Taking stock

Some holiday highlights: My son's excitement over the bike that Santa got him "from Wal-Mart" (that he now shows zero interest in actually riding). The toy that came with pictures for the assembly instructions and no text. NOT having to run around like mad to visit two families, and being able to take our time opening gifts. My brother-in-law showing up to Christmas dinner with his girlfriend and her two kids when the night before he'd said they would be there for dessert...and not bringing presents for anyone (they did bring cookies, but they were inedible). A wonderful dinner. My son freaking out over a lizard. Pecan pie as pecan soup. A dancing penguin that sings "Ice Ice Baby". Duplicate gifts. Gift receipts. Finishing Neverwhere between dinner and dessert. Having to work the next day...

...and Christmas chickens.


What I got for Christmas, thus far:

• Bladerunner two-disc special edition and The Princess Bride anniversary edition on DVD



• The new Jimmy Eat World CD (which I forgot to take with me to work this morning)



• Stress Management for Dummies...with a B&N gift card inside!



• A new photo album



• The exact same Monty Python desk calendar that I bought for my husband (great minds...?)



• Wall mounted candle holders in a style that will go with the decor in my bedroom whenever I redecorate my bedroom (I got something like this last year as well)



• A huge wall-mounted photo collage frame along with a comment about how there's nothing on the walls in my house so, hint-hint



• gift cards for restaurants



• A sweater I will be returning, probably



• A book by Mitch Albom I will probably never read and can't trade because it has an inscription in the front cover



• A tabletop fountain almost exactly like I got last year for Christmas (and the year before, I believe), and that will also sit in my closet because I don't have the space - or the inclination - to display a fountain, even though no on in my husband's family seems to have noticed this...I'm sure I'll get another one next year and somehow collecting them will become my unintentional hobby/compulsion...so at least it's fountains instead of, say, cats...

...and as of tonight, I have a broken couch. So, I guess you could say I got a new couch for Christmas. Even though I didn't want one.

We didn't get to see my parents yet, so we'll see them this weekend to exchange gifts. And we still have a couple of friends to exchange gifts with, also.

I'm currently going through Neverwhere withdrawals. It honestly was one of the better quasi-fantasy stories I've ever read, and I'm more of a straight sci-fi fan rather than fantasy, but I didn't want the book to end. I'm disappointed to find that there are no other books on my shelves that I want to read right now. I do have $40 worth of B&N gift cards, so I'm sure it's a situation I can rectify, if I need to. Neverwhere and Stardust are now tied for my favorite Gaiman stories. I'll have to ask for the miniseries for my birthday. Along with the Fizzgig plushie. For those who might need reminders of those things...

On a slightly related note, for fans of Pratchett's Discworld series, the miniseries adaptation is available at Borders right now, and then a general retail release is also anticipated for March.

It's also being posted on YouTube in installments. This is installment 1 of 22:


Remember how I was saying we had three resignations, and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop? This morning we had resignation number three. I actually laughed. I think I scared some people. I also found out this afternoon that one of that department's part-time employees had the wrong hourly rate information entered into the payroll system and the employee has been paid almost four times what he was owed over the course of the last several months. And never said a word to his supervisor, who also never caught the discrepancy while approving the payroll. That was when I pretty much threw up my hands. Thankfully I have the next week off to regain some semblance of sanity. I'll just be reading my Stress Management for Dummies book and teaching my son to ride his new bike without falling off and breaking a bone.

