I want to smite, smite, smite, smite, smite, the whole day down.

I have a conference I'm supposed to be going to next week in Orlando (big up to the angriest city in the FLA, yo!). A bunch of the staff are going, and the plan was to rent a van. But - big surprise - no one is willing to drive the van. So I've decided that everyone will drive themselves, or can carpool together. As for me, I've never driven myself to the big city across the bay, let alone two hours to the City That Walt Built. But, I figure, if I can make it to ORL, I can make it to south Georgia next year as Megansita and I have planned. Then next Saturday, I'll be taking part in the local Susan G. Komen Foundation Race. Megi wants to do the 5K, so I guess that's what we'll do. Pray that my legs don't give out on me by the time it's over. I'm only $30 short of my donation goal. *Hint Hint*

"Terror must be maintained or the empire is doomed"

From a story on CNN.com this afternoon comes this little gem: President Bush said he would declassify an intelligence document that reportedly finds the Iraq war has increased the terror threat to the United States. "It will stop all the speculation, all the politics about somebody saying something about Iraq," Bush said........

........Wait. What? I thought the Iraq war was meant to make us safer? But, instead there's a report that concludes this war has potentially increased the treat of bodily harm to the citizens of this country due to an increase in terror funding and growing anti-US sentiment in that part of the world as a result of our involvement? <*sarcasm*> No! Really!? <*/sarcasm*> And then, he says the American people should come to their own conclusions. Oh, come on, Bushy - the mere fact that you were re-elected for a second term indicates that the majority is not so good at thinking for themselves. Why not just gently lead them to the conclusion you want them to come to, as has been done so effortlessly in the past? Could it be that it is becoming more and more difficult to pull the wool over the collective people's eyes?

The Prez went on to state that media accounts of the leak were meant to "create confusion in the minds of the American people" and suggested that the report had been leaked for political purposes. Oh. Of course. Because no responsible media entity would print information regarding this report simply due to a sense of journalistic integrity and the search for the truth. And because our loving and altruistic Government for the people by the people would never in a million years lie to us. Obviously. And we the people just want to know what color suit Katie Couric will be wearing while she perches on the edge of her newsdesk with her approachable soccer-mom haircut to gently spoon feed us the nightly news propaganda she reads from the teleprompter.

Oops. My politics are showing. How embarassing...

The chaos butterfly adversely affects my weekends, too...

So there's been this ongoing debacle involving a check for a student, that has become the bane of my existence. Or one of the banes, along with the whole hiring process lately. But this thing with the check is getting utterly ridiculous. I mean, can we not get our collective shit together so this kid gets paid? I think we're on the way to totally ruining his life...at least, that's what he'd have us think.
Oh hey - the old boss is here. How weird. And I think I may have just said too much, but hell, it's all public here when all is said and done.

I'm seriously looking down the barrel of a busy weekend upcoming, between finally getting windows and Devin's first ever school-friend birthday party on Sunday. Next weekend is just jam-packed, too, between yet another pre-K friend birthday (this one's at Chuck-E-Cheese's *score*), and more home improvement plans. Then the following weekend is equally busy. Whew. How did this happen, all of this socialization and activity planning??

Weekend update...uh, updates.

Not necessarily improvements, however. I guess some of the internet predictions regarding cast changes to this season of SNL were partially accurate - the new cast has been announced, with some noticable absences. And The Killers will be the suck-ass musical guests for the premier on September 30th. And Andy Samberg still isn't very funny in anything. Except for the Lazy Sunday Chronicles of Narnia skit with the ever-funny Chris Parnell (who is leaving SNL). Which I would post here, if I could find it on YouTube. But it seems that NBC/Universal ruined that for me with the serving of a cease and desist notice to several video sharing sites. I hate them. I hate them soooo much right now. Cause I would give anything to sing along to "the cupcakes, the cupcakes".

So, instead, here's Chronicles of Libraria, courtesy of some USF Tampa student. Hey, dude - your mini-metropolis of higher learning clearly owns my waterfront campus of ill regard. I mean, check out the juice/smoothie bar. We're still waiting for our promised, but as yet undelivered, Starbucks.

I'm so tired, I can't even tell if this is clever or not. Someone let me know if I have erred on the side of the un-funny.

