my new coworker accepted then suddenly unaccepted that job, that things couldn't possibly get more...befuddled and potentially bad? I was so wrong. Silly, naive little me...

Today during the "transition" meeting with my division, where we were busy eviscerating the bloated carcass of my almost five year career downstairs to be parceled out to various support staff and promptly mangled and devoured, the boss got called away very suddenly. An emergency meeting involving the president of the company had been announced earlier in the day, which was strange, because of the very hushed up secretive nature of this particular meeting, which was in direct opposition to the way things normally operated when she'd pay us one of her (blessedly) infrequent visits. They were usually photo-ops, and involved the press. So already I could sense that something out of the ordinary was going down. When the boss returned from his jaunt over to wherever he'd been called to, he called the supervisors out of the meeting, leaving me to go over some details with the staff. Nothing was said when they all came back and the meeting was pretty much over, although there was some whispered conversation that I didn't quite catch on to at that point.

Fast forward to a little later in the morning. A series of official emails get sent out on behalf of the president that say the VP of my branch has been "reassigned", effective the first week of January, AND they've already chosen her replacement - all signs point to this being a permanant placement, not a stop-gap measure of appointing a temporary VP in place until a search could be undertaken. This has been a long time coming, so it shouldn't entirely be a surprise to anyone who has been paying attention. I've heard rumors to this effect for months now. And, if the word working its way down the grape vine is at all true, this is only the beginning. They let the ax fall at the top of the hill...I have no doubts that this may be in preparation for them to clear-cut all the way to the bottom, if that's what it takes to stop the bad press. I saw a lot of shell shocked faces on the administrative floor this afternoon. I saw a few surreptitious smiles and knowing looks as well, which is to be expected from those who may serve to gain in this changing tide. Now the only question is...who's next?


My husband decided he wanted steak for dinner tonight, so we drove around for a bit looking for a resturant that wasn't too packed with last minute holiday shoppers and ended up at the fancy joint up the street that offers the free steak on your birthday, since they didn't look busy. I should have taken that as a sign. It took our waitress over ten minutes to acknowledge us and take our drink order. We noticed that she had a table that was taking a lot of her attention, so we gave the benefit of the doubt and chalked up her slow service to the other table being needy jerks. We got our appetizer and bread, but our salads took a little longer than I thought bits of lettuce and green olive sitting in an oily pool of cheap dressing should take. Then, we waited for our entrees. And we waited. And waited some more. Eventually, we got a manager to come to our table an explain why, over an hour after we'd stepped foot in the restaurant, we didn't have our steaks in front of us and couldn't find our waitress. He tried to give us some cock-and-bull about how the entrees were put in thirty minutes after drink and appetizer orders, at which point he caught on to the fact that we weren't buying it, and offered to check on the progress of our dinner. Our plates were brought right out less than a minute later (delivered by a different member of the wait staff, so what the hell our waitress was doing I just can't begin to imagine)...with room temperature food sitting on them! I mean, the kids chicken tenders should be so fresh out of the frying oil that you burn your fingers on them. These were soggy and greasy, and barely warm. Our steaks were cooled, and I think the plates had been under warming lamps because the butter for my baked potato was all melty - and not from the heat of the potato, because it was also about room temperature. I was ticked because we'd been sitting there for nearly an hour and a half waiting for steaks that cost upwards of twenty dollars apiece, and our waitress had obviously let them sit there. We expressed our unhappiness to the manager, especially because we'd originally been planning on doing some shopping after dinner and hadn't planned on taking that long, and also because our food was pretty much ruined. The service just sucked. The manager was nice about it and removed the chicken tenders from the bill (which even then came to over fifty dollars) and then came back and gave us vouchers for free steaks for our next visit. When the waitress brought the check it was messed up and she acted really confused, so we had to waste even more time getting the bill fixed, and by the time we walked out the door we'd been there for two freaking hours!! So, they'll be really lucky if there even *is* a next time. And probably only because I had vouchers for free steak...

Portents of something slightly less dramatic than doom

My soon to be boss invited me out to lunch with all of my new coworkers, which was nice. We gorged ourselves on Cuban-style cuisine, including flan for dessert. The boss chose that setting to tell the department that the person she'd hired as the new business manager decided to turn down the job offer after initially accepting it (she'd already attended a couple of brainstorming sessions and was supposed to actually start in January). They don't know if they'll offer the position to the seond choice who no one was really crazy about, or start the search all over again. I don't know what this means for me, either, but I've moved half my stuff to my new office, and tomorrow I'm supposed to meet with my current departments to outline how my transition upstairs will be undertaken, and discuss whose workload is changing because of the restructure. I'll be surprised if there isn't any resistance from the rank and file, and I don't want to be put in a position to have to remind some people about how they should feel pretty lucky to even have a job...

The mile deep chasm between "want" and "need"

Coffee didn't get made today until noon. NOON!! WTF!? By lunch time no one wants coffee! Well, someone else will have to buy the next canister, it is no longer my problem. So that's some consolation. Even though a cup of coffee would have made a world of difference in pepping up my tired old carcass this morning...

I have decided that no matter what happens - no matter who gets the raise that I didn't get for doing only part of the job that used to be mine...no matter who gets the brand new furniture and computer that not only did I not get, I had the sense to not even ask for because how does that look in the midst of a freaking budget crisis when people are losing their jobs...no matter that they're so eager to push me out the door into a smaller office surrounded by slightly batty ladies in the throes of mid-life so that they can give this space to a local politician who works here (and he already has a perfectly functional office in the next building over) because he lobbys for us - I'm going to grin and bear it. I'll do the best I can to manipulate this into a workable opportunity, and I'll try to ignore the little stings and slights that are so easy to personalize.

Haha - the coworker from down the hall who always asks about my blog just came in and was talking to me. I mentioned my move upstairs, which apparently a bunch of people don't know about (not like they should, but...), so I had to explain that whole thing. It makes less sense when I try to explain it to people than it apparently does to my boss. I still haven't seen my full job description, either.

New motto: Smile. Maybe not like you mean it. But like you want to mean it, anyway.

In other news - 10 days until Christmas!!!

In memorium, with gratitude

Legendary pinup model Bettie Page has passed away after recently suffering a stroke. I still remember the day I discovered the Grand Dame of pinup modeling (and fetish modeling, too, but that's another thing for another time...). Up until then I was convinced - like many girls of a certain age just discovering the conventions and trappings of "glamour" in the contemporanious sense - that Marilyn Monroe was the end all and be all. At the same time, I'd secretly been an admirer of Mae West, because none of my friends at that age had any clue who she was (they were a boring lot and I eventually lost interest in them), as well as jazz-era stars Clara Bow and Louise Brooks, so I had already formed opinions and ideals to a certain extent "just be be different". There were few contemporary mainstream models or actresses who fascinated me as much as those three, with the exception of Winona Ryder, whose movies I watched almost religiously and whose hairstyle I copied after graduating high school. (I also briefly copied Bettie's style during a certain phase in my early 20s...note I say briefly)
Discovering Bettie in my late teens caused me to reevaluate the reasons behind who and what I chose to emulate , and changed the course of how I viewed "alternative" lifestyles and sexuality (also another topic for another time). In images of Bettie I saw someone who was genuinely open and obviously content with just being in the moment, and I envied that. As a teenager, I always felt closed off and not quite in synch with what went on around me. I usually did my best to maintain a certain level of detatchment, and as a result, I often felt isolated and didn't have as much fun as other people around me. I was almost always in a constant state of doing everything I could to avoid being embarassed and to avoid feeling uncomfortable...in short, to avoid being noticed at all. But living with your guard up at all times is no way to go through life, and I was feeling old beyond my years by living in fear of other people's opinions. It was also making me a cynical and judgemental person in return, which made me no fun to be around.
Around the time that I started to discover Bettie Page I began to realize that I was missing out on a lot of experiences and opportunities by being so aloof. In Bettie I saw someone whose image basically said "Here I am. Just me, being myself. Take it or leave it, but by choosing leave it you might be missing out on some seriously fun times". I began to endeavor to lighten up, and over time I was able to become, to a degree, a more easy going and more open person in general. I still have my moments, and there are times when I'm stressed when all I want to do is be cynical and detatched (and be left alone entirely, shunning human contact). But overall I've become a more fun loving and playful person as an adult than I ever was as a kid. I'm okay with being goofy and being involved in things that could lead to embarassment. For example - a couple weeks ago at Johnny Rockets with my mom and my youngest sister I had a root beer pull a Mt. Vesuvius on me and explode when I accidentally put a straw with vanilla shake on it in my soda. The old me would have been humiliated and been pretty upset, but no strangers pointed and laughed or threw their fries at me to express their derision at my stupidity and lap full of soda so I just laughed at myself over the dumb thing I did. It was funny.
Icons like Bettie are a lot of different things to different people. For me, she was a window into a future of feeling more free to just be myself, whoever that ended up being. For others she's just a sex symbol. Bettie herself wasn't much for all of the hoopla surrounding her infamy, and in her later years shied away from publicity and attention. I can respect that. But to generations of Americans her image will continue to evoke a sense of something either lost (innocence) or gained (liberation), and so she's not entirely gone.

Thar she blows!

