Nothing new under the sun

The above is for M. I hear the fjords are AMAZING this time of year. Impressive craftsmanship.

And by special request: an update! (I know, right?!)

As 2009 winds down and the decade of the naughts draws to a close, most people will find themselves reflecting over the year in review while tossing back booze and making asses of themselves while things go boom. Not me. I'll be glad to see this year well behind me. It's been eventful. Definitely stressful. And the year to come already seems to be shaping up to be an attention-demanding, energy-sapping beast, so I don't feel like I have much time for fondly reminiscing over 365 days that went so fast and blended together so fully that the year almost literally is a blur when I try to recall it in total. And with the gaping, slavering maw of TwentyTen barreling toward me, I will have to steel myself for the moment of impact, where the year does its best to devour me, body, mind and spirit.

(No resolutions for me, but if you're in need of some personal promises you'll never have any intention of keeping, try the Random Resolution Generator!)

Of course, 2009 did have some high points. And I'm blessed to have been able to have experienced the things I did this year. The mantra for 2009 seems to have been "It could be worse". It could have been. In many respects I, and most of those close to me, were very, very fortunate to have been spared (or to have successfully weathered) most of the hardest challenges this past year presented. But I'm hopeful that the rallying cry for 2010 will turn out to be something more...full of promise, less full of dread masquerading as optimism.

On another note, I busted my ass at work this week and finished all of the projects that my boss had assigned, by the deadline that was presented. That's one monkey off my back, which is a good feeling. Too bad those little bastards reproduce like proverbial rabbits, and where I successfully shed one, two more are there to cheekily take the place of their vanquished associate.

So the classes have been narrowed down to one, mostly due to scheduling and the general lamenessof this semester's offerings: Contemporary Literature, with the focus being Native American lit. Wish me luck!

I'm eagerly anticipating my backyard fowl experiment in the Spring. Expect pictures and posts as if suburban flocks are the most interesting thing in the universe...

Hello! To whom may I be speaking please?

Yesterday I got an email from someone working at a company called SynergySoft, Inc. Since posting my resume to Monster on a whim (aka, "keeping one's options open"), I've gotten several emails from "companies" that, upon application of a little bit of Google-fu, turned out to be, well, lets say...let than legit, as far as I'm concerned. SynergySoft appears to have a main office based in Texas (back offices located in - surprise - India!) and seems to be doing a booming business by hiring idividual contractors for state-level government, as well in the corporate arena...if the internet is to be believed. The job I was flagged on is out of my metro area, but across some nasty traffic-snarled bridges, working with a large computing services corporation. I'm still not sold that this is a real opportunity, as it could just as easily be more junk being peddled to the millions of people desperate for a job. Which, thankfully, I don't count myself among at the present time. Ahem.
What irks me is that the email I got included a request for additional contact information (they already had my personal email and home address from the resume posted on Monster). I'm not hard to find, should one have the need, based on my name and current employer alone. A quick search for myself results in loads of hits to websites and docs associated with my job, with work email and phone listed in numerous places. The other question I have relates to education level. There is no mention of college-level education on my resume, and there is no mention of the educational requirement for this position. I could always call the phone number listed in the email I got...but I have a feeling it would be routed to the "back offices" overseas. So. A quandry. Not a large-scale one, but there it is.

What prompted my mention of this solicitation out of nowhere? The fact that the rumor mill is circulating the possibility that someone who just got a signifigant salary increase for "additional" (read: not higher level, just "more") duties may be getting another one for being assigned something else. Now, I wouldn't begrudge this person for getting a little extra coin for taking on this twice a year event (M knows of which I speak)...BUT. If what the mongers say is true, then this person would have received a 40% increase to their base salary in the span of six months, between those two bumps (to the tune of $14K in total compensation if this actually materializes).
Over the summer, after much discussion with HR and a great deal of work on my part on making my position description accurate (my supervisor didn't have one ready when I moved to this department, even after talking about the possibility for over a year, so I had to write my own), and quite a bit of research into title, duties, and salary level comparisons (not to mention the collective bargaining agreement that I am covered by), I was rewarded with 15% (less than a hundred bucks a payweek) when I switched departments (supposedly hand picked by my current supervisor, also supposedly with the full support of my former supervisor, mind you). During this process I was made to feel like that increase was more than I deserved, that I was an ungrateful pain in the ass who should feel lucky to even have a job "in this economy", that the increase was not necessarily supported by my supervisor but was at the request of our manager, and that no matter what was asked of me in the future, because I "got mine", there would be no further review of compensation, position grade and level, or duties, for so long as I work in this department. Subject closed, not open for discussion.
Meanwhile, I watched as others were given 20% for taking on less. The manager of the unit seems to be trying to take some sort of ridiculous moral high ground by saying that just because others are doing these things, doesn't mean he's going to throw his fiscal resources around so carelessly. Okay, so while he's busy setting an example that no one has any intention of following, most of his staff continue to get screwed. Awesome. That sends a great message, which is: We're working for the wrong damn boss!
In addition, there's a staff member leaving the PR area, so there's been a vacany ad up for a couple of weeks. I didn't apply. Mainly because the jury is still out on the manager of that department. Then there is the fact that they aren't considering anyone who doesn't have at least ten years of experience plus a Bachelors degree. To be a glorified secretary. For less than $35,000 per year. They apparently had over a hundred applicants, although I have no idea how many meet the ridiculous qualifications. I'll check back in a few months and let you know how that's working out for them. In the meantime, my boss is having me go to a meeting with the PR staff and find out what they will need until their new person is hired and up and running. Wanna know why? Because she has probably already offered me up on a platter to "fill the gap". I imagine I may very well be expected to "help" this department. "Temporarily". What does that have to do with my role in my department? Nothing. What would I get in return for being so kind as to do some grunt work, clean up any spills I might find in the no doubt questionable record-keeping, and score some brownie points for my supervisor with this other manager (to whom neither of us reports)? I'm guessing absolutely zilch, unless the warm-fuzzy feeling of JOB WELL DONE (while being treated as community property) is suddenly something that can earn gains in commodities trading with a true market value that can be used to pay my bills. I'd probably also get farther and farther behind in my own workload. Which changes daily, on the whim of my boss.

So, maybe that call to India isn't sounding so bad, after all...

Generation waaaaahhhhh

OMG no hot water somebody call a lawyer!11!

Seriously - read the article linked in the post and honestly tell me that reading a college student claiming that not having hot water for a handful of days is "borderline criminal activity" doesn't make you weep for our future. This kid needs to be sent to a third world country for what us fogeys like to call "perspective"...

The 36 hour mark

Snow on Thanksgiving: will it or won't it? See what the forecast has in store. Then wish me luck!

Whole lotta NADA

HR just sent out an email announcing that they have a job opening for an "HR Consultant". First of all, one of the preferred qualifications is a Masters degree (WTF people!?), and second of all, the posted ad didn't include any narrative regarding WHAT this position does. I tried to tell the person in charge of posting these vacancy announcements that it's an incredibly vague ad, but it totally went over her head - she kept repeating that they were trying to get people to go to the hiring website...which is where this craptastic thing is posted. Hopefully, with a Masters degree, whoever they hire can hopefully correctly advertise vacant positions. And not just spend inordinant amounts of time planning cookouts and fussing over flyers for bullshit events that have no bearing on managing our "Human Resources" while freaking out over every minor little issue that comes up. Jesus tapdancing christ this department is utterly useless.

Holding patterns

Countdown to mental-wellness retreat to the Great (Semi) White North 2009: 19 5 days and counting.

My husband is stressing the possibility that we may have to reschedule the trip because my Great-Uncle has been sick, and has taken a turn for the worse - according to the website where the family has been posting updates, he may not have long. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to my Grandmother about this, but my husband is insisting that I call and find out the status of our trip. I'm getting a little aggravated with him acting a little selfish and insensitive, but I guess I'll call a couple times a week until the day we leave, and if things change, our plans change accordingly. We've been looking forward to this trip for a while, and there might be a little disappointment if we have to delay or postpone it, but we're talking about something bigger than a vacation, and I want to do whatever is best for my grandparents right now. (In the time since this was posted, my Great-Uncle has passed away. His memorial was this past Saturday - the 14th - so, I hope that the trip will serve to help boost my Grandmother's spirits a little...that's my goal, anyway - I just wish the trip was a little longer)

I hate Mondays. You know this, right?

Vacation is sloooowly approaching...you can catch periodic updates over on the "other blog", and I'll be posting weather bulletins via Twitter and/or Facebook during the trip (thanks to the miraculous technology available on my BlackBerry!).

