"Vat vas zat noize?"

I'm breaking my self-imposed blogging hiatus (yeah - that didn't last long...) because there was a massive explosion near work late last night. I won't link to any news stories or go into too many details, but basically a tanker truck caught fire and exploded on the interstate last night a little after 11pm. The driver of the truck died in the accident. I heard the actual explosion while watching the episode of Lost I had recorded. It was a muffled boom through my cinderblock walls and double paned windows all the way on the other side of town. So they had to close the interstate exit where the fire happened because they're not sure if that span is still structurally sound - and because of spilled fuel there was apparently a smaller explosion in the sewer system as well. That's not going to help the traffic situation for the big race next door this weekend. Which is why I'm awfully glad I will not be around here tomorrow for the time trials, and I will be far away from the crowds and noise over the weekend. I'll watch the race on tv from the comfort of my living room.

A lot of house projects still to be done - finishing walls, replacing doors, painting, landscaping...

I'll be in my den

Apparently Akon's new song "I wanna love you" isn't actually about wanting to love you emotionally. Because if you buy the unedited non-radio play version he is articulating about how he'd really like to love you in a purely physical sense. And speaking of Akon, here's my impression of every one of his songs I've ever heard (total sum being two): "Wee hoo, woo hoo... some speeded up munchkin sounding voice singing lyrics I can't figure out...woo hoo..."
And sort of relating to Akon but not really - why was Gwen Stefani on American Idol tonight? Just for the record, I only know about this because it was mentioned on the radio station I happened to be listening to this morning. I have never watched an episode of American Idol. Ever. Even though for whatever effed-up reason I know who he hell Sanjaya is with his bawling fan-girl and flaming Farrah Fawcett hair-do.

On my way to today's doctor appointment I almost killed (or maimed) several other drivers. I also almost got killed by several of my fellow drivers. What's wrong with people in the middle of the day that I can feel safer in rush-hour interstate traffic pushing 80 than on morning time downtown streets going 20 MPH? Speaking of downtown streets, they've got some weird statuary happening in the medians in what they're calling the "Grand Central District" - they look like some funky cross between Dr. Suess and Tim Burton. It doesn't quite go with the "seedy historic vs. seedy trendy hip" feel of Central Ave. When I got to my GP's office (happily in one piece), I had to wait twenty minutes while he served as a marrieage counselor for the couple in the room next door. The walls of the exam rooms are like paper - I could hear every word. So much for doctor/patient confidentiality.

I feel like holing up and letting the world pass by for a while. If you don't see or hear from me much for a bit, I'm still around. Maybe I'll post. Or not. Mostly I'll just be laying low. See you on the other side.

Before I forget - please support your local troop of Cheat Commandos by buying all of their playsets and toys (yes, it is another Home Star/StrongBad web toon whatever...how did you ever guess?). And if you'd like to order a combo meal...

Those Monday-morning cold-having blues

I somehow managed to catch a head cold over the weekend. My head still feels like its in a vice, my ears feel kind of clogged, and I've got a cough now. Which means one of two things - either 1) I get a sinus infection and my cold develops into bronchitis OR 2) I get an ear infection and my cold develops into bronchitis. Which isn't surprising, since this has been the pattern for at least the last three years. It just usually happens in February, so it's running a little behind schedule. I have to make an appointment to see the doctor about my hives (or is it eczema??) anyway, so I'll have them check my lungs while I'm there.


The new co-worker, who I've code named "Barbie" by the way (terribly unoriginal I know, but whatever works...), asked the boss if there was anything else he needed done today. It was 8:30 am. Reminded me of this Dilbert cartoon:

She was just shocked to find out last week that we don't actually have an "Office Manager" (that used to be my title before I was given the auspicious duties of number crunching and problem solving that I have now). I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's technically her - since she's the boss's "assistant" and all.

Found an interesting article in the local paper about celebrity iTunes playlists. I've seen write-ups on these things before, and for some reason I find the celebrity playlists interesting - I think the genuine ones are pretty telling. Of course, to use iTunes, you have to download the program. I prefer less, shall we say, costly methods of getting my MP3 fix. Although, I might some day be tempted to use iTunes for the tv show download and audiobook feature. Maybe...

The season finale of BSG last night totally rocked! It's not back until 2008?! What will I do with myself when all of my shows are on break at the same time? But, to recap, here's a good indication of why the show is currently in my top three of beloved telly programs: We found out the identities of at least four of the final five cylons - and what a surprise it was (I had it pegged last week, but still...); Lee & the Admiral aren't on good terms AGAIN (why do I like their relationship better when they're not speaking to one another?); And Starbuck is back (told you she wasn't dead)! She says she's been to Earth and will show the survivors the way. Odds are two to one in favor of her being the final member of the group of five. The big mystery is now whose side are the five really on, and what do they want with Hera? Plus - will they actually find Earth, and how will the planet appear when the survivors get there? I told my husband I see two more seasons of this show happening, and that's it. But I would be satisfied with that.