Deluge

At some time last night my son's room experienced a minor flooding incident. The pipe for the emergency drain in my bathtub is completely corroded and no longer connects properly to the main drain - if water goes above the overflow drain (which will happen if you put too much water in the tub or slosh around too much) it basically drains into the floor under the bathtub and into the next room, which happens to be my son's. Of course, we weren't fully aware of this until early this morning when my son came into my room saying that his blankets were all wet. Since he's only five and still sometimes has bladder control issues, I figured he'd had an accident. But when I walked into his room there was a large puddle of standing water on one side of the room, seeming to lead back from under the bed. The comforter on the bed had been half on the floor, so it apparently soaked up a lot of the water during the night and ended up drenching the mattress as well. Since most of the furniture in my son's room is particle board, we had to move the bookcase and dismantle the bed to mop up the water before too much swelling happened and the stuff was ruined. At least the floor is tarazzo now instead of carpet, so it was fairly easy to clean up. We did suffer the loss of my son's bean bag chair, since it got completely soaked and had to be thrown away. He was getting a little too big for it anyway, so maybe we'll buy one of those gaming chairs to replace it. I guess this explains why the carpet tack in that room was rotted out and the tarazzo was discolored when we pulled up the carpet. Mystery solved. Now I know I probably need a new tub with all new plumbing. Which means I probably need a new bathroom...

I think when I'm done with Neverwhere (and I'm halfway there already), I'll take a break from Neil Gaiman and read some Umberto Eco. I read The Name of the Rose a very long time ago, and think I should re-read it and also pick up Foucault's Pendulum and The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana. Of course, I'm also reading The Time Traveler's Wife and it has yet to really catch my attention (so far I've found it infuriatingly plodding and dull, to be honest), but I'm only a few chapters in. I'll give it a little bit more time before I decide whether to keep going or not. Considering how overwhelmingly popular this book is, and how many people have gone out of their way to tell me how great it was I'm a little disappointed, so far. But as I've stated before, I'm not exactly a romantic, so I'm not one of those people who really enjoys treacly "timeless love stories" or star crossed anything, so the whole cliched tugging at the heartstrings approach doesn't really rate as great fiction to me. A certain amount of tragedy I can handle, but when it comes to a story centered around "everlasting love transcending the reaches of time"...I have a hard time suspending my disbelief.

I have things to do tonight, so the fact that I'm posting means I'm procrastinating - again. I have a house that needs tidying (I was reminded earlier this evening that there are dishes to do and a bathroom to clean).


I got all ambitious and decided to make a scrapbook for my mother-in-law. So I have two days to do that. I was lazy and sent out NO Christmas cards. I'm making something for my Grandparents in Pennsylvania, but it won't be ready until after the holidays, so it'll be a late surprise. I was hopeing to make it up there in a couple months, but it is looking less and less like that is going to happen. So maybe next year.

Festive fakery and fun fa la la la la...la la la la

Christopher Walken is not actually running for President. The world might be a better place, if he were. Every child would get a pocket watch (but don't ask where it has been), and there would be more cowbell. And as far as I know, he does not have a blog. So the website I found isn't really his, but it is full of amusing content that might be close to Walken's style, so the fact that it probably isn't genuinely written by him won't keep me from enjoying it any less. At least it's not the guy going to auditions and making a MySpace profile posing as Walken's son. That's just sad.

"I'd love to do a character with a wife, a nice little house, a couple of kids, a dog, maybe a bit of singing, and no guns and no killing, but nobody offers me those kind of parts."

Yes - that is Walken as the Hessian from Sleepy Hollow. Shilling Nog. I love Fark. I really, really do. Because scouring 4/chan for images leads one down the dark path to creepytown.

Oh, hey - according to some internet sources (and has been reported before) J.K. Rowling has considered (and still may be mulling over) the possibility of writing yet another Harry Potter book. She does give a little more insight into her vision of what the now grown members of the Potter posse would be up to (not enough Neville updates, grrr!), so the linked article may be worth a read. I know a person or two who wishes she'd hurry up with that damn encylopedia already.

Annnnd...saw the new Hellboy trailer. The original cast is intact. Can I just say....YESSSSS!

M - read a review tonight that says I Am Legend is almost awesome. Until the ending. Which is supposedly messy and awful and out of synch with the rest of the film. You'll tell me if it sucks. I trust your judgement.