UN-listening skills

I had my first informal "conference" with my son's afternoon Pre-K teacher yesterday. It seems that he has been refusing to participate in circle time, and this causes a distruption for the other children. He does have issues with listening, but now my husband and I are at odds about what to do to help resolve the problem. I think my son needs more one-on-one structured time with mom and dad in the evenings and on weekends, where he has to follow instructions and directions (games, art, helping with chores, etc.). My husband's answer so far has been to scale back on tv and computer time, which is all well and good in general anyway, but he tends to lose sight of the root cause of the behavior. Just because you take away tv time does not mean you send the kid into his room for the majority of the evening by himself to have totally random, unstructured play time where he makes the rules and does whatever he wants. That does not solve the problem. It just confuses the kid! Taking away his toys and assigning an earlier bed time will also not address the bigger issue of the fact that my son is an only child, who although he's been in preschool or daycare of some form for half of his life, still prefers to be by himself a lot of the time and isn't crazy about being a "joiner". So, he's just like his mom! I think we need to plan more family time together, and I plan on buying a task chart for assigned chores and activities that make him develop his listening skills and make the idea of being part of the group seem more appealing to him. How many years of this do I have to look forward to, now???

Saw a bumper sticker on a jeep yesterday that said "If you can read this, roll me over". That's kind of how I feel. If you can see the look on my face this week, buy me a drink. I'll be your best frieeennnd!!

My hovercraft is full of eels...

I saw a bald eagle while driving on Park Street on the way to Sam's Club today. And at Sam's Club I saw two very scary people making out in the candy isle, which caused me to take a sharp turn in search of the "eye bleach" isle. *residual shudder* Also, some woman stopped my husband in the store and remarked (about the resemblance between my husband and my my son) "Did you clone yourself, because he looks just like you!"
Seriously, lady? Okay, lets start at the beginning, and I'll go kind of slow, so you can follow along. See, there's this thing called DNA, which stands for dioxyribonucleic acid...

(And here's the Monty Python sketch that the headline references...)

You forgot the refrain of drink drink drink!

What I learned today:
Carmelita's = Good sangria
Athenian Garden = Bad sangria
**Apologies to M for monopolizing the conversation and making our friendly lunch all about work. We swear every time it won't happen again, but then it does, and you sit there and just accept it. You're such a sport. I owe you a drink. And remember - a dry sponge is not a happy sponge.

The website maintenance program they use at work (Adobe - formerly Macromedia - Contribute), is so crazy simple that, if someone says they can't figure out how to use it, check to make sure they haven't accidently lobotomized themselves. Honestly, there's absolutly no HTML or CSS code involved - it's all templated out for you, you just edit the text and picture content more or less. It's easier to use than this blogging site. How sad is that??
Here's a head scratcher for you. Every Friday at 5:00 pm on the minute the exterior first floor doors of the building I work in lock automatically. Unless you have an access card to the other secured exterior doors, you cannot gain access to the building from the first floor (you can still exit the building from the inside through the main doors). You can, however, walk a few feet over to the exterior stairwell, ascend a flight of stairs, turn left to the elevator next to the RC's suite, descend in the elevator, and exit right in front of my office - in the now, supposedly, locked from the outside building. So, what's the point of locking the first floor doors if you can still get in the building? Don't know. Don't really care. Just think it's pretty funny, regardless.

As a way of kicking off what I hope will be a productive and utterly kick-ass weekend, here are some links that give me a funny feeling in my tummy. But it's probably just gas...*

From the fine folks at Gawker, we now have Idolator - a fun mix of music and gossipy goodness.

I-Mockery does reviews of random stuff (their review of LA's Mitsuwa Marketplace had me in joyous tears recently). And they have Pinhead on the main page - Megi & I were just talking about that movie. Coincidence? Highly suspect...

And I've posted the Best Week Ever Blog before, but it's so damn fun I have to do it again.

*Conversation with my 4 year old son this week:

Son, running out of his room and up to me:"Mommy, my butt is leaking!"

Me, amused, but concerned that diarrhea might be an issue:"What - do you need to poop?"

Son, turning around and running back into his room:"No! I just have gas!"

Home Is Where The Trash Is

I'd like to take this opportunity to share with M some items for her anthro knowledge base relating to the discussion of "middens" - I was a little surprised that an anthropology major wasn't familiar with that term (and, no, JM, we weren't talking about you...):

We have a statewide anthropological society? Really?

Weedon Island and Turtle Mound are neat sites of historical interest. And some info on a dig project in Indian River, with some links, and information on a dig courtesy of the Florida Museum of Natural History website.

The Tampabay History Center offers an online timeline that chronicles Florida's first people.
Bonus:
Bering Land Bridge National Park. Yes - that Bering Land Bridge. It's a bridge. Of land. See also: Bering Strait. So is the long held theory of the North American migration accurate? There is dissenting opinion on this topic, both from a scholarly and a cultural point of view.


M - let your professor know that I get a fraction of your earned credits this semester, okay? I'm getting my Anthropology degree by proxy, one fourth of a class at a time!

