Happiness is a warm mug

Since I'm at work today it must mean that Christmas is officially over yet again. That week off was really great, though, and I'm *somewhat* refereshed and ready to face another day of having the daily grind wear down my spirit, or whatever it is that it's doing. Since I'm pretty busy today, here is a short list of things that annoy me right now:

• Busybody coworkers who read the faxes I send after I've sent them and the sent pages are sitting in the machine waiting to be retrieved
• Weak coffee
• No creamer!?
• Live feeds that track where a page view originated from
• Random spiders appearing on my wall
• People who play dumb
• Having to work - on Saturday (my new boss's nickname is Lumberg)

But, just so that all that negative energy isn't released into the ether unbalanced, here's a list of things I'm looking forward to:

• Two days off in the middle of the week
• Fishing on New Year's Eve
• Sleeping in on New Year's Day
• Finished projects and met deadlines
• Moving my stuff upstairs into my new office at the end of the week
• Buying books with all the bookstore giftcards I got for Christmas

Some holiday cheer...

Have a wonderful Christmas! I'll see you on the other side...

How delightfully psychotic!

Today we all went out to lunch at the local old-people's buffet, and were greeted at the cash register by the most incongruously frightening waitress ever. I want you to close your eyes and picture the folowing combination: a (possibly) transgendered Thai dwarf in full Kabuki theater makeup, a nappy weave, and enough glitter to keep the arts and crafts industry in business forever...



On second thought, I don't want that image to haunt your dreams, so don't close your eyes, and now you should think of kittens and snowangels, or whatever else takes you to your happy place. Lord knows I can't afford to pay for your therapy...


My husband and I have whole the week off (I can't believe I'm bored already, but, yeah...I am). The grandparents offered extended babysitting until Christmas Eve, so we're unexpectedly kid free for a few days and taking advantage of it by going to go get sushi in a few minutes, and then I think I'd like to drive around and look at holiday decorations. The shopping is finished, and so is most of the wrapping, so I'm going to try and use th rest of the time to relax, because starting next week there's no rest for the weary.

Step 1: Om

Step 2: Nom nom

Step 3: Repeat as necessary

Now, if you'll look to your left, we have a display of authentic Portents of Doom...

Remember what I was saying, just yesterday? How after my new coworker accepted then suddenly unaccepted that job, that things couldn't possibly get more...befuddled and potentially bad? I was so wrong. Silly, naive little me...

Today during the "transition" meeting with my division, where we were busy eviscerating the bloated carcass of my almost five year career downstairs to be parceled out to various support staff and promptly mangled and devoured, the boss got called away very suddenly. An emergency meeting involving the president of the company had been announced earlier in the day, which was strange, because of the very hushed up secretive nature of this particular meeting, which was in direct opposition to the way things normally operated when she'd pay us one of her (blessedly) infrequent visits. They were usually photo-ops, and involved the press. So already I could sense that something out of the ordinary was going down. When the boss returned from his jaunt over to wherever he'd been called to, he called the supervisors out of the meeting, leaving me to go over some details with the staff. Nothing was said when they all came back and the meeting was pretty much over, although there was some whispered conversation that I didn't quite catch on to at that point.

Fast forward to a little later in the morning. A series of official emails get sent out on behalf of the president that say the VP of my branch has been "reassigned", effective the first week of January, AND they've already chosen her replacement - all signs point to this being a permanant placement, not a stop-gap measure of appointing a temporary VP in place until a search could be undertaken. This has been a long time coming, so it shouldn't entirely be a surprise to anyone who has been paying attention. I've heard rumors to this effect for months now. And, if the word working its way down the grape vine is at all true, this is only the beginning. They let the ax fall at the top of the hill...I have no doubts that this may be in preparation for them to clear-cut all the way to the bottom, if that's what it takes to stop the bad press. I saw a lot of shell shocked faces on the administrative floor this afternoon. I saw a few surreptitious smiles and knowing looks as well, which is to be expected from those who may serve to gain in this changing tide. Now the only question is...who's next?


My husband decided he wanted steak for dinner tonight, so we drove around for a bit looking for a resturant that wasn't too packed with last minute holiday shoppers and ended up at the fancy joint up the street that offers the free steak on your birthday, since they didn't look busy. I should have taken that as a sign. It took our waitress over ten minutes to acknowledge us and take our drink order. We noticed that she had a table that was taking a lot of her attention, so we gave the benefit of the doubt and chalked up her slow service to the other table being needy jerks. We got our appetizer and bread, but our salads took a little longer than I thought bits of lettuce and green olive sitting in an oily pool of cheap dressing should take. Then, we waited for our entrees. And we waited. And waited some more. Eventually, we got a manager to come to our table an explain why, over an hour after we'd stepped foot in the restaurant, we didn't have our steaks in front of us and couldn't find our waitress. He tried to give us some cock-and-bull about how the entrees were put in thirty minutes after drink and appetizer orders, at which point he caught on to the fact that we weren't buying it, and offered to check on the progress of our dinner. Our plates were brought right out less than a minute later (delivered by a different member of the wait staff, so what the hell our waitress was doing I just can't begin to imagine)...with room temperature food sitting on them! I mean, the kids chicken tenders should be so fresh out of the frying oil that you burn your fingers on them. These were soggy and greasy, and barely warm. Our steaks were cooled, and I think the plates had been under warming lamps because the butter for my baked potato was all melty - and not from the heat of the potato, because it was also about room temperature. I was ticked because we'd been sitting there for nearly an hour and a half waiting for steaks that cost upwards of twenty dollars apiece, and our waitress had obviously let them sit there. We expressed our unhappiness to the manager, especially because we'd originally been planning on doing some shopping after dinner and hadn't planned on taking that long, and also because our food was pretty much ruined. The service just sucked. The manager was nice about it and removed the chicken tenders from the bill (which even then came to over fifty dollars) and then came back and gave us vouchers for free steaks for our next visit. When the waitress brought the check it was messed up and she acted really confused, so we had to waste even more time getting the bill fixed, and by the time we walked out the door we'd been there for two freaking hours!! So, they'll be really lucky if there even *is* a next time. And probably only because I had vouchers for free steak...

Portents of something slightly less dramatic than doom

My soon to be boss invited me out to lunch with all of my new coworkers, which was nice. We gorged ourselves on Cuban-style cuisine, including flan for dessert. The boss chose that setting to tell the department that the person she'd hired as the new business manager decided to turn down the job offer after initially accepting it (she'd already attended a couple of brainstorming sessions and was supposed to actually start in January). They don't know if they'll offer the position to the seond choice who no one was really crazy about, or start the search all over again. I don't know what this means for me, either, but I've moved half my stuff to my new office, and tomorrow I'm supposed to meet with my current departments to outline how my transition upstairs will be undertaken, and discuss whose workload is changing because of the restructure. I'll be surprised if there isn't any resistance from the rank and file, and I don't want to be put in a position to have to remind some people about how they should feel pretty lucky to even have a job...

The mile deep chasm between "want" and "need"

Coffee didn't get made today until noon. NOON!! WTF!? By lunch time no one wants coffee! Well, someone else will have to buy the next canister, it is no longer my problem. So that's some consolation. Even though a cup of coffee would have made a world of difference in pepping up my tired old carcass this morning...

I have decided that no matter what happens - no matter who gets the raise that I didn't get for doing only part of the job that used to be mine...no matter who gets the brand new furniture and computer that not only did I not get, I had the sense to not even ask for because how does that look in the midst of a freaking budget crisis when people are losing their jobs...no matter that they're so eager to push me out the door into a smaller office surrounded by slightly batty ladies in the throes of mid-life so that they can give this space to a local politician who works here (and he already has a perfectly functional office in the next building over) because he lobbys for us - I'm going to grin and bear it. I'll do the best I can to manipulate this into a workable opportunity, and I'll try to ignore the little stings and slights that are so easy to personalize.

