Cause celebre!

Soooo.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow happens to be April Fool's Day.

It is also Internet Annoyance Day.

Expect me to be emailing and Twitting and posting. In between my work projects, of course. But only if my boss gets me the info I need - which she'd agreed to do before the end of the day today. If she doesn't send me anything by tomorrow afternoon, this project is so screwed. (Update - she says she won't have it until at least Friday. I officially absolve myself of responsibility for this debacle)

Tonight during dinner to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday, my mother-in-law acted surprised to learn that I'm a year older than my husband. The husband who I've been with for about 12 years now (oh man - that's why I have to think about it when people ask...I've blocked it from my mind).

Thar she blows

Twitter's been getting a lot of use out of the ol' Fail Whale lately:

I guess there's been some sort of mad rush to sign up and it's giving the servers a workout...so I suppose we can expect the site to be saturated with douchebag-come-lately types just like every other internet novelty in recent memory? Awwwwesome.

I don't entirely know why, but I just registered with jobster.com. It's not like I don't have enough freaking online profiles already (MySpace (which I've stopped really checking/updating)...Facebook...Fark...Blogger...LinedIn...Twitter...and also today, Flickr). But, Jobster allows you to post your resume, which LinkedIn doesn't, and I guess I'm on sort of a "networking" kick lately.

My coworkers are helpless. One asked me to try and help her find the address for a local restaurant, then another one wanted me to help on the verbiage for the invitations to the upcoming staff awards reception. I'd really like to know why they insist on doing this to me when I am able do my projects just fine without having to involve everyone else within a twenty foot radius. Someone told me today that my new boss seems to think I have self-confidence issues, because I am not all kinds of super agressive in my approach and I don't show much interest in having "face time" with the upper management. I think it's time to demonstrate how badly she's misjudged me.

Hi. I'm fine. How have you been?

I have a new desktop background, compliments of Nerdist (via a Twitter post by Wil Wheaton). It's really adorable. I need to take the time to figure out how to post links and images. Maybe next week, since I'll have some time off. Also - I need to go welcome the CDP to the Twitter minions. It's just another outlet to allow people to be annoying semi-stalkers in a socially acceptable way. Speaking of semi-stalking...I'm officially over MySpace, but I'll keep the profile for now, since I've had it this long. I recently accidently discovered that my former best friend in high school (friend turned nemesis, that is, so that would make her my "fremisis"?) is on Facebook. I wasn't looking fer her, and I'm conflicted about the possibility that she may stumble upon my profile as well. Of course, I have mine set to limited view, and the MySpace profile is private, so on the other hand I'm not sure that I really care if she finds me.

We've got dinner with the Millers tonight. It's been a while since we've gotten together, so I'm sure that there will be drinks a'plenty and radio industry gossip will abound. Then tomorrow I get to take M to her first EVER Rainaissance Festival (Upon review/edit I see I mangled "Renaissance", but it amused me so it stays). Very exciting!

Now, it's time to send a few emails, shuffle through my endless projects and get ready for two back to back meetings. At least they're providing lunch.

Has anyone seen my ruby slippers?

A coworker was just talking to me about the fact that I'm incredibly tired. More than tired, actually - exhausted, not just physically but mentally...and I think it's really showing now. I mentioned that I had to get a refund from the petty cash because the vending machine ate my money yesterday when I tried to buy a Starbucks bottled Frappucino and she proceeded to express her disapproval of my dietary choices. Then, she inexplicably offered me chocolate - much like the other coworker downstairs who would also ply me with candy - and for whatever reason has been continually foisting imported chocolate on me since she started...I don't even like chocolate that much and yet I keep eating it anyway! Pure! Evil! Oh. It's on, woman.