For information about the show, see the SciFi channel site, the show's Wiki page, the Universal DVD page, or a Google search will result in countless fan sites. And countless images of Jamie Bamber clad only in a tiny little towel.

Can't stop spinning

Yesterday was spent away from the infernal workplace covorting among the many varied attractions at Orlando's Islands of Adventure and then a late night concert. Drove back from Orlando this morning to get a few hours of work in. I'm exhausted. IOA was a lot of fun. We made the (sort-of) mistake of going on the Popeye water ride early in the day and got soaked. We spent the rest of the day constantly asking each other "Are you dry yet?". We got to do and see almost everthing the park had to offer. M got her picture taken with Storm and Rogue look-alikes. We rode most of the rides. M agreed to go on the Hulk without me, and we rode the Accelatron three times (at one point twice in a row - with photo goodness). We both really enjoyed the 3-D Spider-Man ride. Overall, it was awesome. That place is a lot of fun. The concert was great, too. The standing and pushy assholes...not so great. But, Ok Go was good. I wish they'd vary their set list more, though. They played pretty much the same songs as they had at the show we went to last year. Snow Patrol was great. The singer (Gary Lightbody) has good stage presence and a fun sense of humor. He likes to say fuck a lot, but, hey - so do I. And he's Oirish, so that could have something to do with it. The light show was nice, except for maybe the seizure-inducing strobes. Too. Much. Standing. Also, the sets were crazy long. But we got our money's worth for sure. {Snow Patrol's MySpace page has been flooded with 'Space Spam!! What a pisser!} Having to go back to work today was a horrible feeling. Being at work was an even more horrible feeling. Oh - and I'm all stressed out and have broken out into hives, which hasn't happened for a long time. It's totally not pleasant.

While watching tv this morning as we were getting ready to head back from ORL (I think it was VH1 - more than likely wasn't any MTV channel since they don't play videos...), M and I caught the new Beyonce/Shakira video. I think it is supposed to be cool with its "Wait, Beyonce was on the left...no, no, I think that's Shakira" style jump shots, but all I could think of was how homogenized so many popular musicians and musical acts are that those two very different individuals could look so strikingly...alike. It wasn't just the wardrobe and makeup. They even sort of sound like the same person on this song. It was unnerving. It also doesn't help that I don't like the song. Its bo-ring.



Shakira is still the better booty shaker...

Soon enough we will have broken her spirit!

I think my coworker is totally confusing our newest victim...I mean employee. The poor thing is all sorts of gung-ho about getting right to work. Apparently no one told her that the first few days here are pretty work prohibative, so she has a sort of shocked and befuddled way about her right now. Her computer and phone aren't even set up for her to use, so I think it's going to be a long first day. I'm not sure if I'm going to like this noob or not - I haven't gotten a good feel yet. Just as long as she stays out of my way and understands that some of us know what's going on better than others, she should be fine. I, like M, always dread the introduction of new blood into the mix because you never know how it is going to affect the already established hierarchy. Of course, we're still waiting for our new (new) boss. That will be the deciding factor in a lot of things, I think.

I spent the equivalent of a work day fussing over this budget over the weekend. So far it has gotten approval from the mid boss and the budget office (yayyy!). Now it has to pass muster with the big cheeses upstairs. Now that my panic adrenaline has run its course I'm a little bored.

Our new employee is way over dressed - and a little overwhelmed...poor thing. She's only 21!?!

Happy Hangover O'Sunday

Nunc est bibendum!

I hope everyone had a fun & safe St. Patrick's day and there wasn't too much of the old "Erin Go... Brraaaapp".

I brought work home with me, so that's what I was doing last night for several hours - and what I'll be doing later this evening for a little bit after dinner. So I missed most of SNL. I did get to see Snow Patrol perform "Chasing Cars", which was good. Getting ready to see them in concert with M in the City that Walt Built on Tuesday. She's going to make me ride all of the rollercoasters at IOA. How can I convince her this is a very bad idea?

Beware the Ides - "Ide rather be drinking"...