Haha - the coworker from down the hall who always asks about my blog just came in and was talking to me. I mentioned my move upstairs, which apparently a bunch of people don't know about (not like they should, but...), so I had to explain that whole thing. It makes less sense when I try to explain it to people than it apparently does to my boss. I still haven't seen my full job description, either.

New motto: Smile. Maybe not like you mean it. But like you want to mean it, anyway.

In other news - 10 days until Christmas!!!

In memorium, with gratitude

Legendary pinup model Bettie Page has passed away after recently suffering a stroke. I still remember the day I discovered the Grand Dame of pinup modeling (and fetish modeling, too, but that's another thing for another time...). Up until then I was convinced - like many girls of a certain age just discovering the conventions and trappings of "glamour" in the contemporanious sense - that Marilyn Monroe was the end all and be all. At the same time, I'd secretly been an admirer of Mae West, because none of my friends at that age had any clue who she was (they were a boring lot and I eventually lost interest in them), as well as jazz-era stars Clara Bow and Louise Brooks, so I had already formed opinions and ideals to a certain extent "just be be different". There were few contemporary mainstream models or actresses who fascinated me as much as those three, with the exception of Winona Ryder, whose movies I watched almost religiously and whose hairstyle I copied after graduating high school. (I also briefly copied Bettie's style during a certain phase in my early 20s...note I say briefly)
Discovering Bettie in my late teens caused me to reevaluate the reasons behind who and what I chose to emulate , and changed the course of how I viewed "alternative" lifestyles and sexuality (also another topic for another time). In images of Bettie I saw someone who was genuinely open and obviously content with just being in the moment, and I envied that. As a teenager, I always felt closed off and not quite in synch with what went on around me. I usually did my best to maintain a certain level of detatchment, and as a result, I often felt isolated and didn't have as much fun as other people around me. I was almost always in a constant state of doing everything I could to avoid being embarassed and to avoid feeling uncomfortable...in short, to avoid being noticed at all. But living with your guard up at all times is no way to go through life, and I was feeling old beyond my years by living in fear of other people's opinions. It was also making me a cynical and judgemental person in return, which made me no fun to be around.
Around the time that I started to discover Bettie Page I began to realize that I was missing out on a lot of experiences and opportunities by being so aloof. In Bettie I saw someone whose image basically said "Here I am. Just me, being myself. Take it or leave it, but by choosing leave it you might be missing out on some seriously fun times". I began to endeavor to lighten up, and over time I was able to become, to a degree, a more easy going and more open person in general. I still have my moments, and there are times when I'm stressed when all I want to do is be cynical and detatched (and be left alone entirely, shunning human contact). But overall I've become a more fun loving and playful person as an adult than I ever was as a kid. I'm okay with being goofy and being involved in things that could lead to embarassment. For example - a couple weeks ago at Johnny Rockets with my mom and my youngest sister I had a root beer pull a Mt. Vesuvius on me and explode when I accidentally put a straw with vanilla shake on it in my soda. The old me would have been humiliated and been pretty upset, but no strangers pointed and laughed or threw their fries at me to express their derision at my stupidity and lap full of soda so I just laughed at myself over the dumb thing I did. It was funny.
Icons like Bettie are a lot of different things to different people. For me, she was a window into a future of feeling more free to just be myself, whoever that ended up being. For others she's just a sex symbol. Bettie herself wasn't much for all of the hoopla surrounding her infamy, and in her later years shied away from publicity and attention. I can respect that. But to generations of Americans her image will continue to evoke a sense of something either lost (innocence) or gained (liberation), and so she's not entirely gone.

Thar she blows!

I was sitting in my son's classroom for a parent teacher conference this morning when the rain that was expected today manifested itself into a torrential downpour and it was announced over the PA system that the county was under a tornado watch. I decided to hustle out of there, and since my husband had taken the umbrella today, Mrs. W loaned me the spare one she kept in one of the cubbies. I took the interstate and drove to work in practically monsoon conditions where I couldn't see more than a few feet in front of my car. I walked through the swiftly running puddles in the parking lot by the library in open toed shoes which now have a squeak, and my pant legs are soaked. Since I've been working on a building head cold, I'm sure being wet and cold will be what brings about my first real illness in quite a while.

One of the upper level managers in a closed door meeting with my boss has such a poor concept of "indoor voice" that I can clearly hear every word she is loudly screeching. She does this even when she's standing right in front of you.

My new office is dusted and cleaned, so in a few minutes I'm going to start transporting the minutae that makes up my work necessities upstairs. I'm working on getting a key a little early, and I'm helping with the forms to get my new coworker access, since supposedly she is technically already an employee, even though she doesn't start until the second week in January. This is another example of how the managers and administrators can stretch or bend the rules to get whatever they want...except when it comes to getting me more money. At this point, I'd take a gift card and pat on the head. At least it is something akin to an incentive. I need a little motivation to give a care, these days...Plus, I'll be taking some of my workload up with me "temporarily" until we "transition". Yeah. We tried that shit two years ago. I'm still paying those bills and doing a lot of the paperwork that was supposed to be reassigned once they got more staff (which never happened - and I never got a dime for this extra work, mind you), so I don't need a crystal ball to see where this is going.

Fading into nothing

Today I have already run the emotional gamut from amused to bitterly disappointed and back again. I have managed to make myself cry. Twice. I typed up a job description for my new job that isn't a promotion and even more strictly limits my options with this corporate entity, all in exchange for a chance to look a four brand new walls, but more of the same general bullcrap work and bullcrap politics. I watched a bunch of departing colleagues be recognized for their "contributions", while my name wasn't mentioned - very few people have even muttered a congratulatory word in my direction for this "amazing new opportunity" (which I now have to reference sarcastically because this job, it is becoming very clear, is neither "new", nor much of an "opportunity") - and then watch as two people were thanked for putting on the office party that several of us worked through lunch to help decorate for yesterday. I knew that was going to happen, but it hurt just as much as I expected and I wasn't able to fight back my resentment, as much as I tried. I should know my role by now, shouldn't I? Maus, the Invisible and Expendable. She works hard, so you don't have to.

Goose-egg

We picked up the boy at after-care today just after an incident involving him and the playground tire swing. Specifically, it involved the tire swing hitting him in the side of the head. When we got to school, our little over dramatizer was spread out, prone, on the stage in the cafeteria and holding a rubber glove full of ice to his temple. He proceeded to get upset, which led to him getting sick all over himself. He does that sometimes. We got him home, bathed, and settled in bed for a nap to calm his headache. He's got a fairly decent sized knot right next to his eye, but since he's now up watching 'Good Eats' with dad and eating a big bowl of mac 'n' cheese, I'd say he's fine.

I recently learned something new about the livestock ordinances in my town. It is actually not illegal to own chickens within the city limits, but in order to do so, one must get the permission of everyone living within 100 feet. And roosters are verboten, due to the noise ordinances. This does not explain the rather raggedy rooster that lives behind the vacant house across the street, or the almost (but not entirely) feral rabbits that have popped up in the neighborhood this year. I don't know where the city stands on ducks, but we get enough of those wandering around as it is. I'd much prefer goats over chickens, but I think it might be harder to hide something the size of a dog from code enforcement...

Three words.

Cold. Tired. Grumpy.





I need coffee. I'll give it another few minutes, and then I'll make some myself if I have to.

Update: It is now 4 pm. I never got myself coffee and my hands have been cold all freaking day. Why are we running the a/c? My body is achey and I'm working on a small headache. At least I got some work done today. Not that I really felt like it...

Ghost in the machine

The following videos demonstrate the vicious antagonism exhibited by my cat towards the Canon printer I have. She seems to think it is posessed by demons. She'll stand on the top of the desk and poke her head into the paper output every time we go to print something. She hasn't attempted to destroy the machine yet, but I think it may be because she's waiting to develop fully opposable thumbs.

A change will do some good

I had this ranty post all typed up in a flurry of angst and fury this morning and something told me to just put it in draft and walk away for a minute. I'm calmer now, but full of anxiety. In my fit of fury I did two things: First, I vented to my boss about something that's been a problem for a while (namely, the supervisors not knowing their own accounts and relying on me to supply the information for them, which means that on more than on occassion that I may have processed something through the "wrong" account because I was relying on my best judgement and I'm not a damn mind reader), and second, I inquired about my pending move upstairs, and I was told I would be moving at the same time the new business manager would be starting. She accepted the position, and starts in January, so I had an "Oh crap" moment where I saw that looming in front of me. I've been expecting it, but now it seems like more of a reality instead of a hypothetical, and I'm not as prepared as I should be.

So the fiscal manager and I have a meeting next week to draft a job description, finalize roles, and determine what detritus of my time down here I get to drag upstairs with me. I have a lot to do between now and then...

The timing is good, though. I've been getting more easily frustrated lately at my coworkers (some of them have been giving me static for a while, and are surprised that they're now getting it back in spades) and my boss has been mildly sympathetic so far, but it's time to move on so that I can learn some new things and do something more worthwhile with my time. Since I'll be upstairs in the shark tank, I'll have to watch my back, of course, but I'll be closer to some of the people I've developed a "network" with (as the boss likes to call it). I'll walk softly and carry a bang-stick.

I don't know whether they'll supply the computer, or if I'm going to be able to take the one I have now, so I'll have to back up my files just in case. I've already been asked by the people I'll be sharing the suite with to pick out which little office I want (yes, I'll get another office with a door...I'm spoiled now), because they've known longer than anyone else that this was being planned. I may not get the office I chose, but I'll be too busy to mind - and as long as it has a door plus four walls and a ceiling, that's all I ask. I couldn't give a darn about a window - I don't need some creepy squirrel peeping in at me or having to witness the reproductive habits of pigeons while I'm trying to work, anyway.

I haven't decided on a decor theme for my space - I'm not carrying over the theme I started down here, since it'll feel too much like I never changed locations, and it's kind of a half-a$$ed attempt anyway. I'm open to ideas! I was thinking "retro" everything, but I'm not sold on that idea yet...it just gives me an excuse to go to the flea market.

Speaking of change. My husband was told yesterday that because of the holiday, hours were being cut back at his second job. He was told he doesn't need to come in until after Christmas. So I'll have him around on the weekends all this month, which hasn't been the case for about three years. It's a weird concept for us to wrap our brains around, and I'm pretty sure that by the end of the month he'll be out of his mind with boredom and I'll be desperate to get him out of my hair, but we're going to try and make the most of it and spend some time together.

We took the little guy to visit Santa at the mall last night. It was a surprise, and when it came time to go and talk to the big guy, the poor kid was nervous. It took a little coaxing to get him over to Santa, but he was able to ask for everything on his list, and Santa was a pro - he said all the right things and reminded my son that he and the elves would do their best to fufill his holiday wishes, but couldn't make any promises. Then we hung out with an old friend of my husband's who is a manager at Macy's and who he'd fallen out of touch with a little. It was cool to reconnect and now they have plans this weekend to hang out and catch up.

Buyer's remorse

We got our Christmas tree from the local big-box hardware store last night. We considered getting another artificial tree, but they were a little on the pricey side, so maybe in a couple of years - when my son's excitement over selecting and installing a live tree has lessened. I let the boys pick the tree this year, so we ended up with a different kind of pine than usual, and a much taller tree. I'm partial to fraser fir, because of the smaller size and sturdy branches. The downsides to a fraser are that the needles are very sharp and the trees have a lot of sap, which gets everywhere when you're getting the tree decorated. Well, last night after dinner we get the tree out of the truck and haul it into the house. I'd pointed out to my husband that the trunk was curved when he was having the chosen tree bundled for transport, but he figured that it was just the very base, and it wouldn't be a big deal when the tree was in the stand. Wouldn't you know it - the WHOLE trunk of that tree is at an angle. We reset the tree in the base three times, and still couldn't get it to not have a lean. We ended up putting the tree in the stand a little off kilter, becaus what would in any other tree be straight judging by the poisiton of the trunk in the stand meant that ours was leaning at a precarious angle. Even now, set up and decorated, the tree has a little bit of a lurch. We've decided that it gives the tree character.

Manners matter!

There is a young "lady" here to see one of the supervisors. I say "lady" because of the way she is splayed out on the chair in the reception area, with her leg over the arm of the chair and her other leg, clad in a dingy flip-flop, tucked up under her on the seat of the chair. Sweetness, this is not your bedroom. You (and the rest of your posse who have already displayed considerably questionable judgement and behavior) are here for a meeting, not to daydream about which of the Jonas Brothers is your secret boyfriend. You might want to act more appropriately. As in - like the grown up you're supposed to be.

The word on the street is that over the weekend there was an incident at the library that's adjacent to my building. This incident apparently involved two individuals supposedly "gettin' it on" in one of the quiet rooms. The only room that *just happens* to not be fully enclosed by glass. I guess the hallowed stacks of higher learning just do it for some people? Sometimes this place can be so full of surprises...and a high "ick factor", too.

When those clowns go marching in

Happy Feast of Thanksgiving!!

The boy and I got up early this morning, and I made breakfast. Now we're watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade (since my husband nixed the Christmas music during breakfast). For a modern cynical child, my son sure is enthralled by the parade floats. Later we'll be going to partake in the traditional overendulgence and gluttony with my husband's family. I expect the following: Much consuming of starches...drinking to excess...possible drama incited by the typical family dynamic and free flowing alcohol...and napping.

Tomorrow we'll get the Chrismannukah decor out of the attic, since we'll probably get the yule tree over the weekend, and I'm actually going to brave Black Friday. Pray for me to pass through this trial in safety.

Well, actually, I'm just going to the scrapbooking store with my mom. They're having a HUGE SALE. So the worst that might happen is that I get in a minor squabble over die cuts with a middle aged lady in one of those seasonal knitted sweaters with appliqe and pom-poms.

Nothin' says lovin'...

So I just made dough for molasses cookies based on an Amish recipe. Word to the wise: always check the serving sizes. I got to the point of adding the flour and thought "six cups??". Yeah. "Makes eight dozen cookies". The first dozen is in the oven cooking - this is going to take a while.

M called earlier. We haven't gotten together to hang out for a while. It's been a little tough lately, since we live so far apart, have such different schedules and, of course, money (the lack of it, anyway) is always a consideration. We''l have to do something about our slump in the new year.

Work has been. Just...been. I've had a huge project I've been working on for a couple of weeks. I get two phone calls every day checking on the progress. Thankfully, my part is pretty much done, since the deadline was to have it wrapped up as much as possible before the Thanskgiving break. Now, all I have to do is periodic updates - it is up to the department to pursue their substantial uncollected revenue. The hard part is that the accounting system only gets updated periodially, so the reports I get my data from aren't real-time, compared to where those repots are in fact pulling from. The bosses want me to get access to the other system, so that I can update the revenue report every day. I won't even go into the reasons why I balk at this, except to say that I guess everything else I do would be taking a back seat. The new business manager was offered the job, and starts at the beginning of January. So that's exciting - I'm glad they chose who they did, since I think she was without question the best candidate for that job (as it's written on paper...but we all know how that goes).

Because the schools are closed for a full week for Thanksgiving, I worked half days Monday and Tuesday and took my son into work with me in the afternoons. It was an experience I don't wish to repeat any time soon, but everyone was really patient about it. Hopefully they realize that the options are either bring him with me and get a little work done or stay home and get nothing accomplished, except for excessive napping - which, in and of itself is awesome, but really unproductive.

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice"

Since the holiday shopping season is now in full swing, I thought I'd do a little public service for those who haven't quite decided what to get for the hard-to-shop-for in their lives, to make the gift buying ordeal a little less painful this year. Trust me. You'll thank me later. And if you don't...

Well, Santa can easily take back the Aqua Globes and ShamWow, mister!

First up, we have the Snuggie - a innovative blanket with sleeves. Perfect for that batty old Aunt who was just released from the asylum and misses the reassuring warmth and snug fit of the mandatory straitjackets. Plus, it is shaped to fit like a dumpy friar robe, so its fashionable as hell.



Next, there are the Tini Puppinis. They may look at first glance like harmless stuffed animals. But look closer. Go ahead, I'll wait.




Do you see it? They're wearing clothes! Slightly...skanky clothes, to be precise. In the commercial one of the plush toys is even potrayed as saying "I love my tail in these jeans". Weren't Bratz enough? Now we've moved on to ratcheting up the slut factor of stuffed dogs in the march to ensure the trampification of our impressionable youth? The website even features a section where you can skank out an online puppini by tarting it up in oddly proportioned, barely-coordinating outfits (sans knickers) in the "fashion show designer", or let your precious snowflakes practice slathering virtual makeup on animals in the "makeup designer" - perfect for the budding animal researcher in your brood.



Other swell holiday gift ideas include anything sold late at night on cable channels that no one watches except insomniacs and cat ladies. Examples of such products include the Strap Perfect (which resembles some sort of torture device) and the uncomparable Pancake Puff Pan.



Because nothing says "I love you!" quite like the thoughtless gift of a unitasking junk food preparation device that cooks up unappetizingly mediocre dough balls and adds to your kitchen clutter!

The bloodsucking Brady Bunch!

I've put off talking about this as long as possible, but I find that I just can't delay the inevitable any longer...

General Disclaimer: I have not read a single book in the Twilight series, so, by all means, take the opinions expressed here (strictly those of the author, yadda yadda), with a grain of salt. Also, be warned: there are considerable SPOILERS lurking here.

Who the hell is the idiot who decided that the main character of a movie based on a book about hyper-sexualized (and yet somehow oddly prudish and pent up) supernatural beings should look like this:

Why do film makers always make vampires look so damned aenemic?? I understand that he's a member of the legion of night-stalking undead and all that (granted, in the novel, the Cullens don't drink *human blood* :cough:plotdevicecop-out:cough:), but come on. The trailer is so many shades of the teenage experience - all slouching and brooding and awkward tension. And THEN! Bang. Smash. The formulaic and utterly predictable battle of good...ish versus evil...er. At least, I guess that's what the second act is. I had to watch the trailer on mute.

Now, normally I'm very receptive to the anti-hero archetype, but from what I've read (and now seen) of Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight Saga' series, I don't think I'm willing to buy into the hype based on how thinly drawn the characters seem to be - and, even more so, the Romeo-and-Juliet style gothic romance that passes for the primary plot in this murky, diluted little serial drama. I'm not much of a fan of the vampire genre, generally, even when it is done well. So the fact that this series takes serious license with the traditional vampire mythology, without adding anything of merit to the lore itself, is disappointing. Honestly - for anyone wanting to get an idea of why the angst-ridden fangirls and bodice-ripping matrons have made this particular author a pile of money for a sub-par piece of literary fluff that can't even compete with the Harry Potter series in terms of quality, following, and (potential) longevity, all you need to know is what the star of the film adaptation thinks of the source material, and the intentions of the woman who is responsible for it:

When I read it, it seemed like (grimaces) I was convinced that ... Stephenie was ... convinced that she was Bella, and uh, and you, it wasn't, it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her ... her sort of sexual fantasy about some -- especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, "Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy" and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that it's like, I was just convinced that, that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation and I -- sometimes you, like, feel uncomfortable reading this thing".

"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't to that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus he's an 108 year old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."

So, there you have it. Twilight in a nutshell: teenage. vampire. porn. With religiously influenced moral undertones, because where else would you expect to read passages from Genesis and proselytizing on the merits of waiting until marriage (is wedding the bloodsucking undead even legal??) to consumate your forbidden passions with your demon lover?

Like a kind of poetry

(My workplace is somewhere in this picture - can you guess which building I'm in?)

This morning there was a blanket of fog hanging over the tops of the buildings downtown. There should be a little bit of a cold front moving in to bring the temperatures down this weekend. As I was walking to my building along the sea wall a small snook came into the shallows and kept pace with me until I reached the harbor. I've noticed an increase in the number and variety of sea birds using the docks and fishing closer to the marina, and there's been an osprey using one of the buildings as a platform during its circuits on the parimeter around the basin.

I'm a little tired today. I was up late reading Hyperion, so now I'm about three quarters of the way through, at the point where Brawne Lamia is relating her reason for being on the pilgrimage. I was reading some spolier-free reviews, and the comparisons to Chaucer's Canterbury Tales is pretty accurate. I've also noticed a distinct theme in each of the traveler's stories. The beginning of Lamia's was very reminiscent of a pulp detective novel, with a bit of role reversal. I'm enjoying all of the references to Keats, as well. I thought the story of the Weintraubs was appropriately tragic, and I was reminded of both The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (coming soon to a theater near you...) and, to a lesser extent, Counterclock World. But I have a sense that, obviously, nothing is as it seems with any of these stories. I'm waiting for the traitor to be revealed - I'm sure it won't be who I'm thinking it is at this point.

A need for strong and burnt coffee compelled me to wander over to the bookstore and even though they didn't have the second book in the Hyperion series in stock (the selection at that particular B&N is limited because it's an unusually small store), I did pick up Pratchett's Lords and Ladies and The Man in the High Tower by PKD. This is Dick's alternate future novel, which I've heard a lot of praise for - according to the forward, it heavily relied on one of my favorite books as a reference: The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shirer. I got a lot of funny looks while toting that huge volume around in 9th and 10th grade...more than once someone actually had the nerve to ask me if I was a neo-Nazi (me of all people?! C'mon now!). I always had to explain that it was an account of historical fact, not a damn how-to manual.

It is our most modestly priced receptacle

I received a statement from one of my retirement accounts in the mail today. I just...shouldn't have opened the envelope. I'm sure they could hear the mournful keening as far away as the mountains of Tibet. They probably thought it was an unhappy Yeti, though.

I have Veteran's Day off. I hope to get some things accomplished, run some errands, that sort of thing. We're enclosing our porch, so we may pick up the door and the window, so that we have everything ready Saturday to be installed. Originally, the plan was to go fishing. But my pole is broken, and it's the wrong time of year, anyway, so we're scrapping that.

I picked up some books on vacation - I just finished Pratchett's Witches Abroad, and now I'm eager to start at the beginning and work myself to the middle. I just started Hyperion this evening, and thanks to a Fark thread that main-paged today, I've added to my wishlist (again). I'll post my full Amazon list, eventually.

I hope to spend a little time on my day off doing some reading, if I'm lucky. And then I ope to retunr to work with a renewed sense of purpose and motivation. To say I've been slacking is to be understating things quite a bit.

I was going to post a video for the song 'They' by Jem. It seems to have been blocked by YouTube for "content", however. So, instead, you can have Slinky Cat:



Who walks the stair without a care
It shoots so high in the sky.
Bounce up and down just like a clown.
Everyone knows its Slinky.