I was sitting in my son's classroom for a parent teacher conference this morning when the rain that was expected today manifested itself into a torrential downpour and it was announced over the PA system that the county was under a tornado watch. I decided to hustle out of there, and since my husband had taken the umbrella today, Mrs. W loaned me the spare one she kept in one of the cubbies. I took the interstate and drove to work in practically monsoon conditions where I couldn't see more than a few feet in front of my car. I walked through the swiftly running puddles in the parking lot by the library in open toed shoes which now have a squeak, and my pant legs are soaked. Since I've been working on a building head cold, I'm sure being wet and cold will be what brings about my first real illness in quite a while.

One of the upper level managers in a closed door meeting with my boss has such a poor concept of "indoor voice" that I can clearly hear every word she is loudly screeching. She does this even when she's standing right in front of you.

My new office is dusted and cleaned, so in a few minutes I'm going to start transporting the minutae that makes up my work necessities upstairs. I'm working on getting a key a little early, and I'm helping with the forms to get my new coworker access, since supposedly she is technically already an employee, even though she doesn't start until the second week in January. This is another example of how the managers and administrators can stretch or bend the rules to get whatever they want...except when it comes to getting me more money. At this point, I'd take a gift card and pat on the head. At least it is something akin to an incentive. I need a little motivation to give a care, these days...Plus, I'll be taking some of my workload up with me "temporarily" until we "transition". Yeah. We tried that shit two years ago. I'm still paying those bills and doing a lot of the paperwork that was supposed to be reassigned once they got more staff (which never happened - and I never got a dime for this extra work, mind you), so I don't need a crystal ball to see where this is going.

Fading into nothing

Today I have already run the emotional gamut from amused to bitterly disappointed and back again. I have managed to make myself cry. Twice. I typed up a job description for my new job that isn't a promotion and even more strictly limits my options with this corporate entity, all in exchange for a chance to look a four brand new walls, but more of the same general bullcrap work and bullcrap politics. I watched a bunch of departing colleagues be recognized for their "contributions", while my name wasn't mentioned - very few people have even muttered a congratulatory word in my direction for this "amazing new opportunity" (which I now have to reference sarcastically because this job, it is becoming very clear, is neither "new", nor much of an "opportunity") - and then watch as two people were thanked for putting on the office party that several of us worked through lunch to help decorate for yesterday. I knew that was going to happen, but it hurt just as much as I expected and I wasn't able to fight back my resentment, as much as I tried. I should know my role by now, shouldn't I? Maus, the Invisible and Expendable. She works hard, so you don't have to.

Goose-egg

We picked up the boy at after-care today just after an incident involving him and the playground tire swing. Specifically, it involved the tire swing hitting him in the side of the head. When we got to school, our little over dramatizer was spread out, prone, on the stage in the cafeteria and holding a rubber glove full of ice to his temple. He proceeded to get upset, which led to him getting sick all over himself. He does that sometimes. We got him home, bathed, and settled in bed for a nap to calm his headache. He's got a fairly decent sized knot right next to his eye, but since he's now up watching 'Good Eats' with dad and eating a big bowl of mac 'n' cheese, I'd say he's fine.

I recently learned something new about the livestock ordinances in my town. It is actually not illegal to own chickens within the city limits, but in order to do so, one must get the permission of everyone living within 100 feet. And roosters are verboten, due to the noise ordinances. This does not explain the rather raggedy rooster that lives behind the vacant house across the street, or the almost (but not entirely) feral rabbits that have popped up in the neighborhood this year. I don't know where the city stands on ducks, but we get enough of those wandering around as it is. I'd much prefer goats over chickens, but I think it might be harder to hide something the size of a dog from code enforcement...

Three words.

Cold. Tired. Grumpy.





I need coffee. I'll give it another few minutes, and then I'll make some myself if I have to.

Update: It is now 4 pm. I never got myself coffee and my hands have been cold all freaking day. Why are we running the a/c? My body is achey and I'm working on a small headache. At least I got some work done today. Not that I really felt like it...

Ghost in the machine

The following videos demonstrate the vicious antagonism exhibited by my cat towards the Canon printer I have. She seems to think it is posessed by demons. She'll stand on the top of the desk and poke her head into the paper output every time we go to print something. She hasn't attempted to destroy the machine yet, but I think it may be because she's waiting to develop fully opposable thumbs.

A change will do some good

I had this ranty post all typed up in a flurry of angst and fury this morning and something told me to just put it in draft and walk away for a minute. I'm calmer now, but full of anxiety. In my fit of fury I did two things: First, I vented to my boss about something that's been a problem for a while (namely, the supervisors not knowing their own accounts and relying on me to supply the information for them, which means that on more than on occassion that I may have processed something through the "wrong" account because I was relying on my best judgement and I'm not a damn mind reader), and second, I inquired about my pending move upstairs, and I was told I would be moving at the same time the new business manager would be starting. She accepted the position, and starts in January, so I had an "Oh crap" moment where I saw that looming in front of me. I've been expecting it, but now it seems like more of a reality instead of a hypothetical, and I'm not as prepared as I should be.