"Julius Caesar's bloody assassination on March 15, 44 B.C., forever marked March 15, or the Ides of March, as a day of infamy."

www.toothpastefordinner.com

Last night while buying some new clothes for my son - who seems to be going through a growth spurt - I saw a middle aged man sporting a t-shirt depicting "the shocker". If you have to ask me what that means, I'll be embarassed for us both and will probably run away without answering. And for cripes sake don't Google it. Especially at work - I wouldn't want you to lose your job. But it got me thinking - at what point as an adult do you stop and look in the mirror and say "I just look ridiculous"? I'll never tell my husband what to wear, but I there are certain things that would get a raised eyebrow, and I think a shirt with a suggestive saying or depicting a sex-act would probably warrant a frown and crossed-arms. Maybe even the dreaded "Is that what you're wearing?" (which he uses on me all the time if the thinks my outfit looks silly). I wanted to run up to the guy at Target and say "Hey, man - I know they sell pretty much everything here, but you won't find dignity or class down aisle three..."

Image has been removed. But the link remains to carry on and remind us of the day when the dreaded red-x image not found box appeared on this blog. A day that shall live in...well, not quite infamy. But maybe mild annoyance.

marriedtothesea.com

If there's anything around here more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now!

If it's Wednesday, then that means updates. Aren't you just filled with nervous anticipation, hmmmm? I just ran some budget figures (I know a few of you are thinking "Maus...doing math?! No way!" - and I say totally way!) and then I got to tell my boss that we are very nearly broke. It sucks, because the accounting of the person who did this job before me had a lot of holes in it, so I can't really give him clear answers on why whole chunks of money were transferred around to other departments. And I'm Answer Girl®, as well as The Fixer®, so I'll spend the next couple of months juggling chainsaws while balancing on a tightrope over a fiery pit filled with starving rabid tigers. You get the idea, right?

I'm still working on The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. About halfway through now, after several months. I can't really explain why it's taking so long to get through. It's a good book, if you like that kind of science fiction space farce type of thing (which I do), and it's abundantly quotable. But it does lag a little here and there. The part just before where I am now in the story seemed to go on forever, and Zaphod Beeblebrox is not my favorite character - I'm much more fond of Slartibartfast, who is playing a larger part in the last few chapters involving the planet Krikkit and the Wikkit Gate. So, things are picking up a little.

I forgot to mention earlier that while we were grocery shopping Monday night my husband caught some random Publix employee in the produce department blatantly staring at my ass. I was wearing my good-booty jeans that night, so I was a little flattered that someone wanted to admire the fit of my pants. But the guy was kind of not very attractive, so that negates it. My ego needs a boost. Help a sister out.

The bigger they are...

...The more bones they break when they hit the ground. While I was out last week having my mental health day on Tuesday and my professional development day on Wednesday one of the people from my department - the one we've code named "Red Squirrel" - apparently took a tumble on the deck area and broke her shoulder. How do you just kind of fall down while walking and break your shoulder? Does she have osteoperosis? I don't understand it. And of course they wait to tell me a week later. So now she has a worker's comp claim, and possibly FMLA. Fun stuff...

I will consume you!

Click on the image to see more from the artist

Bright eyed and bushy haired?

"That ain't no panda, lady..." (Pic courtesy of CNN)

I woke up to darkness this morning. How am I supposed to get out of bed when the sun is still dozing? What exactly is the benefit of the time change related to daylight savings? I don't see the point any more, other than to screw with people's sleep patterns. As less of an agri-centered economy and becoming more of an technological society do we really save energy by re-setting the clocks, or are we doing this because we're so used to it that it's just habitual now? I mean, apparently Europe doesn't do this, so it's not like this makes us more progressive. Show me data! I demand some hard evidence! To be honest I think it's a prime example of our country's ridiculously stubborn streak and resistance to change - the rest of the world looks at us and says (in very snide and bemused affected French accents, I imagine...) "Mon dieu! The Americans are trying to bend time to their will again. There they go acting like they just gave themselves one extra hour. Isn't that reeeediculous!". It IS!

I watched V for Vendetta over the weekend (finally - yes, I am that behind the curve). As a deeply closeted anarchist I found myself appreciating the message inherant in the story, and it was just beautifully filmed. There's been such a surge in well produced adaptations of graphic novels in recent years - I can't wait to see 300.

Getting all geared up for my son to enter Kindergarten in the fall. I'm going to miss our first choice school's open house and tour next week. I'll be in Orlando. Hopefully, my husband can take him to have a look around his new "big kid school". If he is granted attendance to our first choice (FYI - the state Choice attendance plan combined with the FCAT will very soon cause me to hate the public school system all over again) I may adjust my work hours once school starts so that I can walk him to school. We're not really sure what we're going to do about after school - whether we'll enroll him in after care or my in-laws will take him for the rest of the day. I guess we have to work on fleshing out all of the details before August.