Mixed messaging

Can someone explain to me how there are 9 views of my resume that I have posted on Monster? I want to know who is clicking on it...but then again, considering the responses I've gotten so far, maybe I don't. :/

Duality

I'm caught between two parts of myself: the part that feels the full weight of my obligations and the gravity of my situation as an adult with a family that I need to take care of, and the part that wants a change...the part that, if it could convince the rational centers of my brain to play along, would happily walk into the management offices tomorrow shooting double birdies, so to speak. I'm becoming impatient for the next step, for that golden opportunity to present itself, and it is causing me to be fraught with impatience and anxiety. I see my workload increasing by leaps and bounds - and to make matters worse, there is no consistancy to the levels of work: the projects and tasks are either decidedly clerical (scheduling meetings and filing my managers paperwork, ffs) or the type of work that people well above my level are doing. Instead of feeling like I can have an open dialogue, attempts to broach the topic of getting a better sense of just what my role is are met with "You should feel lucky to have a job", or "We just gave you an increase, what's the problem?", or are, on occassion, outright ignored. This is leading to a certain level of frustration, and my willingness to continue to be understanding of the situation is decreasing at a accelerating pace, along with my motivation and my drive to make any effort whatsoever.

I've started compiling the resources that will come in handy during the upcoming first wave of a very intense networking blitz. I'm thrilled by the prospect of seeing if I get any responses, and at the same time there's an almost overwhelming sense of near terror. What if I get nothing back? Will that mean I'm less marketable than I thought? Less employable, even? Then, of course, there's the fact that I'm really bad at dealing with change. I've lived in the same house, in the same town, for the majority of my life. This is what is known to me - it is comfortable and safe. It is, at the same time, stagnant and camplacent. Here I am, at age 32, with a decent (if aggravating) job that I could easily just coast in practically forver, it feels like, a nice little house that we've put some work into (but needs just a little bit more), a stable and fairly happy family life, and some wonderful friends...and I'm stuck at what what feels like either the proverbial crossoroads or a metaphorical precipice. The next step I take determines the course of my future - and that of my family. I have to make an honest assessment of our collective needs, balance them against our individual wants (which are rather extensive and weighty), and compare the potential outcome scenarios against the prevailing realities of the choices available.

So. My question is - what would YOU do, if you were me (or, better yet if it were YOU)? Take that first step on the easy path you've walked a hundred times, or risk the heart-stopping freefall off the cliff to whatever awaits?

cacaphony!

I never watch Good Morning America & this morning I'm remided why...you've got Al Roker shouting, people blowing whistles, Willard Scott being rambly and strange, and some of the most banal and pointless fluff stories ever to air on a morning "news" program. And, hey, Today show has David Duchovny on.

Okay, so I turned it back over to GMA in time for their pet adoption segment. At the end of the piece, one of the dogs got a little bit...over excited. I'm sure you can guess what the result was. Good for a cheap laugh, at least.

Say what now?

My boss was on vacation last week, so I was the proxy. Which means, I worked for my supervisor's boss, who - how do I put this diplomatically? - has severe leadership issues. My eyes have really been opened to what passes for "management" over there, and I have a deeper understanding of the root of their problems. And there are so many problems.
Well, today the boss is back and I was greeted this afternoon to a phone call stating that something I was asked to do in my boss's place (because she was supposed to have done it before going on her trip, and I was asked to take care of it by her boss, you see), was the wrong course of action & created more issues than it solved, and I basically should've waited. So...I guess I should have thrown my hands in the air and said "Oh, gee, my boss isn't here to tell me what the right thing to do might be, so we should wait for her to come back so I can check with her"? That would've gotten me really far with the muckety-mucks telling me to go ahead and do what they were requesting, wouldn't it? And then she sends an email around reiterating what she said on the phone. Hey, welcome back, yay! (Booooo.) Basically, I can't win for losing no matter what. Awesome.

On the homefront, the Marshamallow Incident has created in my son an unusual phobia. He's now afraid of choking on his food. Somehow, he has convinced himself that he has to take microscopic bites and chew the food until it is basically liquified. Then, he's almost afraid of swallowing the food in his mouth. This is causing an intense amount of aggravation for both my husband and my son - my husband because he doesn't understand the fear an overly sensitive kid might develop after being told that they almost died because of food and the fact that it now takes three times as long for the boy to finish a meal, and my son because he thinks his dad is angry with him for something that he has deemed (in typical seven-year-old logic) to be perfectly within reason. And I get to play referee. I want to take my son's side, and if this continues I'd really think about therapy...but my husband thinks that this is something that can be solved by "talking sense" into the kid and punishing him by taking away toys and free time, so I don't know that he'd respond very agreeably to the suggestion of any kind of outside involvement.
Hopefully, barring any additional negative experiences, my son will get past this, and we can get back to our version of narmal. Which isn't everyone else's normal, but it suits me just fine.

Kanye West likes fish sticks

Awesome:

Awesomer:

AWESOMEIST!

The Sun:

It's a mass. Of incandescent gas.

FACT:

Marshmallows are evil

So enough about you...

Where I talk about recent developments on the horseback-riding front: M&Ms!

I've gotten back into sketching. Sort of. Trying to, anyway. More about that later, maybe.

So far today I have accomplished two things: decimating an iced caramel frappucino and losing faith in humanity thanks to the just amazing levels of blatant ignorance and partisanship evident in the dust-up over the President's little speech video to schoolkids next week, and the fact that it took 30 minutes standing around in the bookstore waiting for the person who rang my purchase up wrong to figure out how to work her register in order to give me a credit.

There's a lot of squealing coming from the HR front offices. It can only mean one thing...there must be a baby in the vicinity.

*Insert protracted sigh here*

If only I could be paid to babble on about ponies and burble baby-talk to cats...

GERMS!!!

There are now signs on the restroom doors reminding all of the adults who take classes here (not to mention the ones who teach and work here every day) to wash their hands. There are step by step instructions on how to conduct proper handwashing plastered to the mirrors over the sinks. And in case the OCD-afflicted amongst us aren't sure our hands are quite clean enough after multiple applications of self-foaming atibacterial soap, they have installed hand sanitizer dispensers next to the paper towel machines. All in the name of guarding against the spectre of H1N1 influenza. I'm guessing that it's a self-protective measure, so that when someone does, inevitably, develop the sniffles, Helicopter Dad and Extra-Umbilical Mom can't lawyer-up and claim that this place didn't do enough to protect their precious little Suzie Snowflake from the big, bad, virus filled world. In an even more amazing step, the mother-ship has publicly announced that in the event of a flu "pandemic" (which is defined, how, exactly?), all classes will be taken online in a "virtual" campus setting. Which leads me to one question. If it's that freaking simple, what exactly is stopping legitimate online colleges from replacing the traditional brick-and-mortar university experience?

Hey! Have I mentioned it's the first day of school?

Empire waists and getting wasted

I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand.

M: The sangria is fermenting. (I'll have lemonade and unsweet tea in addition) Snacks have been procured. (a variety of veggies and veggie dip, and maybe chips) DVDs are ready for viewing. (I was thinking last night that a John Hughes marathon would be really appropriate, but I'm looking forward to those Victorian-era costumes...men in dusters, rawr!)

I'm going to try and get out of here a little early because we spent more time at the gym yesterday setting up the membership (and chatting with the girl who works there) than I would've liked, and so dinner ran really late, so I didn't have as much time to tidy up as I would've wanted.

I know why the caged bird...um...Tweets.

Since I'm the only person I know *in person* who uses Twitter on a fairly regular basis, I've been asked at least once for a mini tutorial type of thing. There are endless numbers of sites now offering tutorials and "suggestions" on how to use Twitter. I don't think there are any real hard and fast rules or a truly right or wrong way to use it, so this post is just an overview based on how I have come to understand how Twitter works. Personally, I see it more as a marketing tool than as a means of real communication. I don't know if it has longevity, but I'm enjoying the novelty of it right now, at least, and I've made some interesting connections using it. Anything that allows me to internet-stalk some of my favorite authors (and other interesting folks) with their permission can't be all bad, right?

So here we go...

Common functions include:

-The direct reply, which is @username and then your message (keeping in mind that the 140 character limit will include the characters for the @ and the username). In order to respond to another user, always use the @username to begin the post. In replying to something someone esle posted, you can use the reply function (shows as a little arrow icon to the right of any other user's posts).

-The DM (which is a direct message that only you or the person you are sending the DM to can see - the equivalent of private messaging). DMs are limited to 160 characters.

-The "Re-Tweet", which is most often abbreviated as RT - this is reposting a Tweet from someone else. Some people instead of the RT attribute a post to another user by denoting it (via @username) after the body of the post, especially if they are just reposting a link.