I've been working on a really boring project for a couple of days, so that hasn't helped. What could be worse than having to flip through hundreds of pages of reports and document my handwritten notes, and then contact other departments to follow up on those notes. It feels like I'm having to remind people to do their jobs...my own version of a tormented afterlife scenario. "The burning means we're working! "

My husband has taken to expressing how much he now hates the state that he's spent his whole *entire* life residing in. He wants to move, something awful. I tend to think that part of it is a form of wanterlust since he has an "anywhere but here" attitude, and the other part of it is that we're both suffering waning optimism as we head into our early 30s. There's a cloud of malaise and resignation hanging over this state...a plummeting housing market (I don't even know if our house would resell for the balance of our mortgage)...decreases in state-wide services because of the mass-exodus of family age residents putting a dent in state tax revenues...declining morale at work because the job market makes us feel trapped as we see no prospects for either of our careers (if we even have jobs after the summer -- yes, it is getting that bad). He sees greener grass out of state. Literally - we're in a drought and are under sever watering restrictions, so almost everywhere else (where it isn't still snowing) has greener grass. What seems to be frustrating him is that we've switched roles. A few years ago it was me sending him job information for the Carolinas and Georgia, and MLS numbers to check out real estate in Pennsylvania. Now I'm not sure that such a move would improve our circumstances, and he's the one trying to convince me of what a great idea it is. I think we're both the kind of people who can settle down and stay put for a long time. A lot of my family is made up of the the opposite type - the ones who are constantly picking up and moving either to get a "fresh start" or to run away from their situation, and I grew up watching various clans moving back and forth from town to town and state to state. Some people might think of it as a form of freedom to be able to just pack up and move across the country without much of a long-term plan or giving the whole thing much thought. The idea just terrifies me. Starting over? But I worked so hard to get here, where I am now...nuh uh. I'm good. If things take a turn for the worse or a really amazing opportunity is presented to me, then I'll reconsider, but for now, making that big move is just a pipe dream.

The answer would be...is there tea?

Just when I start to think that Twitter is just the latest trendy useless time-wasting gadget that I don't half understand, Neil Gaiman goes and posts this:

So I can read utterly random and sometimes interesting little posts by a variety of famous (and not so famous) people, and reply back equally randomly. Hmmm. Twitter: Facebook's obnoxious little sister. I think it's BRILLIANT.

This place is certainly uncontaminated by any brains!

The plot...thickens? Maybe congeals, like a hearty stew of mistrust and antipathy?

This morning, while walking back from a meeting that the boss ended up being postponed, my new coworker decided to warn me about trusting one of my other coworkers (who happens to be a friend of mine who has worked for this place for many, many year, whereas the one giving me the *warning* has been here for all of - what, maybe three months?) by telling me that my friend "plays both sides". I turned to her and said "Yeah. And? Everyone does." She looked at me for a second before walking on ahead of me. See - here's the thing: I'm very upfront about not being full of raging ambition like some of the folks around here. Some of them then make the tremendous mistake of thinking that I'm not secretly as devious and full of duplicitous intent as they are. Nobody suspects the accomodating, quiet one. The one who no one barely notices over there to the side at the meeting? Yeah. That's me. And I am catching every whispered word and eyeroll, noticing where everyone sits, and calculating who is in good with who these days. This is useful information. Then there are the people in the know who sometimes tell me a lot of things they probably shouldn't, if they knew how I could use it. Oh, not that I would, mind you. But...there's also the fact that they don't know that for sure.

As the saying goes..."Give them enough rope..."

Negative karmic indicators

I found a lump on my dog's abdomen, just behind her left leg. It is soft, and moves a little under her skin when you touch it. I don't have enough experience with cancer to know if that is what I'm dealing with. And I'm afraid to confront the possibility just yet. This is why I was awake until around 2 a.m. - I sat up worrying over it and couldn't shut my brain off long enough to get any decent sleep. She's ten, so it figures that everything would be going wrong with her health. I had taken her into the vet again for another hematoma at the beginning of the week, but we're letting this one heal on its own instead of putting her through surgery a second time. I suppose, looking back a the experience of the first occurrance, we could have done that for the first one, but I was going off of the advice of another clinic that surgery would be the best option. I just wonder how long that bump has been there, and whether the vet would have caught it if she didn't know to look for it?


Yesterday as I was leaving work, the Tannenator's assistant told me that there had been reports of a possible planned shooting at an area Wal-Mart. Of course, no one knew which one, so I was told to avoid all of them. This was no problem, since I make every effort to not patronize the Empire That Sam Walton Built on general principle, but I was immediatly doubtful at any rate. This sounded like typical chain-letter urban legend scenario bull. It wasn't mentioned on the sites for the local papers, or the news stations. I didn't expect it to be. But oddly enough, at some point last night, I got the following mysteriously anonymous text message from some number I don't recognize:

FWD: Don't go 2 any walmarts 2nite there will be an gang initiation and they have to kill 3 women at each Walmart. Tell all ur loved ones Be safe

You've gotta love technology sometimes...

It's all downhill from here, then?

And we're not talking some leisurely roll down a gently sloping hill - more like plummetting off of a sheer cliff face into a yawning abyss.

The state legislature is in session, and they've introduced the potential of cutting state employee pay. This would presumably be across the board, with no regard to salary level or any other mitigating factor. Supposedly, they projected what the savings would be on one percent and extrapolated on that figure to get them to a number that would help to balance the budget shortfalls. Some news sources (the ones that haven't buried the story behind the sports or entertainment "news", anyway) are saying the magic number is 5%, but I heard that the Governor's assistant is saying 10%. My family cannot take a 10% - 20% reduction to our total household income. As it is, my husband hasn't seen a pay increase in several years, and lost his second, part-time job late last year. Everyone wants to tell me that this is "worst case scenario" budgeting and that I really should wait and see what happens before giving myself over to panic and anxiety, and oh of course, just be thankful to have a job at all. And you know what - they're right, and I am. But only to a point, because in no way does that give my employer OR the state the right to either take advantage of the situation (more than they already have) or punish me for their failure to practice due diligence and be good stewards of the people's money. The state's dire financial situation is a result of years of sub-par leadership, mismanagement, and poor decisionmaking. And instead of expecting the state employees from the lowest salary levels bear the burden of these mistakes while further eroding infrastructure and services, consistantly short-changing the state's education system, and short-sightedly rob the rain-day reserves, the Legislators and the Governor should man up and look at cutting areas of redundancy and *actual* waste (double-dipping and ridiculous bonuses and salary levels for state employees in managerial and administrative level positions), increasing revenue streams through sin taxes, and repealing some of the more ridiculous tax exemptions - even if it is the least popular alternative, it is among the most sound options in the long term.

Now with more bite (me)

I just finished a bowl of homemade split pea and sausage soup and a baggie of grapes at my desk. I'm eating at my desk because I had an appointment this morning, which made me a couple hours late for work today. I'm having a hard time finding the motivation to get my tasks in order for the week...I haven't even made my to-do list yet and there were nine missed calls waiting for me when I got here. I'm really starting to get pissed about that, honestly. Is it really necessary to call me that many damn times? I feel like putting an outgoing message on my phone that says "If you are calling with a problem that you should be solving yourself but are going to attempt to pawn off on me in order to make your life easier, please hang up now, and do not try again". I had two projects recently that were done to basically make life easier for others, which, looking back, has been the majority of what I've done in the (almost) five years I've worked here. The other reason I end up getting involved in other people's projects is because the extremely over-educated staff here for whatever reason can't format information on a spreadsheet - I found out today that a PhD didn't know how to use the bar at the bottom of the screen to view a complete worksheet, and I wasn't sure whether to be amused or utterly terrified. I was handed a project last week that had nothing to do with my job anymore, but I was trying to be helpful to my old department and worked it up in a document for them - now they're referring every issue and question to me instead of the person the manager originally gave the project to. It's effing ridiculous. There's just so much to get done, and I find myself really losing interest in it lately. I just end up thinking that there aren't that many people here who care - why should I? It's so nice outside...what the hell am I doing here when I could be by the pool with a Terry Pratchett book and a refreshing beverage? Yes, I know it's the malaise talking, and eventually it will pass. But for now... :sigh:

So, whatever, I guess. I had a busy weekend. On Saturday we drove over to the home office, just to find out that the department we were going to pick some software up from wasn't open (and found out today that their supervisor says they were open...because the employees said they were - someone has fudged timesheets, methinks). There's a giant grass cow in front of the main building. I took pictures, and if I can ever figure out how to get them off my cell phone, I'll post them to fb or something. So, since we were in that part of town and decided not to waste the trip, we went to the "upscale" mall. It's amazing what a slumping economy will do to the attitudes of salespeople who previously wouldn't give someone like me the time of day. The place was practically empty, and I didn't see a lot of people actively shopping, despite the sales that were being offered. We went to lunch over near the football stadium, and in the middle of our meal the local "porn king" walked past our table as he was leaving. Between that and Hulk Hogan driving past me on the way home, my life is full of brushes with near infamy. Saturday night my husband and I were kidless, so we went out to dinner at a local restaurant that specializes in German and Austrian dishes. It was one of the best dinners I've ever had. Then, for a lack of anything better to do, we drove over to our local mall. Two malls in the same day? I don't normally make that many trips to the mall in a month, let alone one day, and I was reminded of why. On Sunday we had a new gate installed, which took a lot longer than I thought, but it looks really good and we can use the side walkway to get in and out of the yard now.

The following is for M, because it is relevant to her interests:

Italy dig unearths female 'vampire' in Venice
By ARIEL DAVID Associated Press Writer

ROME (AP) -- An archaeological dig near Venice has unearthed the 16th-century remains of a woman with a brick stuck between her jaws - evidence, experts say, that she was believed to be a vampire. The unusual burial is thought to be the result of an ancient vampire-slaying ritual. It suggests the legend of the mythical bloodsucking creatures was tied to medieval ignorance of how diseases spread and what happens to bodies after death, experts said.

The well-preserved skeleton was found in 2006 on the Lazzaretto Nuovo island, north of the lagoon city, amid other corpses buried in a mass grave during an epidemic of plague that hit Venice in 1576.

"Vampires don't exist, but studies show people at the time believed they did," said Matteo Borrini, a forensic archaeologist and anthropologist at Florence University who studied the case over the last two years. "For the first time we have found evidence of an exorcism against a vampire."

Medieval texts show the belief in vampires was fueled by the disturbing appearance of decomposing bodies, Borrini told The Associated Press by telephone.

During epidemics, mass graves were often reopened to bury fresh corpses and diggers would chance upon older bodies that were bloated, with blood seeping out of their mouth and with an inexplicable hole in the shroud used to cover their face.

"These characteristics are all tied to the decomposition of bodies," Borrini said. "But they saw a fat, dead person, full of blood and with a hole in the shroud, so they would say: 'This guy is alive, he's drinking blood and eating his shroud.'"

Modern forensic science shows the bloating is caused by a buildup of gases, while fluid seeping from the mouth is pushed up by decomposing organs, Borrini said. The shroud would have been consumed by bacteria found in the mouth area, he said.

At the time however, what passed for scientific texts taught that "shroud-eaters" were vampires who fed on the cloth and cast a spell that would spread the plague in order to increase their ranks.

To kill the undead creatures, the stake-in-the-heart method popularized by later literature was not enough: A stone or brick had to be forced into the vampire's mouth so that it would starve to death, Borrini said.

That's what is believed to have happened to the woman found on the Lazzaretto island, which was used as a quarantine zone by Venice. Aged around 60, she died of the plague during the epidemic that also claimed the life of the painter Titian.

Much later, someone jammed the brick into her mouth when the grave was reopened. Borrini said that marks and breaks left by blunt instruments on several among more than 100 skeletons found by the archaeologists show that the grave was reused in a later epidemic.
Such a reconstruction of events is plausible, as is the link to the superstitions about "shroud-eaters," said Piero Mannucci, the vice president of the Italian Society of Anthropology and Ethnology.

"Maybe a priest or a gravedigger put the brick in her mouth, which is what was normally done in such cases," Mannucci said.

The anthropologist, who did not take part in Borrini's research, said that at a time when bacteria were unknown, such superstitions were a way for the terrified population to explain the waves of plague epidemics that killed millions during the Middle Ages. Jews were also often accused of spreading the disease.

Borrini said the discovery shows that vampires in popular culture were originally quite different from the elegant, aristocratic blood-drinker depicted in Bram Stoker's 1897 novel "Dracula" and in countless Hollywood revisitations.