Maybe she means the "Autonomous Collective"?

I was waiting for the elevator with one of my coworkers this afternoon when someone from another department walked past. My coworker turned to me and said "You know she's going to England. Or Britain. Wherever she's from."444*silence*
Mind you, this is the same person who had no idea what the term "red light district" implied and thought Cuba was a South American country. What can I say...she's really sheltered?

This is so me!

The swell before the break.

I can hear my boss in his office talking on the phone to someone about last night's episode of Lost. He has a point - what is the signifigance of the cat, other than it seemed to be the same freaking cat? My husband speculated on a theory involving "spirit animals" that he read somewhere, but I can't quite buy into that one yet. Kate has the horse, and now maybe Sayid has the cat, but what about everyone else? What would their totems be? Regardless - I don't think it's possible for me to adore the character of Sayid more than I currently do. Plus - Naveen Andrews really fills out a tank top. Rawr.

(To the anonymous genius who created this - luv you!)

Yesterday's seminar across the bridges was such a waste. If I ever speak of moving or working over there, please up my meds. The traffic is almost as bad as Orlando. And that's pretty freaking bad.

I've got a full day's work ahead of me, plus I have to make up for the last two days I was out. So I guess I should just get to it, then.

Crazy is the word of the day.

My husband's grotesque ex-girlfriend has found his MySpace profile. She's a wack-job and a half, let me tell you. What we call "Chock Full-O-Nutbag". To be completely fair, though, I think all of his exe's are a few clowns short of a circus. But this one has been sending messages to his Classmates account for years. And now she's sending MySpace messages acting all hurt and offended because he never responds. Her son died two years ago and she's taking personally the fact that he's not sharing in her grief. Or something like that. I'm not entirely sure what the deal is. The woman needs counseling. She also obviously has way too much time on her hands and has issues with letting go. Most normal people would figure that if someone doesn't answer messages back (after just reappearing in their life all of a sudden out of no where thanks to the internet, actually) then they aren't interested in talking to you. She doesn't seem to get that. It's weird and sad all at once.

My coworker is getting on my last nerve. She has no idea how our pay cycles work. And she keeps going to HR about her pay when I'm the one who took pay away because she ran out of sick & vacation time during her second extended absence, and I'm the only one who can process the vacation leave advance that she was damn lucky to get granted. I wasted fifteen minutes this morning - again! - telling her something that after a year of working here she should fully understand. Yet another shining example of how there are no consequences for ignorance and abject stupidity in my department. No one follows the rules. Or even bothers to know what they are. But here I am, the one faced with enforcing those rules and tidying up the messes. They wonder why people grouse about "morale"...

On that note, here are a couple of songs to help get you through the day:

• The Bangles - Manic Monday


• Eux Autres - Hell Is Other People
  

Non-news alert! It's being urgently reported that the Vice President has a blood clot in his leg. Doctors vow to agressively treat the clot with blood thinners! And now we join our correspondant live with news that the President has been afflicted with an ice cream headache!

May the bridges I burn light my way home.

I love how some people let others do all the work and still manage to get all the credit themselves. If I were to walk away tomorrow a lot of knowledge of the infrastructure that makes my department stay running goes with me. Sometimes I wonder: should I?

I have so many projects going on at once right now - and every time I turn around it seems like someone is assigning something else to me, I don't know how I'm going to get all of this stuff finished before the current boss leaves and we transition to yet another boss!

M- I saw a really hot guy walking out of the bastares a little bit ago. Well, let me clarify. He had a great body and I think he was headed over to the gym. I could only glance at him out of the corner of my eye or else I would feel like I was staring, so I can't say if his visage was aesthetically pleasing or not. There was nothing wrong with the rest of him - I'm just not too sure about the face. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he wasn't exactly Quasimodo. So, probably no paper bags necessary...you're going to call me profane again, aren't you?

I have to clean the house tonight because the pest control company is coming to spray the house tomorrow. With all of the construction and demolition going on in my house, we've noticed an increase in critters. Not a terrible increase, but we are having a tiny ant problem in the kitchen and bathroom (the rooms share a common wall). And by "tiny" I mean both the size of the problem and the size of the ants. They're almost microscopic.


Have you heard the second song off of Gwen "all unitard all the time" Stefani's new album? Or seen the video? I saw a Mad Tv parody of the video a couple weeks ago and was left so utterly confused and thinking "WTF is this supposed to be?" because I hadn't even heard the song yet, let alone seen the video. So here they both are, to compare.

The music video:

And Mad Tv's version: