When those clowns go marching in

Happy Feast of Thanksgiving!!

The boy and I got up early this morning, and I made breakfast. Now we're watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade (since my husband nixed the Christmas music during breakfast). For a modern cynical child, my son sure is enthralled by the parade floats. Later we'll be going to partake in the traditional overendulgence and gluttony with my husband's family. I expect the following: Much consuming of starches...drinking to excess...possible drama incited by the typical family dynamic and free flowing alcohol...and napping.

Tomorrow we'll get the Chrismannukah decor out of the attic, since we'll probably get the yule tree over the weekend, and I'm actually going to brave Black Friday. Pray for me to pass through this trial in safety.

Well, actually, I'm just going to the scrapbooking store with my mom. They're having a HUGE SALE. So the worst that might happen is that I get in a minor squabble over die cuts with a middle aged lady in one of those seasonal knitted sweaters with appliqe and pom-poms.

Nothin' says lovin'...

So I just made dough for molasses cookies based on an Amish recipe. Word to the wise: always check the serving sizes. I got to the point of adding the flour and thought "six cups??". Yeah. "Makes eight dozen cookies". The first dozen is in the oven cooking - this is going to take a while.

M called earlier. We haven't gotten together to hang out for a while. It's been a little tough lately, since we live so far apart, have such different schedules and, of course, money (the lack of it, anyway) is always a consideration. We''l have to do something about our slump in the new year.

Work has been. Just...been. I've had a huge project I've been working on for a couple of weeks. I get two phone calls every day checking on the progress. Thankfully, my part is pretty much done, since the deadline was to have it wrapped up as much as possible before the Thanskgiving break. Now, all I have to do is periodic updates - it is up to the department to pursue their substantial uncollected revenue. The hard part is that the accounting system only gets updated periodially, so the reports I get my data from aren't real-time, compared to where those repots are in fact pulling from. The bosses want me to get access to the other system, so that I can update the revenue report every day. I won't even go into the reasons why I balk at this, except to say that I guess everything else I do would be taking a back seat. The new business manager was offered the job, and starts at the beginning of January. So that's exciting - I'm glad they chose who they did, since I think she was without question the best candidate for that job (as it's written on paper...but we all know how that goes).

Because the schools are closed for a full week for Thanksgiving, I worked half days Monday and Tuesday and took my son into work with me in the afternoons. It was an experience I don't wish to repeat any time soon, but everyone was really patient about it. Hopefully they realize that the options are either bring him with me and get a little work done or stay home and get nothing accomplished, except for excessive napping - which, in and of itself is awesome, but really unproductive.

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice"

Since the holiday shopping season is now in full swing, I thought I'd do a little public service for those who haven't quite decided what to get for the hard-to-shop-for in their lives, to make the gift buying ordeal a little less painful this year. Trust me. You'll thank me later. And if you don't...

Well, Santa can easily take back the Aqua Globes and ShamWow, mister!

First up, we have the Snuggie - a innovative blanket with sleeves. Perfect for that batty old Aunt who was just released from the asylum and misses the reassuring warmth and snug fit of the mandatory straitjackets. Plus, it is shaped to fit like a dumpy friar robe, so its fashionable as hell.



Next, there are the Tini Puppinis. They may look at first glance like harmless stuffed animals. But look closer. Go ahead, I'll wait.




Do you see it? They're wearing clothes! Slightly...skanky clothes, to be precise. In the commercial one of the plush toys is even potrayed as saying "I love my tail in these jeans". Weren't Bratz enough? Now we've moved on to ratcheting up the slut factor of stuffed dogs in the march to ensure the trampification of our impressionable youth? The website even features a section where you can skank out an online puppini by tarting it up in oddly proportioned, barely-coordinating outfits (sans knickers) in the "fashion show designer", or let your precious snowflakes practice slathering virtual makeup on animals in the "makeup designer" - perfect for the budding animal researcher in your brood.



Other swell holiday gift ideas include anything sold late at night on cable channels that no one watches except insomniacs and cat ladies. Examples of such products include the Strap Perfect (which resembles some sort of torture device) and the uncomparable Pancake Puff Pan.



Because nothing says "I love you!" quite like the thoughtless gift of a unitasking junk food preparation device that cooks up unappetizingly mediocre dough balls and adds to your kitchen clutter!

The bloodsucking Brady Bunch!

I've put off talking about this as long as possible, but I find that I just can't delay the inevitable any longer...

General Disclaimer: I have not read a single book in the Twilight series, so, by all means, take the opinions expressed here (strictly those of the author, yadda yadda), with a grain of salt. Also, be warned: there are considerable SPOILERS lurking here.