Bad Omens

This morning while I was getting out of my car at work, my new copy of Neverwhere slipped out of my hand and landed in a puddle. I can't even fully articulate how upset I was. There may have been curse words uttered. Luckily it was a very shallow puddle and the book landed on the back cover instead of getting splayed out as it hit the ground, so the pages didn't really get too wet. I have it sitting under something heavy so the pages won't curl too badly as it dries. The strange thing is, as I was getting out of the car I noticed the puddle and thought to myself that it would suck if I dropped my book. So I went to adjust the stuff I was holding to be sure I wouldn't drop the book...and that's when it happened. I'm a terrible klutz who can fortell self fulfilling prophecies, apparently.

This is day two of being utterly alone at work. It's blissful and boring, so I may take the time to actually catch up on some things. Probably not, though. I have a couple of errands to run later in the afternoon. I think I'll stop by B&N to pick up a frappucino while I'm out.

What those of you in the Arctic North are missing:

Sunshine, beaches!!

I love how our IT is indescriminantly blocking access to websites now. And it's not even very consistant. Sometimes Blogger is blocked, and sometimes I can access it. They've decided to block YouTube today. So I'd like to wish them all a joyful effing holiday, considering that none of them are even probably here today.

This is not a difficult concept to grasp

Help for the holidays - one local news station unearths the truth about what men want for Christmas with some seriously hard hitting journalism. The article itself is pointless, but read the comments (and the related Fark thread, while you're at it). I wonder if they're really going to read these on the air tonight? I may have to tune in. By the way, if you need your local TV news hacks telling you what to get your husband /SO for the holidays, maybe you really should just spend time with your cats and stop delaying the inevitable.

I'm freezing. They keep the place like a meat locker when it is so nice out. Just baffling. Off to cancel a pointless meeting and make some cocoa to warm me bones.

The more things change

One of my departing colleagues just dropped off a thank you card for me. It's nice to know that the things I do that seem to be unnoticed by management are at least appreciated by my peers. Or actually, former peers. I was talking to the boss's assistant the other day, and she's fairly new, so we got on the subject of all of the turnover and how it affects staff productivity and "morale". The result was it seems to affect other people in the organization, throwing them off kilter and disrupting their ability to function. I don't quite understand this. To me it's no big deal. But I used to work in TV production, where whole departments were eliminated in the course of a day and half your crew could just walk out one night. Or your coworker could show up wasted and end up passed out in the breakroom leaving you to handle several hours of a live broadcast while the supervisor tried to make sure your shiftmate wasn't in jail or dead in a gutter somewhere. The halcyon days of live retail television broadcast production are well behind me, but the effects of the experience I gained (and the changes it manifested in me as a person) still linger. Some valuable lessons I was able to take away with me, that help me function on multiple levels:

1) Turnover happens. You'll just have to do more with less, and hopefully it won't be a long term situation. But if it is, parlay it into a way to showcase your organizational and leadership skills - management loves that crap. They'll eat it with a spoon from the palm of your hand.

2) I can handle just about anything. Once you've dealt with swing shift sleep deprivation, had a producer call you stupid and a supervisor throw things at you, survived the resident harpy host's withering glance of death only to win her over by bringing fresh coffee and become one of a handful of people she trusts to be competant enough to allow anywhere near her, endured the people you work with reinacting middle school by making scathing fun of everything about you en mass and learned to see the humor in it and join in yourself...well, a lot of personal growth happened during those times. Not to mention working a very physically and emotionally intense job while heavily pregnant, actually going into labor at work, and insiting on finishing out my shift and driving myself home while having contractions. So, yeah. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, and I can deal.

3) Stressful situations can lead to bonding. The bonding can be a boon by creating friendships and reinforcing a support system, but sometimes that bonding is a little too intense and can lead to an unhealthy reliance on or expectation of another person. You need to be able to recognize the signs of bonding gone wrong and correct the course before it goes too far or irreperable damage is done.

4) No one is perfect. You can like someone personally and still think they suck at their job. And someone can be and do all the things you despise in their personal life and still be the best at what they do on the job.

So I'm here all alone for the next two days. Good thing I brought Neverwhere with me. And there's always the internet...

In stasis

I originally drafted this Monday night, and lost interest halfway through. I'm resurrecting it to have something to do.