The best present yet to give or get
The kids will all want to try.
The hit of the day when you're ready to play
Everyone knows it's Slinky.

It's Slinky, It’s Slinky
for fun it's the best of the toys
It's Slinky, It’s Slinky
the favorite of girls and boys.

Now, from beyond the grave...

The rumor that just won't die!

So.

NOW I'll be moving upstairs some time around the beginning of the new calendar year - supposedly. This is what I was told today. Two weeks ago I was told that once one of the other departments moves downstairs, and the new position was filled to round out the "team", then space would be made for me up in empty suites within what I affectionatly refer to as "The Shark Tank".

Maybe now they'll make up their minds, stop jerking me around, and get down to business?

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.

Life is just one damned thing after another. ~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

I just made the mistake of reading some of my posts from the inaugural year of my blogging experiment, begun way back in Naught Six. I realized two things:

1. I was funnier and less bitter back then
2. I used names, and didn't even attempt to hide identities.
3. Somehow, in those 400 and change very randomly published posts, I've managed to not use the same post title more than once. Now that I consider an accomplishment! I may have ruined that streak with today's post title, though, so...D'oh!
   

So, this weekend I will be slogging through my own archives and deleting identifying information. And reflecting on the hardened, angst filled, criminally un-funny shell of my former self that I see refelcted in the morass of complaint and kvetching that my blog is currently. What I'm sure I'll conclude is that I need to get out more. My soul craves adventure and rockin' good times. And much, much less of the soul-crushing desk-jockey drama. As John la Carre once said: a desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world.

Yes. We. Did.

What else is there to say...?

(Illustration by Patrick Moberg)

We flipped my state and made that baby Blue!

The downside was that a measure to ban gay marriage and gay civil unions in Florida's state Constitution was pretty much passed. The amendment to the State Constitution not only limited the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman, but also banned legal unions and their "substantial equivalent," which could raise the question of whether public employers, like community colleges and the city and other government agencies, can continue offering health care benefits to domestic partners.

That damn proverbial straw.

The boss, the boss's boss and the head of HR just paraded down here to take pictures with my coworker because she was selected as one of "employees of the month". They made a big fuss over the fact that she "answers the phones cheerfully, without complaint". Oh really?! Without complaint, eh? I guess I'm suffering from auditory hallucinations, then? And one gets lauded now for answering the damn phones?

Jesus farking cripes.

Is it petty to feel this way over something so trifling? Probably. Do I still feel overlooked and underappreciated, and that I'm toiling away at a damn near thankless job and wasting countless hours behind this desk? Very much so. But I have bills to pay, so I'll grin and bear it...or grit my teeth and stealthily vent to some of my more sympathetic compatriots who are just as demoralized and disgruntled as I am. (Supposedly a friend of mine from upstairs is going to nominate me for the warm and fuzzy Employee of the Month award for this month, anyway, but it's hardly the point if my boss thinks so little of me that HE can't be bothered to freaking nominate me himself. Maybe if I answered phones and surfed the internet all day...)

Regardless, I spent part of the morning updating my resume. Too bad the job market is in the crapper, or I'd throw out a line and see what bites.

Sometimes, the jokes write themselves.

Case in point: A Pope and a phyisicist walk into an evolution conference...

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) – Pope Benedict told a gathering of scientists including the British cosmologist Stephen Hawking on Friday that there was no contradiction between believing in God and empirical science.

***

In an interview with Reuters last year, Hawking said he was "not religious in the normal sense."
"I believe the universe is governed by the laws of science," he said. "The laws may have been decreed by God, but God does not intervene to break the laws."

(Is it wrong that I have so many images of Stephen Hawking?)

I'm back from vacation. My workplace was still standing when I went in this afternoon, so that was kind of a mixed blessing, wasn't it.

Ugh. My husband is glued to CNNs election eve coverage. I'm anxious to see this election season at an end. I can barely stand all the rhetoric and attempts at whipping up fear and paranoia. This type of event, it seems to me, often brings out who people really are, deep down, and there have been times in the home stretch of this race where I've seen a very unflattering glimpse of people I would normally consider rational and reasonable. Regardless of who you choose to vote for, at least exercise one of your fundamental liberties and vote. For me, the choice is clear...

Bon voyageeee

We leave before the crack of dawn tomorrow for our long planned vacation. I warned my husband months ago that there'd be a chance of snow. He didn't believe me. This is what the national Weather Service predicted for Tuesday morning:

That blue area? SNOW. The forcast is a 70% chance of precipitation on Monday, with a chance of snow...60% chance on Tuesday, with a high probability of snow (as indicated on the map), and then it is supposed to warm up Wednesday afternoon and be at least decent for the rest of the trip. We'll have to scrap some of our plans, since the weather decided not to cooperate. Instead we'll spend a couple of days hanging out, drinking hot cocoa and reading. Maybe we'll play outside, if we get the *right* kind of snow.

The car we rented is so nice, we might have to get one for ourselves. It's a 2009 Pontiac G6 with leather interior. We discoverd that it came equipped with satellite radio, which will be a Godsend, as well as a compass, which will also probably be a Godsend. Plus, an amazing feature that I didn't even know existed - heated seats! That is just...amazing!

I got my new glasses in time for the trip. I'll have to get used to these new frames...I'm not too sure of them yet. I may have made regretable choices. One pair is okay, with a slightly cat-eyed retro shape, although they don't provide the coverage I'm used to with my old glasses. The other pair remind me a little of Linda Cardellini's portrayal of Velma Dinkley in the Scooby-Doo movies.

Which is interesting, considering that Velma (along with Daria Morgendorffer) is one of the characters I'm most often compared to. Jinkies...

It's time to finish packing and go back over our list of things to do before we leave. I'll bring back a snowball for you.

Because it's a small world, after all.

From a recent article about filming the adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's novel "The Road", which has been delayed by the studio for a later release date. It couldn't have anything to do with the story being terribly bleak and dystopian, I suppose?

Spoilers, ahoy, people - you've been warned!:

"The Road" began filming in late February, mostly in and around Pittsburgh, with a later stop in New Orleans and a postproduction visit planned to Mount St. Helens. The producers chose Pennsylvania, one of them, Nick Wechsler, explained, because it's one of the many states that give tax breaks and rebates to film companies and, not incidentally, because it offered such a pleasing array of post-apocalyptic scenery: deserted coalfields, run-down parts of Pittsburgh, windswept dunes. Chris Kennedy, the production designer, even discovered a burned-down amusement park in Lake Conneaut and an eight-mile stretch of abandoned freeway, complete with tunnel, ideal for filming the scene where the father and son who are the story's main characters are stalked by a cannibalistic gang traveling by truck.

No kidding - I'll be there about five days from now. Only part of the midway burned, not the whole park (the work of some g-damned arsonist). If I can get into the park, which had been closed for a while even before the midway fire, I plan on taking some pictures.

This was the midway, after the fire:

Spheres of influence

Last night my lovable, goofy son managed to make me a little sad that he's getting older and growing up. I was helping him get his backpack ready for school in the morning and he was kind of singing to himself, so at first I didn't catch on to the words coming out of his mouth. But then he repeated it, a bit louder, and I just stopped what I was doing and stood there for a minute, a little surprised. I couldn't quite belive what I'd heard so I asked him to repeat it again. Then, since I knew I couldn't be the only one to have to bear witness to the corruption of my impressionable child, I asked him to go in the living room and sing it to his dad. Apparently, the song wasn't enough - he had to get into character for this "performance". So, what song was my darling first grader singing, decked out in gold mardi gras beads, a backwards ball cap and oversized sunglasses? Flo-Rida's "Low". The part where the lyrics go "Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)/Boots with the fur (with the fur)/The whole club was lookin at her/She hit the flo (she hit the flo)/Next thing u kno/Shawty got low low low low low low low low".