"The real vampire of tradition was different," he said. "It was just a decomposing body."

Everybody gets the gold star

I attended a free breakfast this morning, sponsored by the HR department. The caterer used powdered eggs, but the grits were pretty good, and I (thankfully) missed the multicultural-bingo portion of the program. There's nothing that promotes the concept of "inclusion" more than being told that you're expected to attend the annual event they orchestrate to pretend like they actually attempt to promote a multicultural corporate environment the other 364 days out of the year. If you ever have the time, I'd be happy to share with you the impression given by the priorities of our EEO office. Not to mention that a local newspaper published an article today about how some of the upper management at the main office just got bonuses - in the midst of a supposed budget freeze and continuing budget cuts. One of them got $20,000 when they just laid off about 70 people at the end of the year! WTH!! Yeah. We're all about "higher ethical standards" here, alright.

Thanks to M for driving me around the SRQ, buying me a milkshake and taking me shopping. One of my new shirts is a *tad* too snug, so I guess I'll hang it in the back of my closet until it fits.

Since I need a little reminder about the silver lining hiding under these thunderheads, here are some things coming up that I'm looking forward to:

• Ren Fair with M
• Having most of the end of the month off (will be spending it doing as much cool stuff with my son as possible)
• Family visiting in April
• Possibly - maybe - going to Disneyworld for my birthday. M may be on board (and I love you for letting me rope you into that considering your employment situation, but I'll completely understand if you aren't able to go with us). Anyone else game for stalking Disney characters for photo ops, multiple rides on Pirates of the Carribbean and Teacups 'til you're walking in circles?

Ampersand dollarsign asterisk urinating dog

Things are not going well this week. I think daylight savings time is some kind of massive conspiracy, which made me late for work today. The dog has ANOTHER hematoma. I will not be going to see Seal in April. I had to use almost all of my vacation time to take off the end of the month in order to save myself a hundred bucks and avoid driving my son across town for spring break camp. This morning my boss emailed me a project with a deadline of tomorrow afternoon - knowing full well that I'd planned on being out tomorrow. So now I have to figure out how to get this thing done today.

Considering that it is not even noon on Monday...

The universe can suck it. I mean...Aloha!

Which one of us is Marilyn?

I just had a small meltdown in front of my boss. It is a byproduct of stress and anxiety, and watching other people play their games and somehow reap rewards, and feeling like everything I do is either a waste of time or an effort in futility - or enables someone else to not have to do their job. My new boss is trying to be understanding and supportive and I'm trying to do the best I can to maintain...or, at least appear to maintain...as positive an outlook as possible. I've been trying to project an attitude of "Look, I'm an asset, not a liability, and I'll do whatever you ask just because I'm grateful to have a job", but it feels a little unnatural and the facade of unquestioning compliance is getting harder to keep up as I become more and more aware of how poorly run this place has been and how absurd the priorities of the people running it tend to be. I feel careworn and tired a lot, and that's not a good sign. To put it another way: My mask is cracking, and the miserable countenance beneath is slowly being revealed.


Considering everything I have been asked to do in the last month and a half, and the many directions I feel pulled in on any given day...this business is getting old, that's all. I hit my five year mark this month. To me, five years with a company is the equivalent of the seven year itch. You start to look around and re-evaluate what's going on. You start to wonder about missed opportunities and the greener grass somewhere else. Let me tell you, they know they've got me in a spot because of the "state of the economy", and are going to milk me for every bit of work they can get out of me for what they pay me. It's just a question of my fortitude and how long I'll stand for it. Don't get me wrong - I'm just as grateful as anyone else to have a job right now when so many don't, and the security and the benefits tip the scales in favor me me staying. But for how much longer I just can't be sure. I have promised myself another year to gain some more experience and give the company an opportunity to rebound, and then we'll see where things stand.