The facts of reality as I know it right now: It is kind of cold outside (this is a relative kind of cold, so don't start in on your tales of snow and blah blah blah). My knee hurts (I fell outside of my son's school today and skinned my hand, my elbow, and one of my knees pretty bad...plus I bruised my fragile ego by taking a tumble in public). And I want to go to Pennsylvania. As in now. Tomorrow. Next week. Whenever I can.

M got me some awesome gifts. I swear, she knows me better than anyone. And she is more than a little psychic, I'm sure of it. How else would she have chosen to buy me Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, even though I'd never mentioned the book to her, and at the exact time it was on the Christmas list I gave to my husband? Uncanny!

The Golden Compass was actually not bad. They left out a large portion of the more controversial elements, and the story was kind of choppy and hard to follow, but it wasn't the worst movie I've paid to see. (the first book was compressed into the first twenty minutes or so of exposition, then the meat of the film encompassed most of the second book) *edited because I think I was misinformed and passing bad plot info...my bad!*

The best part:

There was one scene that affirmed the film's PG-13 rating. It was intense.

I'd like to see I Am Legend. But it has zombie/vampire things, so I probably won't go to see it due to not having anyone to go with me and my love/paralyzing fear realtionship issues with zombies. Vampires make me laugh, though, so if they're more the latter than the former I may be able to handle it.

It's a week before Christmas Eve. Two weeks before the impending new year. I hope everyone one is as full of mixed emotions as I am.

My new coworker got me a gift card to B&N, so that way I can either get more books or some Fauxbucks if the mood strikes me. It was incredibly thoughful and I felt awful that I had decided not to give gifts to the coworkers this year. And speaking of books - I just finished The God of Animals by Aryn Kyle. What an amazing novel - on par with The Lovely Bones as far as the tones of overwhelming tragedy and loss, though. I've been struggling through an obscure story by H.G. Wells and started The Time Traveler's Wife (which has me thoroughly befuddled a few chapters in). I may put them both aside and start on Neverwhere tonight, once my chores are done.

In other news, the closing of my son's school will be delayed at least a year. Our school board is a mess. And four members of the board believe that Intelligent Design should be taught in county classrooms. Sometimes I think I'd like to move somewhere else before permanant damage is done to the logic centers in my son's still developing brain by the strangers "looking out for his best interests".

It's not like these are society's brightest and best...

In light of the fact that I have done some tweaking to my link lists and content, I thought I'd share something from the To Do List blog.

A list of possible screen names. The list includes such gems as:

Resident Zombie
Lord of the Hobbits

...actually, those were the two best. Only because they reference either zombies or hobbits. And they sound like failed band name ideas. The rest were horrrrible. I mean, they certainly can't compare to Urban Flood or Zombie Apocalypse. Those are all mine, baby.

Feel free to read the lamer offerings on the list.

The party's here on the West side.

Courtesy of The Jingler website, which claims to be able to turn any song into a Christmas tune (mostly via intermittant jingly jangly sleigh bell sounds), I give you Bat For Lashes "What's A Girl To Do", Christmas 2007 Edition (press the arrow below to play):



Upload your favorite songs and add some jing at The Jingler.

Also, in honor of the swiftly approaching holiday, here's one of my absolute favorite scenes from Invader Zim's Most Horrible X-mas Ever:



As an update to my previous post, I went to the party, took some food, and went back to my office. I was later informed that in my absence I had won one of the big door prizes. Not a t-shirt. A three night hotel stay at one of the local "luxury" hotels. So, my employer just gave me my anniversary present. Maybe it's a sign of my luck turning around? Or not.

My son amended his list for Santa today. It is now composed of a jet (toy or actual pilotable jet, he declined to clarify); a pet snake (WTF - the kid is afraid of lizards!); and a toy mouse (again - what??). I asked him if he had a choice would he pick those things over the bike he originally asked Santa for a month ago, and his answer was a minute of silence and then "Well...no. I think I want a bike." Silence, and I think this conversation is over, and then he adds "And a pet snake." I had to tell him that Santa has a policy of not transporting live animals in his sleigh. They scare the reigndeer. Now, if he had asked for a puppy, I would have no doubt caved. Just don't tell my husband...