I had to look the lyrics up - I thought that song was by Usher. As you can probably figure, my husband and I aren't huge fans of hip hop (my son gets his love of "rocking out" and playing air guitar from his father's collection of classic rock and hair band music...he gets his fondness for They Might Be Giants from yours truly). After that delightful display (complete with dance moves, to boot), we had to ask where he picked that routine up. We figured it would have been in his after school program. But we were wrong. The little friend that he sits with at lunch taught him the song and the moves, as well as introducing him to that exaggerated hip hop style that he is treating as a costume - so far. I had to give my son a small lecture about how some things are for kids and some things - like that song- really aren't, just to make myself feel like I was having a positive affect on a kid who will now be more greatly influenced by his peers than by his parents. It's bad enough he's been asking for a skateboard for months, and has started to gravitate towards clothes that I see mini skater punks twice his age wearing. I'm losing my kid to the inexorable influence of the wider world. I'll just have to work even harder to instill good judgement in him, now. But I draw the line at saggy, drawer-bearing pants and hypersexualized mysoginy, no matter what!

I heard you missed me. I'm back.

I've been busy getting ready for an upcoming vacation - a much needed vacation. Of course, I'm all stressed about all the things that will need to be done this week at work so that nothing goes terribly wrong next week when I'm not here. I also had to go out and buy some cold weather clothes, since down here it is in the 60's and we consider that "chilly". I just checked the 10 day forcast for our destination, and right now it is predicted to snow. SNOW! You have no idea how excited this makes me. Even if there are just flurries (which, considering that it'll be raining the first part of the week, it may be some actual decent flurries), this would be special because my son has never seen snow. My husband is having second thoughts about his decision to not buy thermals, so this week we get to rush around trying to find some, and I want everyone to get boots since it's probably going to be muddy.

I was recently shocked to discover that Target has appropriated the Japanese advertising mascot Domo-kun into their in-store Halloween advertising. Did no one from their marketing department bother to Google Domo before doing this? Seriously...

For those who aren't familiar, the most common (infamous) Domo-related image to be found on the internet is a photoshopped image of Domo chasing a kitten with the tagline "Every time you masturbate ... God kills a kitten." In internet years, it's quite old, too - been around since the at least the early 2000's. Of course, looking at what we've done to the Sanrio brand, none of it surprises me at all. I'm thinking of buying a Domo doll and putting it in my office (orrr...someone could get me one for Christmas??).


Now for the serious stuff...

In the wake of Colin Powell's late-in-the-game endorsement of Barack Obama (for which Rush Limbaugh is calling the retired United States General and former member of President Bush's administration who donated to McCain's faltering campaign last year an "ungrateful racist"...because Limbaugh isn't either of those two things himself, obviously ...eyeroll...), one of the forums I frequent *a little too frequently sometimes* has devolved into a battleground, divided between a small group spewing vicious jingoistic rhetoric - armed to their sharp little teeth with bigotry and somewhere between seriously questionable judgement and downright ignorance - and the rest of the forum posters, who now get to deal with fending off or downright refuting a rabid chorus of claims of racism and the prediction of the fall of "white society" to socialism and a minority-favoring welfare state full of "traitors".
It actually scares me a little, that the mindset of some people has sunk to that level and actaully spreads to others, ratcheting up their collective vitriol and misplaced anger or sense of middle class "injustices".
I like to think that even though everyone carries a little grain if some kind of biases against others, that there are enough reasonsed, rational people who won't fall for the tactics that are being employed by certain groups...and that in a couple of weeks the majority of citizens of this country will overcome their differences and make the right choice for the future of the nation, so that we aren't represented by those who would drag us down to be mired into this "us vs them" mentality that will reinforce and even encourage divisivness. We haven't come this far as a people and a nation to let ourselves be dragged to the brink of the resurrection of McCarthyism and extreme racial and social discord, have we? We're better than this!

It's always something...and at the same time, a whole lotta nothin'

Tomorrow I have an appointment to get new glasses. Last night I somehow got a giant scratch on one of my lenses, which just capped off a very frustrating day. My son isn't doing as well in school as he should (and can), and this is causing a little tension as my husband and I struggle with how to address it. We have different approaches to parenting and discipline, and it's creating a little bit of conflict. Also, I've officially OD'd on campaign coverage. The running joke in my house is that every time we see Anderson Cooper on tv one of us has to yell out "Super Duper"...then the other one has to respond with something tactless ending in "pooper". I'll leave it to your imaginations, although I can hint that it's usually referencing buggery. My husband and I are keeping it classy, as always.

Speaking of classy...

ROLFMAO:




Our neighbor is allowing the homeless addict who mows his lawn to now sleep in a broken down van in his back yard. So it's not down by the river, and there seems to be a lot of beer and not a too much government cheese, but when I realized what was going on just beyod my fenceline the other night I was...less than pleased. I guess our neighbor the crazy cat man has graduated on to collecting people.

I've come to the realization that there is just no pleasing some people. The boss's assistant was using a really old computer that has been having issues - because the ditz occupying that space before her took the computer that was there and we had to scramble to find a machine since we didn't have funds to purchase a new tower at that time - so I recently made the suggestion that she switch her computer out for one of the newer models that recently became surplus. Now she has a newer, faster machine with upgraded versions of the old programs she was running. And all she can do is complain about how she can't find any of her documents and she had to relearn these programs and wahh wahh wahhh. Not to mention the reminders about how the chair she's using is borrowed, and needs to be returned to the office it came from. I told her yesterday that another office was getting rid of some chairs, and she should go and check them out to see if there was anything that might work for her, but I think she'd rather play chair-martyr because she's holding out for brand new. Knowing that she's applying for other jobs and considering the luck we've had keeping a body planted at that desk for more than six months at a time for the last couple of years, I'm not entertaining the thought of making that kind of investment just to see turn over in that position yet again.

RANDOM LEGO STEPHEN HAWKING!!!

Brace for impact

I am sans bosses for the remainder of the week. Which is cool. But also...less than motivating, for some reason. Plus, my office is cold, and that always puts a damper on my work ethic. Being cold makes me want to curl up under my desk and take a nap, but I have to be here to put out the inevitable fires (including the ones I start myself...). We had training sessions all day yesterday, and one of the upstairs managers came down earlier to ask our opinion of the training - if it was helpful or not, and I had to say it was. What I don't understand is that when we get to the subject of recordkeeping, people who have been here longer than me act all flustered and frustrated, like they have no clue how to make it work and react as if we haven't been having these conversations about improving the systems for over a year now. There's a rumor making the rounds that some of us may see merit increases at some point later in the year. Whether this scuttlebutt is true and even if I'd see an extra penny remains to be seen.

I just spent the better part of the late morning dealing with a state inspector, a state-employed customer service rep who made me want to reach through the phone and commit a violent act, and some of my coworkers who just spent an inordinant amount of time pointing fingers at one another and lieing through their teeth. I even had to call people at home on their vacation! Your tax dollars at work.

The vacation countdown has begun. Currently at 16 days and holding - it can't come soon enough (fall foliage here we come).

I have my CDP mix-tape trade project to finish Friday night. I was excited by the prospects of the theme I was given ('I used to love you, baby, but you got real ugly'), since I immediately hit on the exact tone and vibe I wanted for the collection of songs, and the story I wanted to tell. I'm running behind (as usual - when am I on time for anything, ever?), but the objective is to actually get the CD in the mail - by Monday afternoon, no later. Just mailing the thing out will be, in my mind, quite the accomplishment, since I failed in the very first trade to meet my obligation and screwed someone out of a CD of righteous tunage.