Exit, stage left - pursued by angry mob

It's kind of awesome to hear the folks in HR making fun of the pseudo-drama happening in the CEO's suite. The receptionist wanted to go get coffee out of the break room over there, and her manager offered to go along with her for protection. Then one of the reps busted out a Harry Potter reference, saying they needed to invest in an invisibility cloak. Either the CEO's assistant doesn't know that she's allowed herself and this situation she's spawned to become a huge running joke and people are now laughing at her, or she just doesn't care. I'm staying out of that suite as much as possible, not because I might be intimidated by her - I'm not. I just get tired of the lectures from managment who have to waste their time on something so trivial when we've got serious problems with staffing and money. But...the CEO let it happen, and no one is questioning any of it, so I only hope she knows what kind of example she's allowing to be set in her own office. It basically screams: Be as big of a biotch as possible and alienate those around you in order to get a modicum of power if it makes you feel better about yourself while you sacrifice everyone's morale on the sword of your own bitterness. So, no one should be terribly surprised if others begin testing the waters using these ridiculous tactics.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. ~ Paul Beatty

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

I just got five calls in five minutes from some random phone number (my caller ID says that random caller is someone named Marcus who is a stranger to me). Turns out it was someone from HR trying to let someone know that the cake for the manager's birthday wasn't ready and they're running late. So there will be cake later. Probably the requisite singing of birthday dirges. And I'm under the impression that the HR manager may also entertain the assembled masses with that softshoe and shimmy number that she usually reserves for meetings with the department's VP. It is as not-quite-right as it sounds, believe me...

The dog had her stitches taken out yesterday, and her ear infection is coming back, so I got *more* medication for her. When I ran home to drop her off before picking up my husband from work, I was approached by the homeless guy living in the van parked in the neighbor's yard. He wanted to know if we had any odd jobs he could do (and kept repeating how he would ask a fair price). We're already not crazy about the fact that there is a homeless guy living in a van next door, and the ensuing conversation just reaffirmed my discomfort. He seems to know way too much about what goes on around my house. He asked about the pile of cement in the yard, about the condition of the pool (cold, slightly green and full of pollen, if you must know), about what we were building in the back - so he obviously had been looking through the fence at least on occassion. Not to mention he reeked of beer and every other story was prefaced with "I was in the back listening to my radio, drinking a beer...". He seems like a nice enough man who has been keeping the neighbor's property up pretty well (otherwise it really would look like a complete stye), and we thought he was mostly harmless up until this point. But we're not comfortable with him asking about our business in such a way. He's squatting, and if push came to shove or the situation became really unbearable we'd do something about it. Now at least I know that there's a possibility that someone's peeping into our yard, and I'll be more, um...modest...about wandering out to the laundry room in the early hours of the morning.

What does 'explosive decompression' mean, exactly?

Since I spent all weekend moving furniture around while engaged in a ham-fisted attempt at "Spring cleaning" (which left me with a bigger clutter than what I started with), I haven't got all that much to talk about. I did take Friday off because late last week I was in an all around bad mood, and just felt the need to be as far away from work as possible. It turned out that on my couch, watching Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in some saccharine feel-good family-type movie, was plenty far enough. I've been using the heck out of the Wii Fit, and it feels great. I at least have more energy and am enjoying the yoga, even if it appears that I might actually be gaining weight.

Earlier this year my husband and I made the decision to not go to my family reunion this time around - it was being held at a time when we are discouraged from taking time off, and we were recovering from the cost of our trip to Pennsylvania in October, so there was a concern that we just weren't going to be able to afford it. Well, now my husband wants to start planning a trip for Thanksgiving. I told him that I would go along as long as our debt situation was on its way to being resolved. I guess I'll add that to the "Things to look for ward to so that I don't go stark raving mad or sink into a dark depression about work related issues" timeline:

• Next Tuesday - SRQ to visit M
• March 13th - Spicy gumbo and zydeco at the Crawfish Festival
• March 15th - Beware the Ides!! (this means tu, Brute!)
• March 28th - Serving wenches and fools galore at the Ren Fair
• April 6th - D' s birthday!
• April 19th - Seal!!
• May 24th - MY birthday...need to plan, people!
• Thanksgiving - vacation (maybe...)

It reeks of curry in here. I *hate* the smell of curry. Reheating stanky food in the common meal preparation area has got to be one of the most eggregious breaches of workplace etiquette ever committed in the history of the cube farm.