Who the hell is the idiot who decided that the main character of a movie based on a book about hyper-sexualized (and yet somehow oddly prudish and pent up) supernatural beings should look like this:

Why do film makers always make vampires look so damned aenemic?? I understand that he's a member of the legion of night-stalking undead and all that (granted, in the novel, the Cullens don't drink *human blood* :cough:plotdevicecop-out:cough:), but come on. The trailer is so many shades of the teenage experience - all slouching and brooding and awkward tension. And THEN! Bang. Smash. The formulaic and utterly predictable battle of good...ish versus evil...er. At least, I guess that's what the second act is. I had to watch the trailer on mute.

Now, normally I'm very receptive to the anti-hero archetype, but from what I've read (and now seen) of Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight Saga' series, I don't think I'm willing to buy into the hype based on how thinly drawn the characters seem to be - and, even more so, the Romeo-and-Juliet style gothic romance that passes for the primary plot in this murky, diluted little serial drama. I'm not much of a fan of the vampire genre, generally, even when it is done well. So the fact that this series takes serious license with the traditional vampire mythology, without adding anything of merit to the lore itself, is disappointing. Honestly - for anyone wanting to get an idea of why the angst-ridden fangirls and bodice-ripping matrons have made this particular author a pile of money for a sub-par piece of literary fluff that can't even compete with the Harry Potter series in terms of quality, following, and (potential) longevity, all you need to know is what the star of the film adaptation thinks of the source material, and the intentions of the woman who is responsible for it:

When I read it, it seemed like (grimaces) I was convinced that ... Stephenie was ... convinced that she was Bella, and uh, and you, it wasn't, it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her ... her sort of sexual fantasy about some -- especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, "Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy" and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that it's like, I was just convinced that, that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation and I -- sometimes you, like, feel uncomfortable reading this thing".

"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't to that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus he's an 108 year old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."

So, there you have it. Twilight in a nutshell: teenage. vampire. porn. With religiously influenced moral undertones, because where else would you expect to read passages from Genesis and proselytizing on the merits of waiting until marriage (is wedding the bloodsucking undead even legal??) to consumate your forbidden passions with your demon lover?

Like a kind of poetry

(My workplace is somewhere in this picture - can you guess which building I'm in?)

This morning there was a blanket of fog hanging over the tops of the buildings downtown. There should be a little bit of a cold front moving in to bring the temperatures down this weekend. As I was walking to my building along the sea wall a small snook came into the shallows and kept pace with me until I reached the harbor. I've noticed an increase in the number and variety of sea birds using the docks and fishing closer to the marina, and there's been an osprey using one of the buildings as a platform during its circuits on the parimeter around the basin.

I'm a little tired today. I was up late reading Hyperion, so now I'm about three quarters of the way through, at the point where Brawne Lamia is relating her reason for being on the pilgrimage. I was reading some spolier-free reviews, and the comparisons to Chaucer's Canterbury Tales is pretty accurate. I've also noticed a distinct theme in each of the traveler's stories. The beginning of Lamia's was very reminiscent of a pulp detective novel, with a bit of role reversal. I'm enjoying all of the references to Keats, as well. I thought the story of the Weintraubs was appropriately tragic, and I was reminded of both The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (coming soon to a theater near you...) and, to a lesser extent, Counterclock World. But I have a sense that, obviously, nothing is as it seems with any of these stories. I'm waiting for the traitor to be revealed - I'm sure it won't be who I'm thinking it is at this point.

A need for strong and burnt coffee compelled me to wander over to the bookstore and even though they didn't have the second book in the Hyperion series in stock (the selection at that particular B&N is limited because it's an unusually small store), I did pick up Pratchett's Lords and Ladies and The Man in the High Tower by PKD. This is Dick's alternate future novel, which I've heard a lot of praise for - according to the forward, it heavily relied on one of my favorite books as a reference: The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shirer. I got a lot of funny looks while toting that huge volume around in 9th and 10th grade...more than once someone actually had the nerve to ask me if I was a neo-Nazi (me of all people?! C'mon now!). I always had to explain that it was an account of historical fact, not a damn how-to manual.

It is our most modestly priced receptacle

I received a statement from one of my retirement accounts in the mail today. I just...shouldn't have opened the envelope. I'm sure they could hear the mournful keening as far away as the mountains of Tibet. They probably thought it was an unhappy Yeti, though.

I have Veteran's Day off. I hope to get some things accomplished, run some errands, that sort of thing. We're enclosing our porch, so we may pick up the door and the window, so that we have everything ready Saturday to be installed. Originally, the plan was to go fishing. But my pole is broken, and it's the wrong time of year, anyway, so we're scrapping that.

I picked up some books on vacation - I just finished Pratchett's Witches Abroad, and now I'm eager to start at the beginning and work myself to the middle. I just started Hyperion this evening, and thanks to a Fark thread that main-paged today, I've added to my wishlist (again). I'll post my full Amazon list, eventually.