-The Delete function. I use this when I misspell or have a grammar SNAFU. It can be done using the trash can icon to the right of the post. You can only delete your posts, not anyone else's.

-The Favorite function. This is the little star next to other people's posts, and if you really like a post, you can save it as a favorite by clicking the star.

-Blocking and Unfollowing. Unfollowing is for those you followed who you thought were interesting and clever at one point, only to discover that it is a fine line between witty and obnoxious. Blocking is for those who fond you but that you don't have any interest in having "follow" your Twitter activity - this list includes profiles solely set up to pitch a product or someone's poorly designed marketing or personal finance website, spammers, and the inevitable pornbots offering "adult content". Sure, all of them add to your follower count, and any new followers that look genuine I'll check out...but anything that indicates "XXX" anything, or seems to be following me based on a random keyword search, or looks like it's just being used to sell someone's attept at marketing the unmarketable, will get blocked.

Other only slightly useful tips:

Unless you want constant updates from all of the profiles that you follow (especially if you choose to follow people who update constantly), turn your mobile device settings off. There are also sites (such as Twittersnooze) that will allow you to temporarily block another user's posts from showing up in your feed for a period of time, instead of depending on an endless unfollow/follow cycle.

With Twitter now the new hot thing among people who like to catch a trend after it has already peaked, there are a million different sites offering various apps and other things to help you use your Twitter account and manage your feed. I don't really use them, myself, but you can find some of these widgets and apps at the bottom of your feed page by clicking the "goodies" link. You can also find some using Google (a couple of the most popular would be TweetDeck and TwitPic), but I say use the unaffiliated sites with some caution.

This is the Fail Whale - what you'll see when Twitter's servers get overwhelmed by the mad crush of marketing-spam, pornbot and fake celebrity profiles:


Questions? Confusion? Just hate the whole concept of Twitter and want to rail against it? Get thee to the comments, then!

Because anger is so effective

My boss just assigned me another project that is "urgent", needs to be done "ASAP" and will interrupt my normal lunch hour, for the second time this week. And now my husband, who I normally go to lunch with, is annoyed. I've explained to him countless times now that with the raise comes even more expectation of responsibility and accountability. He doesn't care. He wants to be angry. So I have to let him go ahead and be unreasonably angry. Of course, this project is basically a ridiculously wasteful re-do of something that was requested of me by my boss earlier in the month - the original request involving poor planning and a missed deadline, and I'm not sure that the way they are trying to do this is very appropriate. But my job is not to speculate about the appropriateness of what I've been asked to do. It is just to do. I was told by my boss today that it is not up to me to have an opinion on what is being asked, just to confirm or deny that it is financially possible. So, basically, I am supposed to keep my yap shut when those around me do everything they can to subvert processes and waste money and generally act like they don't have a brain.

Harry Potter and the Seemingly Endless Movie Franchise

I saw this summary of Half Blood Prince today - I think that it speaks for some of what M and myself were thinking coming out of the theater last night:

-No battle at the end.

-No foreshadowing re: the tiara

-No funeral.

-No Bill & Fleur. (I don't agree with this one because I don't care about these characters)

-Not enough Fred & George. (This. A thousand times this!)

-No lessons with Snape.

-No "advice" from Snape to Harry at the end.

-No Harry paralyzed & invisible while Dumbledore gets it.

-No in-depth history of Tom and his family.

Just so much dropped, altered, or forgotten from the book in order to make room for the bad jokes and Ron's girlfriend (Too. Much. Snogging! Ugh!)

But I have to add that the Inferi weren't *nearly* as creepy as they could (or should) have been.

Keeping with my theme...these videos are made of win and awesome (warning - may contain high levels of screechy fangirl hysteria):

Please note the ripped trousers

I had a frustrating day today. Got annoyed several times. Got angry more than once. Had probably my third McDonald's Mocha since last week, because they actually make decent coffee. Broke my diet with chocolate chip cookies (yes, I'm kind of on a diet). And I'll get to wake up tomorrow and do this all over again. And again.

There are renewed plans to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince at the end of the week.

And now I'm eating Zapp's spicy Tobasco chips, drinking the soda I brought back from vacation, and watching Deadliest Catch, which amounts to heaven right about now.

Whatever works...

There was an article in the local paper this week about our problem with panhandlers, which has caused some sort of inexplicable moral outrage that people would dare make a living asking for handouts from strangers. One guy who was interviewed said he can make about $800 a week. Wake up people: there will always be those who will take advantage of your generosity, your naivite, your guilt. There will always be those who don't do their fair share, and are more than happy to take a part of yours. There will always be those who work the system. This does not negate the realities of those who genuinely need any help a person is willing to give, be it charity or sympany or just a little human decency. Always remember "But for the Grace of God go I", regardless of whether you're even a religiously inclined person or not. The universe has a way of knocking us down a peg or two when we start thinking we're better than the circumstances other people find themselves in.

Johnny's amazing technicolor dreamhair

OF COURSE this is from Tim Burton's adaptation of Alice in Wonderland:

This is terrifying. And bizarre. And undoubtedly brilliant.

It's not the heat...

(Actually, yes it is.)

On two occassions so far today I've been forced to walk a distance of about three blocks in mid-80 degree heat while wearing a silk shirt. It is not even the heart of summer yet, and the temp is supposed to reach the low 90s today. I don't think I can take much more of this, honestly. Plus, I may be developing a cold. I feel better than I did this morning, but that's not saying much. One budget project is almost finished. I think I'll throw a little party for myself when this is off my plate. I should be finished with most of my other projects that have been thrown off schedule, just in time for my vacation. The highs up there have been upper 60s to mid 70s, which sounds heavenly.

I'm also holding out hope that any issues with my job description, this year's review, and my comp rate get resolved either before I leave town, or as soon as I get back. We're creeping up on month seven, here, and simply ridiculous gives way to totally assinine. I'm a relatively patient person but this is seriously testing my limits, and if I were anyone else, the management would've seen a stink raised by now. But, the way I look at it is, the longer this goes on, the more cause for grievance-based bargaining leverage I may have.

M - here's a TPFD classic, just for you:

Slim's left town

I don't have time to post, but I'm going to anyway. There's just so much tension that's built up, I feel like I can't even function and my head is contantly throbbing. Some people were recently awarded salary increases, and not everyone knows. But at least one person who does is irate - because we've been told on numerous occassions that no one was being awarded increases for numerous reasons including the fact that we're into our fourth or fifth round of budget "reductions" (I've lost track at this point...there may be another cut in the Fall).

In fact, I got an equity review weeks ago regarding the additional work I've been doing, and despite indications of support from HR and my supervisor's boss (who I sat down and had a little chat with last week), there's been no sign of a resolution. That's okay...every time a new duty gets added on or I have to answer a really dumb question from or fix something done by someone "more qualified" than myself, I mentally add a fraction of a percentage point to the to-be-negotiated pay increase (I'm also asking that it become retrocative to when I started doing this job six months ago). If it ever gets to that point. So far, it's all talk, so I have my doubts. But, some people are so overwhelmed, that parts of their job are getting dumped left and right on others who aren't getting these phantom pay increases that we're officially not supposed to be giving out. They seem to be banking on the "tough economic times" keeping people around. I don't think they've thought their cunning plan all the way through, because that tactic has some people at a breaking point.

Crap. My boss saw my husband ranting in unhappiness earlier, and called me thinking he was yelling at me (just to be clear, he was not - I was just acting as a buffer for his frustration with some of the issues I mention just above). Then she offered an ear, as a "friend", in case I needed to talk. I want a comfortable relationship as supervisor/subordinate and am trying to maintain a little bit of distance so as not to complicate that or to develop too much loyalty to her as an individual, but she's made it clear she likes me on a personal level and doesn't seem to mind bridging that gap between personal and professional. She's now hinting around that she expects me to be doing her job some day. Halp!

I honestly can't wait to get out of here. We're planning a dash up the East Coast to NW PA at the end of the month, with a brief pause in Georgia, a detour into Pittsburgh to have lunch at the original Primanti Bros. location (and to possibly pick up Penguins Stanley Cup gear - yes, I'm staying cautiously optimistic), and spending a couple of days with family in PA, then turning right around and making the 18 hour trek back. I hope it's worth all that driving and I come back a little bit renewed. Or, I'll just decide to not come back!