I got an e-mail for participating in the local Race for the Cure event this past weekend. Ummm...

Yeah. We were there, right M? ;)

Oh, and the *ecomony* is still staying afloat, somehow. It's muscles are seizing and it's barely treading water, but it hasn't gone under for good yet.

(The US economy - setting records and breaking clocks, daily!)

So, in case there are tough times ahead...My husband taught himself to make home made mayonnaise and I'm baking our bread, and the garden for next spring is already being plotted since we were given some carrot and squash seeds recently. I'm teaching myself to sew, and knitting may come next. I was playing some post-war jazz on Pandora last night, and my husband said he felt like we're going back in time. I told him to STFU and go play Zelda on his brand new Wii while contemplating the Mac he wants to get next year.

"Poised for growth" is another way of saying "you're not going anywhere"

Sometimes I think it's easier to get acknowledged when something goes wrong at work than when the corporate machine is chugging along on all cylinders. When I'm just doing things right and there are no problems, I have very minimal interaction with my boss. I have to assume he prefers that, since he's never taken action to initiate more meetings. I try to stay a step ahead of him sometimes by trying to pick up on conversations around the workplace that might indicate what kinds of information he could need. This is certainly not an easy task...especially when we don't meet regularly - I'm constantly relying on rumormilling and third-party information to gauge the direction my data needs to be adjusted. I recently took a coworker's assumptions about a project at face value, and something got really screwed up. I'm left holding the bag and looking foolish, like I don't know what I'm doing, and if I were more ruthlessly ambitious and lacking personal ethics, that coworker would feel the immense pressure of the grinding wheels of the proverbial bus I would have thrown her under. But I don't do that. I accepted misinformation without a secondary confirmation, so I will take the brunt of the responsibility for this error. Hopefully, it can be fixed. Of course, this same coworker is applying for other jobs within the company (which is in direct contrast to what she says about not having an ambition above her current position). She's not being very smart about it, seeing as she left an internal application in the shared printer this week. Ooops. Again - if I were a different person, the boss would be aware that she doesn't appreciate the job she has (which she was given as an alternative to a layoff), since it bothers me when people attempt to be sneaky about things like this. She's the boss's assistant, so I think she owes it to him to be upfront about her intentions, although her staying or going would have very little affect on me.

The rumor is making the rounds that there's a restructure happening upstairs, and that I am not a part of it. Which, at this point, after all of the jerking around I feel has taken place, and doing the "networking" my boss suggested and hearing the things I have about the administrative unit...I think I'm okay with it, in all honesty. I just have to button up, not make careless and costly errors, and continue to make the case for the importance of my position and what I personally bring to the company. The honest way will take longer than the deceptive, climb-the-ladder-at-all-costs method, but I'll be able to sleep at night - even if I don't have as much disposable income. Shopping therapy will just have to be put on hold for a while.

All of my coworkers are acting super flakey lately. I had one call me - on speakerphone, which I hate with the firey passion of the enflamed Halls of Hades!! - and apparently forget she had even dialed my number, because I could hear her carrying on a conversation with someone sitting across the room. I listened to a lot of nothing for a good five minutes (while riffling through papers and typing on my keyboard really loudly to see if she'd realize I was still on the line) before getting bored and hanging up. The sound of the dial tone probably made her pee her pants. I had another coworker end a phone conversation today with "That's the name of that tuna". I hung up the phone and sat there a little baffled about what credit card charges had to do with the chicken of the sea before realizing that he was putting what he must've thought was a cute little spin on the phrase "That's the name of that tune". Wackos. The whole lot of 'em...

I have nothing of any relevance to say about the VP debate last night that isn't already being trumpeted from the four corners of the internets today (thanks Almost-President Al Gore, for our blessed internets!):

So, instead of insightful and thoughtful commentary, here are some visual aids. Go, ahead - LOL. While you still can!

And, for the sake of nostalgia...what we'll *hopefully* be "missing" - and I use that word in the most sarcastic and insincere sense possible - come this time next year (ohpleasedeargodmakeitso):

The road to you know where is paved with you know what

Meet Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck is a blowhard right-wing partisan puppet, whose sole joy in life, so it would seem, is to bash on those on the opposite aisle of his own politics and spout rhetoric. At least, until "his" side starts acting in collusion and following the practices of the other side. Then what is a "conservative" Republican hack (who used to express a different brand of conservatism before he made it to the national stage and being "ultra" this or that became en vogue...but that's neither here or there) to do? Why - play the "Today I'm a Moderate Who Must Heed the Call to Lamely Warn of the Evils of Socialization of Industry by Ripping-Off a Well Known Work of Popular Fiction" game, of course:

Dear America:
Happy 300th Birthday!
It's 2076 and we've just invented the time-fax machine. (Actually, "we" didn't invent the time-fax machine, the State did -- they pretty much control everything now.)
I'm faxing this back to you in 2008 because that seems to be the year we had the best chance to reverse our course and get back to the vision laid out by our founding fathers -- a vision that didn't include the government being in the insurance business.
I don't have a lot of time (the State only gives us one 30-minute break per day) so let me give you some advice: Stop worrying so much about who runs the country and start worrying about who runs your towns, your states, and your Congress.
I know you're all distracted by the presidential election, but for all the money and time poured into it, the truth is that you're choosing between two roads that will lead you to the same destination. Sure, one may be the Autobahn and the other a two-lane highway, but you'll end up at the same place either way.
Decades of Republicans and Democrats alike have all chipped in to lead you to where you are today. Believing that one person, from either party, can change that by themselves is a big mistake.
Presidents are like captains of a large ship: They can map out a course and shout out orders, but without the trust and hard work of the people who actually move the rudders, their commands mean nothing.
In retrospect, the lack of trust and confidence you now have in your leaders was really the root cause of everything that's happened since. While our founding fathers designed a brilliant system of checks and balances, separation of powers and democratic elections, trust was the one thing they couldn't mandate in the Constitution.
Unfortunately, it's also the foundation upon which everything else is built and once it began to erode, our whole house inevitably began to crumble.
Looking back now, it's pretty obvious that our trust in government declined at about the same rate as our partisanship increased. People became so concerned about getting their party into power at any cost that the truth didn't even seem to matter anymore.
That's probably one of the reasons why George Washington hated the idea of political parties so much. Here's what he said about them in his 1796 farewell speech:
"The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge, natural to party dissension, which in different ages and countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism. But this leads at length to a more formal and permanent despotism. The disorders and miseries which result gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of public liberty."
I know that George had a habit for using big words, so allow me to translate into 2008 English: Political parties that put their own success over that of the country's will be the death of America.
If you don't believe him yet, just wait a few more years...you're about to see firsthand how right he was. After all, if power corrupts, then the kind of absolute power gained by political parties (and feared by Washington) corrupts absolutely.
The best advice I can give you is to stop thinking in terms of left and right and start thinking in terms of right and wrong. Demand the best leaders possible, and then demand the best out of them.
Believe me, when you see what's coming your way, you'll realize how little the donkey and the elephant really ever mattered. Oh and while we're on politics, one quick thing that I'm sure you're curious about: Yes, Robert Byrd is still in the Senate. He's 159, but doesn't look a day over 91.
Now, let's talk about the economy. Let me see if I have this right: Money and power made people greedy, so you decided to hand over a bunch of money and power to greedy politicians instead. Smart! After using that money to nationalize a bunch of banks, mortgage companies and insurance companies, they moved on to bigger things.
The airlines came first -- we just couldn't live without them. Then it was the automakers (Detroit would've died), health care (they said they could manage it better), and eventually, the oil companies (I'm not sure where all of those "windfall profits" have gone).
The idea behind it all (an idea that was eventually turned into law with the passage of the Securities Exchange Act of 2011) was to "socialize losses" by spreading them out among all taxpayers. The pain, our leaders argued, would be minimal that way.
They were right. At least until the bills came due. See, we didn't actually have any of the money we were promising everyone; we were borrowing it.
It didn't take long before so many of our tax dollars were going toward interest payments that we couldn't fund even the most basic of government programs without massive tax increases on everyone. People now work most of the year just to pay Uncle Sam (or, as we now call him, "Comrade Sam").
I hear the State censors coming, so let me leave you with a few other quick things:
• Good call on not worrying about protecting our borders. That works out really well for you in 2019.
• You might want to spend a little less time worrying about carbon and a little more time worrying about Iran. We're now in a new mini-Ice Age but, believe me, Iran isn't using their nukes to warm any homes. (PS The International Atomic Energy Agency just revealed to you that Iran appears to be refitting their long-range missiles to carry nuclear payloads. Did you think they were joking or were you just too busy with lipsticks and pigs to notice?)
• The currency of the future is energy. Those who have it are thriving and those who don't -- well, let's just leave it at that. Drill for all the oil you can, but you also better start seriously looking for some other options.

In closing, remember this golden rule and you should be fine: Your Constitution will never fail you, but your leaders will. Be wary of anyone who tries to convince you that it's the other way around.

Best wishes (you're going to need them),
Worker 2744A

PS It's not all socialist doom and gloom here in the future. We just thawed Ted Williams' cryogenically frozen body and he hit 87 home runs for the North Team!

Yes. I did just post the whole freaking text. If CNN or Glenn Beck want me to remove said text, they are welcome to contact me to make that request.

I'm not for the bailout either, but aside from this being a Democratic-leadership approved endeavor, both Bush and McCain and numerous Republicans in Congress AND the Senate were also supportive enough to get this "rescue" measure passed. Those same can-do-no-wrong Republicans whose butts Beck, O'Reilly, Rush, Malkin, Coulter and the rest of the right's media representative's noses have been up relentlessly for quite a few troubled years now. It was those same members of the "fiscally conservative" right-wing MSM who decried Barack Obama's candidacy and platform "Socialism in action", and predicted the downfall of the free market if he were elected President. Well guess what? The GW Bush era beat him to it. That's George W. Bush's legacy - a failure of the "war on terror", a failure in the economy, a failure of national security, and a failure in uniting Americans under the auspices of what this country stands for and what makes it GREAT. So my children, and their children in turn, thank you for the debt and national economic instability that they will get to look forward to as part of their futures. So I guess no matter who gets elected, that person has the challenge of attempting to fix what is fundamentally wrong with the nation. I wish that candidate luck, because if they can't get us out of the tank in four years, you better believe their opposition (and most of "Average Joe Six-Pack" America) will be baying for blood by the end of their term.

Speaking of the election - I saw a new McCain/Palin ad last night. The new slogan was "Change Is Coming". Oh yes. It is. I have the facts and I'm voting YES. Or NO...depending on whose version of "change" I'm being asked to buy into. Who else is awaiting the VP debates tonight with a mixture of glee and dread? I don't forsee much of a battle of wits (one would have to have "wits" in order to have such a battle, no?). More like tiger feeding time at the Roman Coliseum.

This is hardly the time for thought provoking introspection

Questions recently posted on one of the blogs where I lurk when I should be doing other things:

1. Is your life going the way you want it to go?

The answer to this question very much depends on the day that it is being asked. In general, I'd say yes, since I don't struggle against the proverbial current. I let life just kind of happen for the most part: I work hard, try to appreciate what I've got, and try not to take too much for granted. However - this week, between family medical crises, my son losing school work (gah! It's only 1st grade!?), my work induced malaise from a seemingly stalled and increasingly less than challenging job...the odds in the celestial dice roll have not been in my favor.

2. Are you currently pursuing your dreams, living life with purpose and passion?

What are these 'dreams' of which you speak? I don't really do a lot of dreaming, aside from planning vacations (and there are far too few of those). I used to have big dreams, but the crushing weight of adulthood kind of quashed a lot of my more unrealistic aspirations, and I've never really posessed a lot of what some people call ambition. You know what I've always wanted, though? A horse. Just one. Not even a very big one. Something nice...not too fancy.
(Yeah, I know. In the words of Juno: "Whoa. Dream Big.")

3. Is your life all it could be, all it should be and more?

This is starting to sound like a recruitment drive for some obscure branch of the military. All of a sudden I feel like running off and joining the French Foreign Legion.

4. Or is there something missing?

Or? Is there. Seriously, though...Sometimes I have moments of second guessing or discontentment about the path my life has followed. I never pictured my life *exactly* this way. But I think everyone probably experiences this, so I don't tend to dwell or get bogged down in regrets.

5. Are there things you'd dearly love to change but have never got around to changing?

Sure. I should go back to school. But guess what. I'm lazy. And I don't enjoy scructured education. I should lose weight. Again - laziness. And a lifestyle that makes shedding pounds with ease a little bit of a challenge.

So there you are. Answers. Of a sort. Probably not the best or most thought out, but answers nontheless.

Fly me to the moon...but don't let me forget my parka.

(I have no idea what that post title has to do with what I'm talking about, except for the fact that it is going on the second day in a row without coffee...I must be delirious)

In the midst of news of tumbling markets, failed billion dollar corporate bailouts, and Washington politics as usual, the news of possible snow on Mars barely registered on my news radar. But there it was, a faint blip this morning:

NASA's Phoenix spacecraft has discovered evidence of past water at its Martian landing site and spotted falling snow for the first time, scientists reported Monday.

With summer waning, less sunlight is reaching the spacecraft's solar panels on Mars.

Soil experiments revealed the presence of two minerals known to be formed in liquid water. Scientists identified the minerals as calcium carbonate, found in limestone and chalk, and sheet silicate.

But exactly how that happened remains a mystery.

"It's really kind of all up in the air," said William Boynton, a mission scientist at the University of Arizona at Tucson.

A laser aboard the Phoenix recently detected snow falling from clouds more than two miles above its home in the northern arctic plains. The snow disappeared before reaching the ground.

Read the rest of the report at CNN.com...

Also in science news today, the Gray wolf is making the threatened species list once again in the Great Lakes region, which warrants suspension of nuisance predator licenses that had been granted to farmers through state wildlife management. The species now inhabits a slim percentage of its historical range in the United States. This makes me sad...

This just in! The new James Bond movie has a stupid, ambiguous title! Who do we blame? The movie's star: "Daniel Craig chose the name of the forthcoming James Bond movie Quantum of Solace - because he didn't want a grisly title with "death" in it. The British actor rejected several potential names during a brainstorming session with producers - before insisting they go with the title of a short story by Bond creator Ian Fleming. And he is adamant it was the right move - even though some movie critics have panned the name. Craig tells Britain's GQ magazine, "I was involved in making the decision. Names were coming out, some ludicrous stuff was going back and forth - I can't remember exactly, but you know the sort of thing: 'The Blood On Your Face'. "I knew I didn't want 'death', 'die', 'bleed' or any of those things in the title." But the actor admits that in the great tradition of Bond movies, the film's title is often meaningless. He adds, "As soon as it came out, people were saying, 'Ooh, it sounds like Harry Potter'. No, it's Quantum of Solace. I was saying, 'It's a Bond title!' "The name of a Bond film is not about anything. Live And Let Die? Octopussy? What does it mean? It means very little."

(By the way, one interpretation I saw for the title was "The smallest amount of comfort that can exist independently"...and several parody songs playing on the film's title are flying around the 'tubes these days.)

And also, here's to a blessed Rosh Hashana for my kosher friends!