I hope to spend a little time on my day off doing some reading, if I'm lucky. And then I ope to retunr to work with a renewed sense of purpose and motivation. To say I've been slacking is to be understating things quite a bit.

I was going to post a video for the song 'They' by Jem. It seems to have been blocked by YouTube for "content", however. So, instead, you can have Slinky Cat:



Who walks the stair without a care
It shoots so high in the sky.
Bounce up and down just like a clown.
Everyone knows its Slinky.

The best present yet to give or get
The kids will all want to try.
The hit of the day when you're ready to play
Everyone knows it's Slinky.

It's Slinky, It’s Slinky
for fun it's the best of the toys
It's Slinky, It’s Slinky
the favorite of girls and boys.

Now, from beyond the grave...

The rumor that just won't die!

So.

NOW I'll be moving upstairs some time around the beginning of the new calendar year - supposedly. This is what I was told today. Two weeks ago I was told that once one of the other departments moves downstairs, and the new position was filled to round out the "team", then space would be made for me up in empty suites within what I affectionatly refer to as "The Shark Tank".

Maybe now they'll make up their minds, stop jerking me around, and get down to business?

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.

Life is just one damned thing after another. ~ Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

I just made the mistake of reading some of my posts from the inaugural year of my blogging experiment, begun way back in Naught Six. I realized two things:

1. I was funnier and less bitter back then
2. I used names, and didn't even attempt to hide identities.
3. Somehow, in those 400 and change very randomly published posts, I've managed to not use the same post title more than once. Now that I consider an accomplishment! I may have ruined that streak with today's post title, though, so...D'oh!
   

So, this weekend I will be slogging through my own archives and deleting identifying information. And reflecting on the hardened, angst filled, criminally un-funny shell of my former self that I see refelcted in the morass of complaint and kvetching that my blog is currently. What I'm sure I'll conclude is that I need to get out more. My soul craves adventure and rockin' good times. And much, much less of the soul-crushing desk-jockey drama. As John la Carre once said: a desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world.

Yes. We. Did.

What else is there to say...?

(Illustration by Patrick Moberg)

We flipped my state and made that baby Blue!

The downside was that a measure to ban gay marriage and gay civil unions in Florida's state Constitution was pretty much passed. The amendment to the State Constitution not only limited the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman, but also banned legal unions and their "substantial equivalent," which could raise the question of whether public employers, like community colleges and the city and other government agencies, can continue offering health care benefits to domestic partners.

That damn proverbial straw.

The boss, the boss's boss and the head of HR just paraded down here to take pictures with my coworker because she was selected as one of "employees of the month". They made a big fuss over the fact that she "answers the phones cheerfully, without complaint". Oh really?! Without complaint, eh? I guess I'm suffering from auditory hallucinations, then? And one gets lauded now for answering the damn phones?

Jesus farking cripes.

Is it petty to feel this way over something so trifling? Probably. Do I still feel overlooked and underappreciated, and that I'm toiling away at a damn near thankless job and wasting countless hours behind this desk? Very much so. But I have bills to pay, so I'll grin and bear it...or grit my teeth and stealthily vent to some of my more sympathetic compatriots who are just as demoralized and disgruntled as I am. (Supposedly a friend of mine from upstairs is going to nominate me for the warm and fuzzy Employee of the Month award for this month, anyway, but it's hardly the point if my boss thinks so little of me that HE can't be bothered to freaking nominate me himself. Maybe if I answered phones and surfed the internet all day...)

Regardless, I spent part of the morning updating my resume. Too bad the job market is in the crapper, or I'd throw out a line and see what bites.

Sometimes, the jokes write themselves.

Case in point: A Pope and a phyisicist walk into an evolution conference...

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) – Pope Benedict told a gathering of scientists including the British cosmologist Stephen Hawking on Friday that there was no contradiction between believing in God and empirical science.

***

In an interview with Reuters last year, Hawking said he was "not religious in the normal sense."
"I believe the universe is governed by the laws of science," he said. "The laws may have been decreed by God, but God does not intervene to break the laws."

(Is it wrong that I have so many images of Stephen Hawking?)

I'm back from vacation. My workplace was still standing when I went in this afternoon, so that was kind of a mixed blessing, wasn't it.

Ugh. My husband is glued to CNNs election eve coverage. I'm anxious to see this election season at an end. I can barely stand all the rhetoric and attempts at whipping up fear and paranoia. This type of event, it seems to me, often brings out who people really are, deep down, and there have been times in the home stretch of this race where I've seen a very unflattering glimpse of people I would normally consider rational and reasonable. Regardless of who you choose to vote for, at least exercise one of your fundamental liberties and vote. For me, the choice is clear...