Beads and bruises

HR tried to throw a surprise party for me today. I'm not entirely sure why - my birthday was two weeks ago, and I intentionally didn't mention it to anyone, so as to avoid anyone making an unecessary to-do. Don't get me wrong - I really appreciated it. But the whole thing felt to me like it was being done because they felt they should, rather than from a genuine desire to celebrate my birthday, and I never feel comfortable thinking people are doing something out of a misplaced sense obligation. Today there were streamers, and beads necklaces, and bagels, and even a light-up tiara (all birthday celebrants in HR are required to wear this), but it just didn't compare to those SA extravaganzas from back in the day. Because we partied like we meant it then.

I managed to hurt myself twice throughout the course of the day today. The first time was at work, when I was being ridiculously clumsy and managed to kick something while wearing ballet flats and ended up with a bruise on the top of my foot. Then tonight I walked into the bathroom and discovered the hard way that my son left a standing puddle on the floor after his bath. I went ass over tea kettle, and ended up with a bump on my knee, a bruise on the top of my other foot, and injured toes. Overall I was okay, but both of my feet hurt, and I had to deliver a lecture about bathroom safety.

Tomorrow is my son's last day of 1st grade, and his very last at his current elementary school. Next year he'll go to the new school they built up the street. Which was *just* in the news because some transient got onto campus and tried to steal a purse and may have punched a male teacher, which caused the school to go into lockdown. Have I mentioned lately how much I love this town more and more every day. Wait. Did I say love? No...I meant loathe.

It's not dumbing down, merely correcting your aim.

A response to the Twitter "Trending Topic"#myweakness that I just had to share, and then promptly mock without regard for mercy or common human decency:

a MaN Wit a PlaN---->I Dnt LiKe them "Wing it" Ni66aSz<---Cant BuilD NthN WitOut a BluePriNt

Okay. That was incredibly painful for my brain to try and interpret. I understand that Twitter only gives you limited characters to work with, and that sometimes you have to get a little creative in order to say what it is you are trying to say in those circumstances. But it seems like only the truly creative actually manage this with any level of success. Everyone else comes off as lazy and illiterate. I also understand some...*ahem*...younger people's obsession with ridiculous 733t speak, to an extent - I am, after all, a lolspeak afficianado, myself - but that abomination up there? THAT is some of the most unconscionable mangling of written language I've ever seen from someone outside of grade-school. Does it really take that much effort to use vowels? I've made some spelling errors in my day, but Jesus Tapdancing Cristobel, I'd be damned if I'd ever intentionally use the number six to substitute for the letter "g". Speaking of crimes against literacy, the mainstreaming of the number 4 as an analog for the word "for" fills me with an indescribable sorrow. I saw that shit on a billboard for a local BMW dealership the other day and just about wept. Then I was overcome with an intense desire to set fire to it, but overcame that compulsion - mainly because I have a sneaking suspicion that "grammar-rage" isn't an acceptable defense against charges of felony arson.

Of course, having just given you an example of everything that's wrong with applications and platforms like Twitter, now it is time to regale you with the high points to to explain why I kind of think that Twitter, despite all of its many failings (I got Fail Whale three times today, their servers must be freaking vintage), is the best part of what Web 2.0* has to offer...

Because, you can get updates and notifications in real time on things you may want to know about, and you can creepily but awesomely stal..I mean follow some awesome people - mostly celebrities, because, lets face it, we're culturally conditioned to be fascinated by fame and infamy alike, no matter how dubiously achieved or undeserved it may be(IrefusetotalkaboutOprah...IrefusetotalkaboutOprah...):

Hugh Jackman - @TheRealHughJackman

I think it's actually him. The posts have mostly been about press junkets and PR for the X-Men: Mangling Logan's Origin Canon and Killing a Franchise movie, but there have been a couple of candid comments about spending down time with his family, so it might be legit.

Crispin Glover - @crispinglover

He's promoting a movie he made. The posts are brief, but completely sane, so it is not clear if it's him or a staffer. I don't "follow", but the potential for the possibility for it to dissolve into the random, unhinged ramblings of a complete loon keep me coming back from time to time.

Kevin Spacey - @KevinSpacey

May be him, since the profile seems to be used for promoting projects and talking about theatre (i.e., the art of the stage you uncultured pleebs!).

Tom Felton - @TomFelton

AKA, Draco Malfoy. Tom seems to be one of the few young Harry Potter cast members who does not have a locked profile or a bunch of fake profiles - if this is actually him. Also there's...

Matthew Lewis - @mattdavelewis

AKA, Neville Longbottom. He talks about football a lot (the European variety, of course), and if you check out his photo, which gets updated from time to time, you'll see that he's really grown into his teeth quite nicely.

Oh, and as a Harry Potter bonus, I'll give you BOTH Phelps twins. Double your pleasure with James (@James_Phelps) and Oliver (@OliverPhelps).

In news that reminds me of an Alanis Morisette song, my mom managed to win tickets to see Pete Yorn and Coldplay in concert. There's just one small problem. The concert is in Pittsburgh, which is about 1,500 miles or so across the country from where we are. And the show is tomorrow!

(Haha - everyone's mom is now on Facebook)




*My husband hates the term "Web 2.0", so I use it with reckless abandon.

King Julian tested, science approved

There are people who are upset with Google for today's logo:

I think those people are too sensitive. You don't see me complaining about the constant comments about needing to bring "fundamental religious values" (meaning, basically, Christianity) "back to public schools" or other ridiculous religious WHARGARRBL, do you? Some people need to put down the propaganda texts and expand their understanding of science beyond visits to the "Holy Jehovah it's Jesus riding a Velicraptor into the Rapture" Creationist museum.

Also, this just in: some scientists now think that the "missing" evolutionary link between humans and the other primates was a lemur. Kind of...anticlimactic, isn't it?

I am obviously in the wrong line of work...

I came across this amazing employment opportunity today while browsing some job boards:

Shelf Management Specialist II forKraft Foods, Inc.

And, what, pray tell, does that entail, you might be wondering? Well, allow the posting itself to shed some light on that:

The Shelf Management Specialist II manages all activities relating to optimizing assortment and shelf management with retail customers. The Shelf Management Specialist II is a seasoned expert on all field sales space management technology and applications and is expected to meet or exceed the established shelving principles and standards for all Kraft Foods divisions. The Shelf Management Specialist II is the customer’s preferred expert in shelf management and contributes to volume growth of all Kraft categories. The position is actively involved with the assigned Customer Business Teams and contributes to and shares responsibility for meeting the team’s volume targets. * 3-5 years exp direct account selling & shelf management responsibilities* 3-5 years in the CPG industry* Strong knowledge of analytics and problem solving* 3 years exp in Syndicated Scanner Data

And, I'm sure your curiosity is now piqued about what level of education might be required to become a Kraft corporation expert in shelving principles and standards. Well, I must say, I was also more than a little inquisative. And according to Kraft, they want a Bachelors degree for this glorified retail sales position. But, in all seriousness, I have to wonder...
Where exactly does one attain an undergrad degree in Shelf Management? The University of Ikea?

"Abandon all work, ye who enter here"

Also, check your youthful enthusiasm at the door, sweethearts, 'cause it ain't gonna do you no good nohow.

What have I gotten accomplished today? Not a damn thing worth a damn. This frustrates me, because I had plans. I had a list. I had intentions. So much for that. I've spent the day trying (and failing) to find a free program that will allow me to map zip codes by radius, as part of the survey project I've been doing for weeks. Then I watched as two people called five times between them, to ask me which department I worked for. I knew why they were calling, and I let their under-worked butts go right to voicemail. Then, one of them crossed that tenuous line between downright annoying and outright "oh-hell-no" territory and called my husband to try and get the answer from him. Oh. Hell. No. I called one of them back and told them, that if determining what department I actually work for was of some grave concern to them that they need to call me multiple times a day (and so nice to know that they have time to make something that trivial a priority in their day), then to take it up with HR, and if further clarification was needed to address it with my bosses. Both of them. The HR receptionist then called the other fool, and told them to knock it off. What is wrong with people? Sure, my department info is all messed up, but that is my business, to be resolved between me and the two departments I support. I don't want people with hero-complexes and chips on their shoulders making a big issue out of this, simply because they're freaked because the minutes of their stupid staff meeting that nobody attends have the wrong department info from when I got the employee award. Obviously, they don't have anything better to do, but guess what - some of us do, and no one else cares about your meeting minutes. Especially me.

Going to my sister-in-law's birthday pizza-cake fiesta after work. Mmmm, pizza-cake.

The myth of the silver lining

I think this is the fourth day in a row that we've gotten rain? And it's supposed to be like this through most of the week. I had coffee this morning with no sugar (how is it possible to have a building rife with seven different kinds of candy, but not a grain of plain old table sugar to be found?). The weather is conspiring to make my hair a frazzled mess, and I broke my only decent hair clip somehow this morning, so now my hair is being secured with a very utilitarian rubber band.

I spent part of my morning trying to explain to someone how our online ledger report program is different than their Excel worksheet that they used to track their expenses, and why the information between them didn't match. Then I learned (as I had suspected all along) that this person I was trying to educate didn't even know the first thing about formatting formulas into Excel. That one little skill is pretty fundamental to even the most basic clerical position around here, and would probably explain why their math was wrong - reason number two why the ledger reports showed a different balance than their incredibly error-riddled hand-crafted worksheet. This took me a horrifying hour and a half of attempting to explain. I swear to you, a couple of times it felt like I was trying to communicate to a barnyard animal, for all the comprehension I saw in that person's eyes. This is accounting. Not rocket science!

Now I'm engaged in trying to find a decent, workable (FREE) online mapping tool. I want a radius grid, and I want it to be presentable. I'm not having a lot of luck, and I freaking refuse to pay for some crap program that some kid mishmashed together out of a Google hack.

I love how my coworker comes in late, goes to play handball in the gym for an undetermined amount of time, takes twenty minutes to change in her office, disappears for long periods where no one can find her, and often leaves a few minutes early. Because that is effectiveness in action. She'll have a promotion and pay raise within six months - you mark my words.

Oh, and by the tone of these questions I'm being faced with today, I work with some seriously stupid people. That's a given, though, right?

Wheeeze

Spent the afternoon and evening at my sister-in-law's house celebrating Mother's Day with my husband's family. She and her husband have three cats and two dogs, which all seem to be in the process of shedding. My nose is itchy, my throat is scratchy, and I am covered in cat hair and Jack Russell Terrier fur. I like pets as much as the next person (obviously - I have my own), but when all of the furniture has to be covered in sheets and and there's a layer of cat fur covering the top of the stove (because a nervous cat decided to crouch there to get out of the way of all of the activity in the kitchen), it's a bit much, even to me.

Speaking of cats, though, my husband and I recently realized that we hadn't seen the neighbor's pack of semi-strays for a while. One of the other neighbors had threatened to put down traps, and I guess she meant it. So no cats fighting on my porch and carousing and depositing kittens in my yard...

But the rabbit population on the block now seems to be booming.

The rule of three

I am a supersitious person. This comes as a surprise to some people, because of my sometimes mind-boggling insistance on a life defined by the word "practical". But I've believed in the Rule of Three since I was a kid - meaning that events in one's life often come in a series of three. For example, bad news. Over the last couple of weeks my husband and I have both received bad news relating to family (actually in my case, it's complicated because it's "former" family, really), so we've got two, and are waiting on the third. Hopefully, whatever rounds out the three is a minor thing. This is part of the reason that I'm not a big fan of odd numbers - as a child I was obsessed with symmetry and eveness, and anything not cleanly divisible into even parts or anything off center really bothered me. I could write endlessly about the bizarre workings of my mind when I was a little kid. I think things have normalized a little in adulthood, though. But I still see portents of doom practically everywhere...that much hasn't changed.

Of course, the rule also can be applied to positive things as well. I have been making plans to go to Disneyworld with M at the end of the month, and my husband and I will be taking our son to go bowling later this week with a young newlywed couple we've become friends with, plus I think my in-laws might be planning a get-together this weekend, so there's three for the month of May.

More ensuing panic evident

According to the local news, three schools in the neighboring county are closed due to "probable" - but as of yet unconfirmed - cases of H1N1. I don't want to rant over this, but I feel I must. As I told a coworker today, the influenza virus is biological force to be reckoned with. No matter what we do to combat it, all of our best efforts are for naught, since almost every regular flu season presents a slightly different strain of the virus. Of course, once most people catch the virus and recover from it, they have developed a level of immunity to that strain. Which is why our flu "vaccines" contain small amounts of the virus, in order to innocultate our immune system so that if we catch the flu at all, it will be less severe. And at this point, what are the signs that this new strain is more pathologically virulant or more deadly than your typical influenza that puportedly kills thousands every year? According to members of my family, my Great-Great Grandfather died during the Spanish flu epidemic of 1818 -1819. At that time, for many, basic sanitation was a luxury and there were large numbers of people living clustered in poverty-driven unhygienic conditions - just like the majority of the cases of death from H1N1 in Mexico (the news doesn't seem to be in too much of a hurry to be very forthright with that little gem of info, does it?). All we can do is be preventative (some basic hygiene, people!), and if you're sick for God's sake stay home! Closing schools won't keep people from going to the grocery store or kids from going to the mall, where they could unknowingly pass it around.

Use your braaaains

Thanks to Twitter, I see that the following headline is posted on a well done BBC mirror site today:

EU quarantines London in flu panic

The body of the article states:

There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in London due to mutation of the H1N1 virus into new strain: H1Z1.

Similar to a scare originally found in Cambodia back in 2005, victims of a new strain of the swine flu virus H1N1 have been reported in London.

After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it’s victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”

If you feel compelled to continue reading, here you go: (link)

It's amazing to me that schools are being shut down for the still relatively small number of US cases of this virus (I'm talking about the bug with the now porcine-senitive designation of "Influenza A", not the zombie-swine flu in the above link) when it is being reported that thousands of people die from regular flu-related complications every year. Seriously. I don't know why I'm even talking about it and now I feel like I'm contributing to all this coverage overkill. Dammit!

I've got your "sensitivity" right here!

There's been some crazy, kooky crap going on around the office park lately. We've had people suspected of sleeping on the job, mismanaged and mangled accounts, and a case of accused sexual harassment. The situation is this:

We have a mailroom employee who recently filed accusations against two coworkers. The employee claims that the other two were looking at...lets just say "inappropriate web content", and leave it at that - in front of her. Originally, her supervisors were a little dismissive, which everyone admits is problematic, but then again, no evidence of this "web content" was ever found on the computer that the employee claims was used for this activity. So the complaint, which without evidence of inappropriate behavior is essentially a he-said she-said situation, was forwarded to the new HR rep for investigation. This obviously would consist of a great deal of meetings with the principal individuals involved, as well as witnesses for or against either party. Now, please bear in mind that I do not work for HR. I was put in this suite because finding available office space around here is like finding water in the desert. I have been as sensitive as I could be to the confidentiality aspect of that department, but they seem to forget that I'm not "one of them". There are too many open-door meetings and conversations regarding sensitive, need-to-know topics. And there are just certain things I would prefer that I not be put in the position of knowing. Especially when you take into consideration the fact that my spouse works in the same department as the individuals involved in these harassment allegations.

And when the individual with the harassment claims leaves the HR reps office more or less accusing every male staff member of that entire department she works for of leering at the "scantily clad" women we are apparently overrun by, and insinuating that that is also a contributing factor to her continued "discomfort" and need for "counseling" because she's a "Good Christian woman". Not only that, but she's been going around accusing people of trying to intimidate her by tampering with her vehicle. Now it looks like they're going to arrange mandatory sexual harassment and workplace sensitivity training for everyone. Again.

Yeah...You know what? I have never had a problem with any of those guys in her department. If anything, many of them probably censor themselves when I'm down there visiting, or when they stop to chat with me when I'm on my breaks walking around the grounds. And when that woman used to walk into my old department and would go out of her way to loudly discuss her religious beliefs with another person who worked in that office to the point that it was both distracting and disruptive, did I make an issue of it? No. Not even after she got called into HR and reminded of the fact that not everyone appreciated or shared her beliefs. I understand the gravity of the accusations and the seriousness of the charges. But some of the things that have been said by this person to and around others have indicated that she either may not be all there, if you get my meaning, or may be trying to pull a little something...like a harassment lawsuit against either the company for "hostile workplace" (good luck!), or the individuals she is accusing. It frustrates me, because the company has to humor it, and it denegrates the case of every person who actually has a legitimate issue.



We just had company over. It was really kind of nice to hang out at home with new people. I wish we did that more often...it makes me feel like more of a grown-up.

Pandemic watch - the mood is tense

Variations on "flu" and "swine flu" are the highest rated trending topics on Twitter. I'm sure you're all as over the flu coverage as I am, so I'll try to give you something more interesting to read. Don't expect too much though...