So the fiscal manager and I have a meeting next week to draft a job description, finalize roles, and determine what detritus of my time down here I get to drag upstairs with me. I have a lot to do between now and then...

The timing is good, though. I've been getting more easily frustrated lately at my coworkers (some of them have been giving me static for a while, and are surprised that they're now getting it back in spades) and my boss has been mildly sympathetic so far, but it's time to move on so that I can learn some new things and do something more worthwhile with my time. Since I'll be upstairs in the shark tank, I'll have to watch my back, of course, but I'll be closer to some of the people I've developed a "network" with (as the boss likes to call it). I'll walk softly and carry a bang-stick.

I don't know whether they'll supply the computer, or if I'm going to be able to take the one I have now, so I'll have to back up my files just in case. I've already been asked by the people I'll be sharing the suite with to pick out which little office I want (yes, I'll get another office with a door...I'm spoiled now), because they've known longer than anyone else that this was being planned. I may not get the office I chose, but I'll be too busy to mind - and as long as it has a door plus four walls and a ceiling, that's all I ask. I couldn't give a darn about a window - I don't need some creepy squirrel peeping in at me or having to witness the reproductive habits of pigeons while I'm trying to work, anyway.

I haven't decided on a decor theme for my space - I'm not carrying over the theme I started down here, since it'll feel too much like I never changed locations, and it's kind of a half-a$$ed attempt anyway. I'm open to ideas! I was thinking "retro" everything, but I'm not sold on that idea yet...it just gives me an excuse to go to the flea market.

Speaking of change. My husband was told yesterday that because of the holiday, hours were being cut back at his second job. He was told he doesn't need to come in until after Christmas. So I'll have him around on the weekends all this month, which hasn't been the case for about three years. It's a weird concept for us to wrap our brains around, and I'm pretty sure that by the end of the month he'll be out of his mind with boredom and I'll be desperate to get him out of my hair, but we're going to try and make the most of it and spend some time together.

We took the little guy to visit Santa at the mall last night. It was a surprise, and when it came time to go and talk to the big guy, the poor kid was nervous. It took a little coaxing to get him over to Santa, but he was able to ask for everything on his list, and Santa was a pro - he said all the right things and reminded my son that he and the elves would do their best to fufill his holiday wishes, but couldn't make any promises. Then we hung out with an old friend of my husband's who is a manager at Macy's and who he'd fallen out of touch with a little. It was cool to reconnect and now they have plans this weekend to hang out and catch up.

Buyer's remorse

We got our Christmas tree from the local big-box hardware store last night. We considered getting another artificial tree, but they were a little on the pricey side, so maybe in a couple of years - when my son's excitement over selecting and installing a live tree has lessened. I let the boys pick the tree this year, so we ended up with a different kind of pine than usual, and a much taller tree. I'm partial to fraser fir, because of the smaller size and sturdy branches. The downsides to a fraser are that the needles are very sharp and the trees have a lot of sap, which gets everywhere when you're getting the tree decorated. Well, last night after dinner we get the tree out of the truck and haul it into the house. I'd pointed out to my husband that the trunk was curved when he was having the chosen tree bundled for transport, but he figured that it was just the very base, and it wouldn't be a big deal when the tree was in the stand. Wouldn't you know it - the WHOLE trunk of that tree is at an angle. We reset the tree in the base three times, and still couldn't get it to not have a lean. We ended up putting the tree in the stand a little off kilter, becaus what would in any other tree be straight judging by the poisiton of the trunk in the stand meant that ours was leaning at a precarious angle. Even now, set up and decorated, the tree has a little bit of a lurch. We've decided that it gives the tree character.

Manners matter!

There is a young "lady" here to see one of the supervisors. I say "lady" because of the way she is splayed out on the chair in the reception area, with her leg over the arm of the chair and her other leg, clad in a dingy flip-flop, tucked up under her on the seat of the chair. Sweetness, this is not your bedroom. You (and the rest of your posse who have already displayed considerably questionable judgement and behavior) are here for a meeting, not to daydream about which of the Jonas Brothers is your secret boyfriend. You might want to act more appropriately. As in - like the grown up you're supposed to be.

The word on the street is that over the weekend there was an incident at the library that's adjacent to my building. This incident apparently involved two individuals supposedly "gettin' it on" in one of the quiet rooms. The only room that *just happens* to not be fully enclosed by glass. I guess the hallowed stacks of higher learning just do it for some people? Sometimes this place can be so full of surprises...and a high "ick factor", too.