Violation

When I got in this morning my filing cabinet and desk drawers were all unlocked. The cabinet contains confidential personnel files, and gets locked every time I step away from my desk. I always lock the desk and cabinet before I leave for the day, but keep the keys in a certain place on my desk lately. I guess I'll have to start taking the keys with me again. Stay out of my drawers, sneaky petes.

And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

The blind leading the freaking blind here. And now a laundry list of newly designated tasks. And it's only the first day. Of the next 6-8 months of the rest of my life. I will say, they're polar opposites, the new boss and the old boss. I've got to give credit where credit it due, there at least. Now, I must get to that list...

Did I forget to mention the earthquake on Sunday? No kidding. Epicenter in the Gulf about 200 miles to the west of Tampa, 6.0 on the Richter scale, at about 11 am Sunday. Didn't feel a thing. Of course, the across the street neighbor had some heavy equipment running while he puts in a new front walkway, so that might've covered up any tremors. I guess I'll have to cross off "no massivly discernable tectonic movement" off of my list of reasons to live in the southeast as opposed to out west. We still have hurricanes and opressive heat, but we don't have the mudslides, flash fires or Sean Penn. Suck it California!

Smorgasbored

This is heavenly - one of my most favorite muppets. Ever.


Second, of course, only to Beaker...


And those crazy Yip Yips and their creepy telephone worship...

Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis.

Sooo. It was recently commented by an acquaintance that I might be better off calling my blog "Bitter Blog". And maybe I'd be just as likely to consider spelling the word cute with a k. Or my name with an i. Or, better yet, two e's! Because grown-ups spelling like lazy, semi-illiterate, pre-teen tarts is so hawt. OMFGLOLZ. Ahem...anyway. The point is: Bitter is a little subjective, isn't it? In the eye of the beholder, and all of that. Besides, if you're going to read my blog, then you're at my mercy. I use this as a forum to get some things out of my system. Really - would you rather I exorcise my emotional demons here, or just throw some shit. I'll give you some time to mull that over. And thanks so much for never leaving comments. You know who you are. And so do I.

Now, just for shits and giggles (and because I mentioned haggis in the title, so this makes it a working theme, somehow...), have some fun with this Scottish translator. Ah ken Ah did!

Zombie squirrel theater. And other tales of woe.

(Megan drew this amazingly detailed reinactment of my encounter with a raging zombie-squirrel last summer. I know it looks like a cat, but it's a squirrel. Really. And I look like the rampaging living dead rodent has stripped my flesh. Note the boots. That girl's got a natural talent with a No. 2, I tell you.)

"You may have a zombie survival plan. But do you have a zombie squirrel survival plan?"

We interrupt this blog to bring you an important message from the National Office of Zombie Prevention.

As a responsible citizen, you should have your Zombie Survival Guide handy at all times. Your life, and the lives of those closest to you, may depend on it. A good defense is vital. Know your rights as a a still-living and productive member of society. Protect yourself against the hordes of evil undead that are slowly cropping up around you, even as you read this. You may have difficulty at first telling them apart from Republicans and religious fundamentalists. But look for the signs, and stay alert. This message endorsed by Stephen Hawking. And your mom. Who is definitely not a zombie.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

There is a giant, gaping hole in my front living room wall. This brings me joy. Although - I hear that there may be...uh...problems. It's always something, isn't it?

And if I were at work right now I would seriously be kicking someone's ass. Multiple someone's. Sweet creamery butter, people!

Long weekends. Windows. Whatnot.

Happy day after Labor Day! Three-day holiday weekends are wonderful things. I went shopping yesterday. Have I ever said how much I hate the mall? 'Cause I do. But I bought some "heely" shoes that I needed for work, and three books (I'll post brief reviews of each as I finish them). Other than shopping (and extensive napping), the living room was prepped for the bay window to be removed and readied for a new picture window in its place (work starts tomorrow - I have been assigned the task of being home for most of the day for that). We tore up the carpet and padding and removed the baseboards - the water damage from 16 years of leaking wasn't as bad as we'd thought, but we'll still have to replace drywall. And we can't do laminate flooring in that room because the cement that was poured over by the window is far from level. For every step forward we go two steps back. Such is life, nu?

Since everyone and their brother will be commenting on the death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin, all I'll say on that subject is: Rest in Peace, reptile wrangling man.

So. I (over) hear some rumblings now about the on-campus living situation from the powers-that-be. Seems some students (and parents) are complaining about some problems. Maybe they're warranted. Maybe not so much. But now the head cheese wants all two hundred and some students polled about their feelings and experiences in the building and with the staff. But -- if this is the first time for residential students for the campus, and most of the residents have never lived on any other campus before, what are we going to compare the assessed data to? And if the overwhelming number of students have negative feedback, then what? Ack. My head hurts. That proposition that I was approached with last week looks more and more promising.