I had a busy weekend, which is good, but kind of tiring. I had to get up early and get my son registered for summer camp. This year, instead of doing YMCA camp, we opted to sign him up for city play camp at the park up the street. Not only is it closer (half a block), but it is also saving us over a hundred dollars a month. Hooray for saving some coin. After standing in line for registration, and plunking down a good deal of money - the one downside is that payment is up front, instead of in weekly installments - we ran to the grocery store, came home to put the food away, and then ran out the door to try and meet up with one of my coworkers at the Fish and Wildlife open house event. We kept missing each other in the crowd, so we never met up, and my son and I left after an hour. We had plans to go to dinner with that same coworker that evening, so we dropped our son off at his grandparent's house for the night, and headed out to dinner. After dinner we went to the liquor super store. I bought Kahlua, and my husband picked up some more gin and some olive brine for making dirty martinis. Then we headed back to my coworker's house for drinks and some gossip. We didn't leave her house until after one in the morning. Slept in on Sunday, then went out to breakfast. After my in-laws delivered the kid back to us after church, we ran around to a couple of local nurserys looking at plants. I really wanted to go swimming yesterday, since it was a perfect day for it, but we were running around too much. I had to go to the park and fix the summer camp registration this morning - somehow it got charged incorrectly on Saturday. So I was late, and of course today would be the day when my boss wanted to talk to me about something first thing in the morning.

By the way, according to the people in charge of keeping track of statistics that only get utilized in times of mass hysteria: "...every year this decade...between 30,000 and 50,000 American deaths were recorded from complications related to the seasonal (common) flu. Another 40,000 people died in automobile accidents. And each year, gunshot wounds account for 30,000 deaths, around 4,000 people drown while swimming or boating and 60 people die from lightning strikes."

So go eat some bacon and chill the f*&k out, folks.

The waiting is the hardest part

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but I don't feel quite like myself. Not that I could define for you what "feeling like myself" might have ever felt like, but I'm pretty out of sorts these days. I'm bored and listless...and tired and grouchy and a little lightheaded sometimes. Some of this can probably be attributed not getting enough sleep. The boredom is probably bacause my job doesn't interest or challenge me right now. A change would do some good, probably. The space behind my eyeballs is throbbing and the pounding up on the roof has resumed. Its time to spare my brain while I try and hunt down some coffee - I'll start the search in whatever building they're not doing construction in.

I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed

I had a flash drive malfunction on me last week, and managed to lose all of the personal documents I'd been transporting back and forth on that device since Christmas. This is the second or third flash drive that has crapped out on me in a year. Either I'm doing something wrong, or they're just really unreliable for data storage. Either way, I lost a bunch of images (nothing personal - just lolcats and demotivators for the most part) and the most up to date version of my resume. So I spent part of yesterday and today trying to recreate my resume. I revised some things, and added some projects that I'd been working on lately. I had to scrap the template I used yesterday, because the formatting was botched. I reverted back to my old template, and I think it looks better - I just need to proofread and edit. I'm applying for a job at the main branch. It would bring a substantial increase, a change of scenery, some new challenges, and a much longer work commute. I have to weigh my personal comfort level against any potential gains and the best interests of my family, and it boils down to the fact that in the face of our long term plans (including a potential move by or around 2012) we could really use the money. So there you have it. All the motivation I could ever need. But I'm sure more motivation will come my way soon enough. Oh look - there comes some now!

Mid-week update of doom: This morning we got an email from the management that our budget cuts are expected to range anywhere from 5% to 19% - on top of the 19% that's already been cut over the last two years. How can an organization survive an almost 40% reduction in resources? Or is the question really can an organization survive that? The bizarre thing is, our business itself is seeing an upswing, but so much of our funding comes from the state that we're just eviscerating departments and programs to appease this legislative baying for blood, even as the need to provide services increases. So what you've got is a core group of staff "doing more with less", because no one knows how to effectively manage much of anything, especially money. They just spent $12K renovating the CEO's office so that the very disgruntled assistant would get her own office space again. So now she can stop being a spiteful and petty **** and get back to work, right? Because I'm doing work that supposedly I'm not "qualified" to do, which is why they had to hire an accountant at double my salary, but somehow I'm doing work that people who make twice what I do have in their job descriptions.

Ah! A triumph! I shall make a note of it.

The week thus far has been comprised of more or less slowly killing myself with projects while trying to keep up on my regular day-to-day work.

I got nominated for one of the employee service awards this year, and I received the trophy and monetary benefit earlier in the week. We've already spent most of the money on clothes for my husband and my son. The remainder was supposed to go toward savings, but I haven't spent any of it on myself, so I say screw savings - I have plans for that money. Plans that involve animatronic pirates and my favorite game called "dodge the tourist". So excited!

Yesterday I managed to spill an entire travel mug full of hot coffee all over myself (and my desk), which resulted in a ruined shirt, some coffe stained paperwork, and a lot of embarassment on my part. I had to get my husband to drive me home so I could change.

The new HR lady who has her office across from me is singing along to the music that she is playing rather loudly. I can hear her very clearly, even over the roof construction cacophany.

Zombie Ragtime Band!

This is an animated cartoon version of a short story written by Neil Gaiman:

Fan-girl euphoria buoyed by a massive sugar high

This has been a more awesome day than I expected. First, I browsed the CDP's latest installment of Lost Friday captions (I look forward to these posts every Friday and will be left with an empty void once the show and/or Lost captions come to their eventual end), then I found out I got one of the employee of the year awards (SSSHHHH it's a a big fat secret - I'm not supposed to know until they actually give them out next week), then there were cupcakes at the reception desk (I've only had one I swear) and THEN MST3K's Mike Nelson actually RT'd me to respond to a reply I made to one of his Twitter posts*. The squeals coming from my office were so high pitched, all the dogs within a three block radius broke out in a chorus of frantic barking and the glass in the administrative office doors shattered.


Best. Day. Ever!


*(Only some of these things are true...I had two cupcakes because I'm a pathetic glutton with a crippling frosting addiction)

Princess castles and twirling teacups

Special long-distance dedication to M:

Disney World Birthdayfest 2009 is a GO. Please tell me you're going to be able to get that day off?

In honor of today being Good Friday:

Resistance is voltage divided by current*

Since the last time I had the energy to post here, there have been trips to the aquarium, two children's birthday celebrations, and more exhausting fun than you can shake a pixie stick at.

At the beginning of the week I was ambushed with the "Employee of the Month" award. The award came with a gift card for a local grocery store chain (the B&N would have been more in line with my interests, but I can see the logic behind the choice of a grocery card) and a parking voucher. I offered the parking voucher to one of my co-workers, since I carpool every day and don't expect to use it. She made the mistake of asking her boss if it's okay (because the other departments have allowed voucher sharing), and he said no and then promptly had her tear it up. When she told me about what happened I was pretty annoyed, and planned to express my disappointment in not being able to share a benefit that I thought was mine to do with as I chose - and to bitterly complain about the destruction of my parking voucher. But they got me a new one before I could say anything, so now I just don't care.

I have a new "suite mate" (as the HR manager referred to her as). It took several days of being in the office directly across from her before I was even introduced. On her first day, someone was directed to inform me that if anyone asked, I was to say that this new employee was "on loan" from corporate. I was told that this was due to management being "sensitive" to the culture around the office currently relating to our supposed hiring and wage freezes, and they didn't want to upset anyone. I basically said that if it was true that the new employee was being "borrowed" from corporate (for a position that previously may not have existed since it was written in as part of the justification for the HR manager's last pay raise and probably wasn't advertised, anyway), then there was no reason for management to feel that it was a "sensitive" issue, and they could (and should) be honest and upfront about it. Unless it was a lie. In which case, I unequivocally refused to be a party to a lie to protect management. I won't be in collusion with anything that is in direct opposition with my personal ethics. Oh, and on her first day this new HR employee who is in charge of "employee relations" went around telling people that she got a pay increase as part of being transferred to our branch. Annnnd we have a winnah!

In addition to those events, I was told by my supervisor this week that something I've been doing - or rather not been doing, because it involves me not having access to software that is actually a redundant program for something that we already pay to utilize - is "unacceptable". Some bluff was called. It may have been a misguided choice on my part to not be that concerned with the functionality of that program, but stating to me that it is "unacceptable" for me to not request that IT fix a script error in software that is irrelelvant to my particular responsibilities is taking it a little far. I'll get it fixed, but I don't use that program for anything - I was under the impression that the department was responsible for providing the reports and data from that program to me. Otherwise, I'm doing part of their jobs. Which means - shouldn't I get part of their salary? I know - dream on, Sunshine.

There's work being done on the roof of my building this week. It sounds like they only employ obese yetis wearing lead loafers. I expect one of them to come falling through the ceiling any moment.

Meanwhile, the semi-suburban middle-class ennui continues unabated. Stay tuned for our next installment, coming soon...ish!


*It is also futile...

Elementary burgernomics

As a special treat I decided to get McDonalds for my son, since he's been fairly well behaved during his Spring Break. He orders the usual kid meal, and I figured that I only had enough money to get a double cheeseburger for myself. Which is okay, because I try to avoid eating McDonalds except for for those times when I basically only really need to eat something that just fits the mimimum requirements to be classified as "food". Apparently the lady at the drive through apparatus didn't hear me say "double cheeseburger", so it's a good thing I usually run through my order before I give them my money. And that's how I discovered the difference between a "McDouble" and a double cheeseburger: one piece of (processed) cheese (product)...and about $0.17.

While putzing around again today, I discovered what might be the genuine Twitter profiles of every principle castmember of the Harry Potter films. They are, of course, locked. If they weren't I'd figure they were fakes - like the Christopher Walken and Alysson Hannigan profiles that were recently outed. I think Gerard Butler and Kevin Spacey might be the real thing, but I am trying to not *follow* celebrities just because they're there. Oh - I can now post to Twitter via text message, thereby cementing my status as a complete dork who has no life.

(Dorkiness also evidenced by the fact that I found the above image HIlarious...)

Now, I have spreadsheets to work on. It's okay to envy my glamorous life. Really. I'm fine with it.

Cause celebre!

Soooo.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow happens to be April Fool's Day.

It is also Internet Annoyance Day.

Expect me to be emailing and Twitting and posting. In between my work projects, of course. But only if my boss gets me the info I need - which she'd agreed to do before the end of the day today. If she doesn't send me anything by tomorrow afternoon, this project is so screwed. (Update - she says she won't have it until at least Friday. I officially absolve myself of responsibility for this debacle)

Tonight during dinner to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday, my mother-in-law acted surprised to learn that I'm a year older than my husband. The husband who I've been with for about 12 years now (oh man - that's why I have to think about it when people ask...I've blocked it from my mind).

Thar she blows

Twitter's been getting a lot of use out of the ol' Fail Whale lately:

I guess there's been some sort of mad rush to sign up and it's giving the servers a workout...so I suppose we can expect the site to be saturated with douchebag-come-lately types just like every other internet novelty in recent memory? Awwwwesome.

I don't entirely know why, but I just registered with jobster.com. It's not like I don't have enough freaking online profiles already (MySpace (which I've stopped really checking/updating)...Facebook...Fark...Blogger...LinedIn...Twitter...and also today, Flickr). But, Jobster allows you to post your resume, which LinkedIn doesn't, and I guess I'm on sort of a "networking" kick lately.

My coworkers are helpless. One asked me to try and help her find the address for a local restaurant, then another one wanted me to help on the verbiage for the invitations to the upcoming staff awards reception. I'd really like to know why they insist on doing this to me when I am able do my projects just fine without having to involve everyone else within a twenty foot radius. Someone told me today that my new boss seems to think I have self-confidence issues, because I am not all kinds of super agressive in my approach and I don't show much interest in having "face time" with the upper management. I think it's time to demonstrate how badly she's misjudged me.

Hi. I'm fine. How have you been?

I have a new desktop background, compliments of Nerdist (via a Twitter post by Wil Wheaton). It's really adorable. I need to take the time to figure out how to post links and images. Maybe next week, since I'll have some time off. Also - I need to go welcome the CDP to the Twitter minions. It's just another outlet to allow people to be annoying semi-stalkers in a socially acceptable way. Speaking of semi-stalking...I'm officially over MySpace, but I'll keep the profile for now, since I've had it this long. I recently accidently discovered that my former best friend in high school (friend turned nemesis, that is, so that would make her my "fremisis"?) is on Facebook. I wasn't looking fer her, and I'm conflicted about the possibility that she may stumble upon my profile as well. Of course, I have mine set to limited view, and the MySpace profile is private, so on the other hand I'm not sure that I really care if she finds me.

We've got dinner with the Millers tonight. It's been a while since we've gotten together, so I'm sure that there will be drinks a'plenty and radio industry gossip will abound. Then tomorrow I get to take M to her first EVER Rainaissance Festival (Upon review/edit I see I mangled "Renaissance", but it amused me so it stays). Very exciting!

Now, it's time to send a few emails, shuffle through my endless projects and get ready for two back to back meetings. At least they're providing lunch.

Has anyone seen my ruby slippers?

A coworker was just talking to me about the fact that I'm incredibly tired. More than tired, actually - exhausted, not just physically but mentally...and I think it's really showing now. I mentioned that I had to get a refund from the petty cash because the vending machine ate my money yesterday when I tried to buy a Starbucks bottled Frappucino and she proceeded to express her disapproval of my dietary choices. Then, she inexplicably offered me chocolate - much like the other coworker downstairs who would also ply me with candy - and for whatever reason has been continually foisting imported chocolate on me since she started...I don't even like chocolate that much and yet I keep eating it anyway! Pure! Evil! Oh. It's on, woman.

I've been working on a really boring project for a couple of days, so that hasn't helped. What could be worse than having to flip through hundreds of pages of reports and document my handwritten notes, and then contact other departments to follow up on those notes. It feels like I'm having to remind people to do their jobs...my own version of a tormented afterlife scenario. "The burning means we're working! "

My husband has taken to expressing how much he now hates the state that he's spent his whole *entire* life residing in. He wants to move, something awful. I tend to think that part of it is a form of wanterlust since he has an "anywhere but here" attitude, and the other part of it is that we're both suffering waning optimism as we head into our early 30s. There's a cloud of malaise and resignation hanging over this state...a plummeting housing market (I don't even know if our house would resell for the balance of our mortgage)...decreases in state-wide services because of the mass-exodus of family age residents putting a dent in state tax revenues...declining morale at work because the job market makes us feel trapped as we see no prospects for either of our careers (if we even have jobs after the summer -- yes, it is getting that bad). He sees greener grass out of state. Literally - we're in a drought and are under sever watering restrictions, so almost everywhere else (where it isn't still snowing) has greener grass. What seems to be frustrating him is that we've switched roles. A few years ago it was me sending him job information for the Carolinas and Georgia, and MLS numbers to check out real estate in Pennsylvania. Now I'm not sure that such a move would improve our circumstances, and he's the one trying to convince me of what a great idea it is. I think we're both the kind of people who can settle down and stay put for a long time. A lot of my family is made up of the the opposite type - the ones who are constantly picking up and moving either to get a "fresh start" or to run away from their situation, and I grew up watching various clans moving back and forth from town to town and state to state. Some people might think of it as a form of freedom to be able to just pack up and move across the country without much of a long-term plan or giving the whole thing much thought. The idea just terrifies me. Starting over? But I worked so hard to get here, where I am now...nuh uh. I'm good. If things take a turn for the worse or a really amazing opportunity is presented to me, then I'll reconsider, but for now, making that big move is just a pipe dream.

The answer would be...is there tea?

Just when I start to think that Twitter is just the latest trendy useless time-wasting gadget that I don't half understand, Neil Gaiman goes and posts this:

So I can read utterly random and sometimes interesting little posts by a variety of famous (and not so famous) people, and reply back equally randomly. Hmmm. Twitter: Facebook's obnoxious little sister. I think it's BRILLIANT.

This place is certainly uncontaminated by any brains!

The plot...thickens? Maybe congeals, like a hearty stew of mistrust and antipathy?

This morning, while walking back from a meeting that the boss ended up being postponed, my new coworker decided to warn me about trusting one of my other coworkers (who happens to be a friend of mine who has worked for this place for many, many year, whereas the one giving me the *warning* has been here for all of - what, maybe three months?) by telling me that my friend "plays both sides". I turned to her and said "Yeah. And? Everyone does." She looked at me for a second before walking on ahead of me. See - here's the thing: I'm very upfront about not being full of raging ambition like some of the folks around here. Some of them then make the tremendous mistake of thinking that I'm not secretly as devious and full of duplicitous intent as they are. Nobody suspects the accomodating, quiet one. The one who no one barely notices over there to the side at the meeting? Yeah. That's me. And I am catching every whispered word and eyeroll, noticing where everyone sits, and calculating who is in good with who these days. This is useful information. Then there are the people in the know who sometimes tell me a lot of things they probably shouldn't, if they knew how I could use it. Oh, not that I would, mind you. But...there's also the fact that they don't know that for sure.

As the saying goes..."Give them enough rope..."

Negative karmic indicators

I found a lump on my dog's abdomen, just behind her left leg. It is soft, and moves a little under her skin when you touch it. I don't have enough experience with cancer to know if that is what I'm dealing with. And I'm afraid to confront the possibility just yet. This is why I was awake until around 2 a.m. - I sat up worrying over it and couldn't shut my brain off long enough to get any decent sleep. She's ten, so it figures that everything would be going wrong with her health. I had taken her into the vet again for another hematoma at the beginning of the week, but we're letting this one heal on its own instead of putting her through surgery a second time. I suppose, looking back a the experience of the first occurrance, we could have done that for the first one, but I was going off of the advice of another clinic that surgery would be the best option. I just wonder how long that bump has been there, and whether the vet would have caught it if she didn't know to look for it?


Yesterday as I was leaving work, the Tannenator's assistant told me that there had been reports of a possible planned shooting at an area Wal-Mart. Of course, no one knew which one, so I was told to avoid all of them. This was no problem, since I make every effort to not patronize the Empire That Sam Walton Built on general principle, but I was immediatly doubtful at any rate. This sounded like typical chain-letter urban legend scenario bull. It wasn't mentioned on the sites for the local papers, or the news stations. I didn't expect it to be. But oddly enough, at some point last night, I got the following mysteriously anonymous text message from some number I don't recognize:

FWD: Don't go 2 any walmarts 2nite there will be an gang initiation and they have to kill 3 women at each Walmart. Tell all ur loved ones Be safe

You've gotta love technology sometimes...

It's all downhill from here, then?

And we're not talking some leisurely roll down a gently sloping hill - more like plummetting off of a sheer cliff face into a yawning abyss.

The state legislature is in session, and they've introduced the potential of cutting state employee pay. This would presumably be across the board, with no regard to salary level or any other mitigating factor. Supposedly, they projected what the savings would be on one percent and extrapolated on that figure to get them to a number that would help to balance the budget shortfalls. Some news sources (the ones that haven't buried the story behind the sports or entertainment "news", anyway) are saying the magic number is 5%, but I heard that the Governor's assistant is saying 10%. My family cannot take a 10% - 20% reduction to our total household income. As it is, my husband hasn't seen a pay increase in several years, and lost his second, part-time job late last year. Everyone wants to tell me that this is "worst case scenario" budgeting and that I really should wait and see what happens before giving myself over to panic and anxiety, and oh of course, just be thankful to have a job at all. And you know what - they're right, and I am. But only to a point, because in no way does that give my employer OR the state the right to either take advantage of the situation (more than they already have) or punish me for their failure to practice due diligence and be good stewards of the people's money. The state's dire financial situation is a result of years of sub-par leadership, mismanagement, and poor decisionmaking. And instead of expecting the state employees from the lowest salary levels bear the burden of these mistakes while further eroding infrastructure and services, consistantly short-changing the state's education system, and short-sightedly rob the rain-day reserves, the Legislators and the Governor should man up and look at cutting areas of redundancy and *actual* waste (double-dipping and ridiculous bonuses and salary levels for state employees in managerial and administrative level positions), increasing revenue streams through sin taxes, and repealing some of the more ridiculous tax exemptions - even if it is the least popular alternative, it is among the most sound options in the long term.

Now with more bite (me)

I just finished a bowl of homemade split pea and sausage soup and a baggie of grapes at my desk. I'm eating at my desk because I had an appointment this morning, which made me a couple hours late for work today. I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to get my tasks in order for the week...I haven't even made my to-do list yet and there were nine missed calls waiting for me when I got here. I'm really starting to get pissed about that, honestly. Is it really necessary to call me that many damn times? I feel like putting an outgoing message on my phone that says "If you are calling with a problem that you should be solving yourself but are going to attempt to pawn off on me in order to make your life easier, please hang up now, and do not try again". I had two projects recently that were done to basically make life easier for others, which, looking back, has been the majority of what I've done in the (almost) five years I've worked here. The other reason I end up getting involved in other people's projects is because the extremely over-educated staff here for whatever reason can't format information on a spreadsheet - I found out today that a PhD didn't know how to use the bar at the bottom of the screen to view a complete worksheet, and I wasn't sure whether to be amused or utterly terrified. I was handed a project last week that had nothing to do with my job anymore, but I was trying to be helpful to my old department and worked it up in a document for them - now they're referring every issue and question to me instead of the person the manager originally gave the project to. It's effing ridiculous. There's just so much to get done, and I find myself really losing interest in it lately. I just end up thinking that there aren't that many people here who care - why should I? It's so nice outside...what the hell am I doing here when I could be by the pool with a Terry Pratchett book and a refreshing beverage? Yes, I know it's the malaise talking, and eventually it will pass. But for now... :sigh:

So, whatever, I guess. I had a busy weekend. On Saturday we drove over to the home office, just to find out that the department we were going to pick some software up from wasn't open (and found out today that their supervisor says they were open...because the employees said they were - someone has fudged timesheets, methinks). There's a giant grass cow in front of the main building. I took pictures, and if I can ever figure out how to get them off my cell phone, I'll post them to fb or something. So, since we were in that part of town and decided not to waste the trip, we went to the "upscale" mall. It's amazing what a slumping economy will do to the attitudes of salespeople who previously wouldn't give someone like me the time of day. The place was practically empty, and I didn't see a lot of people actively shopping, despite the sales that were being offered. We went to lunch over near the football stadium, and in the middle of our meal the local "porn king" walked past our table as he was leaving. Between that and Hulk Hogan driving past me on the way home, my life is full of brushes with near infamy. Saturday night my husband and I were kidless, so we went out to dinner at a local restaurant that specializes in German and Austrian dishes. It was one of the best dinners I've ever had. Then, for a lack of anything better to do, we drove over to our local mall. Two malls in the same day? I don't normally make that many trips to the mall in a month, let alone one day, and I was reminded of why. On Sunday we had a new gate installed, which took a lot longer than I thought, but it looks really good and we can use the side walkway to get in and out of the yard now.

The following is for M, because it is relevant to her interests:

Italy dig unearths female 'vampire' in Venice
By ARIEL DAVID Associated Press Writer

ROME (AP) -- An archaeological dig near Venice has unearthed the 16th-century remains of a woman with a brick stuck between her jaws - evidence, experts say, that she was believed to be a vampire. The unusual burial is thought to be the result of an ancient vampire-slaying ritual. It suggests the legend of the mythical bloodsucking creatures was tied to medieval ignorance of how diseases spread and what happens to bodies after death, experts said.

The well-preserved skeleton was found in 2006 on the Lazzaretto Nuovo island, north of the lagoon city, amid other corpses buried in a mass grave during an epidemic of plague that hit Venice in 1576.

"Vampires don't exist, but studies show people at the time believed they did," said Matteo Borrini, a forensic archaeologist and anthropologist at Florence University who studied the case over the last two years. "For the first time we have found evidence of an exorcism against a vampire."

Medieval texts show the belief in vampires was fueled by the disturbing appearance of decomposing bodies, Borrini told The Associated Press by telephone.

During epidemics, mass graves were often reopened to bury fresh corpses and diggers would chance upon older bodies that were bloated, with blood seeping out of their mouth and with an inexplicable hole in the shroud used to cover their face.

"These characteristics are all tied to the decomposition of bodies," Borrini said. "But they saw a fat, dead person, full of blood and with a hole in the shroud, so they would say: 'This guy is alive, he's drinking blood and eating his shroud.'"

Modern forensic science shows the bloating is caused by a buildup of gases, while fluid seeping from the mouth is pushed up by decomposing organs, Borrini said. The shroud would have been consumed by bacteria found in the mouth area, he said.

At the time however, what passed for scientific texts taught that "shroud-eaters" were vampires who fed on the cloth and cast a spell that would spread the plague in order to increase their ranks.

To kill the undead creatures, the stake-in-the-heart method popularized by later literature was not enough: A stone or brick had to be forced into the vampire's mouth so that it would starve to death, Borrini said.

That's what is believed to have happened to the woman found on the Lazzaretto island, which was used as a quarantine zone by Venice. Aged around 60, she died of the plague during the epidemic that also claimed the life of the painter Titian.

Much later, someone jammed the brick into her mouth when the grave was reopened. Borrini said that marks and breaks left by blunt instruments on several among more than 100 skeletons found by the archaeologists show that the grave was reused in a later epidemic.
Such a reconstruction of events is plausible, as is the link to the superstitions about "shroud-eaters," said Piero Mannucci, the vice president of the Italian Society of Anthropology and Ethnology.

"Maybe a priest or a gravedigger put the brick in her mouth, which is what was normally done in such cases," Mannucci said.

The anthropologist, who did not take part in Borrini's research, said that at a time when bacteria were unknown, such superstitions were a way for the terrified population to explain the waves of plague epidemics that killed millions during the Middle Ages. Jews were also often accused of spreading the disease.

Borrini said the discovery shows that vampires in popular culture were originally quite different from the elegant, aristocratic blood-drinker depicted in Bram Stoker's 1897 novel "Dracula" and in countless Hollywood revisitations.

"The real vampire of tradition was different," he said. "It was just a decomposing body."