For M...sorry I couldn't get you this for Christmas, but it was a little out of my price range - a single leatherbound copy of The Tales of Beeble the Bard, handwritten and illustrated by J.K. Rowling, recently sold for a ridiculous sum through Sotheby's auction house. You can see pictures and read some excerpts thanks to Amazon, and that will have to console you.

And I JUST saw a bootlegged theatrical trailer for The Dark Knight (and no - sadly I'm not re-posting or linking to it here but you can find it at wwtdd.com or movieweb.com until the studio serves them with a cease and desist like they did for YouTube).
Could the unthinkable be possible? Could Heath Ledger really be the quintessential Joker?

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

*Sigh* I'm sitting here a little bored, and a little pissed (long story) as the strains of SpongeBob Squarepants plays behind me. I'm tired. I guess that's all for now...

Where fun goes to die

I've had one of those weeks. I know - I seem to have a lot of those, don't I? I'm not sure why. A function of my tendancy to internalize and personalize things, I suppose. I've been kind of stressed, and some of it is from things I can do something about, but most of it is from events or circumstances completely out of my control. Like I was telling a stranger on a message board the other day - we only have so much control over other people and what they believe and the choices they make. Sometimes you just have to let it go. It's a hard lesson for me to follow, even though it seems like one of the most obvious things. But at least with this latest heartburn-inducing project basically off of my plate, I can settle back into the normal swing of things. Whatever the hell that is.

We've had two resignations in as many weeks. It has some people pretty freaked out, especially when I ominously proclaim that these things come in 3s.

There's a party at work this afternoon. Some people are saying that if management put as much effort into training and working on retention issues as was put into planning this party - with its theme, and prizes, and other miscellaneous pointless & meaningless warm fuzzies - this would be a better place to work and people might want to stay longer than six months to a year (or in some cases, three weeks). I know several people who have said they aren't going to bother attending. Personally, I like free food and the chance to win crappy door prizes, so I'm totally there. Who needs morale - just give me a cheap t-shirt and call it a day.

I'm a little ambivalent about the upcoming holidays. The weather has been reminiscent of summer, I've had little time to finish up my shopping, and I'm just really not in the mood this year. Which sucks, since my son is so excited that he's been asking every day "Is it Christmas today?". He woke up the day after we'd put the tree up expecting there to be presents under it. Sometimes I wish I could get that youthful joy back. But how?

Going to go exchange gifts with M this weekend and eat good food and see a (hopefully) good movie. I need a distraction, so this will be good for me.

You have it set on "whore."

Just a little while ago I was browsing through the sites of some fellow bloggers. I do this sometimes. Just kind of randomly hit the "next blog" button and see what comes up. So I hit the button. And all of a sudden I'm seeing some things I just don't want to see! It seems I had been redirected to porn. This is why I don't do any browsing during work time - you really never do know what you're going to get as you're clicking through. You're going along thinking Oh, a music blog. Ah, they post MP3s, sweet, just bookmark, and nex....ahhhhh, sweet merciful Jesus noooooo! as images of unspeakable things appear on the screen and you try to figure out how to navigate away as quickly as possible before someone walks past your cubicle of the damned.

Gah...how shall I strike the horrors I have unwittingly witnessed from my memory banks...*thinks of Clive Owen and a puppy frolicking in a field of daisies*...

...That's a little better. Moving on, now...

Have I mentioned lately that I think Javier Bardem is going to be one of my new favorite actors? Oh yes. It's true. Javier says "You will see Love in the Time of Cholera. You cannot resist me". And I cannot resist.

But I can resist this movie, which seems like a poor retelling of the older than dirt and over romanticised myth of eternal love. Today we would call this depth of emotion bordering on obsessive and punishable to the fullest extent of the law. Having never read the novel, I find the basic idea showcased by the film utterly depressing, but I'm not big on overwraught tales of unrequited love. Have a look at the movie's official website, just the same. I may read the book eventually, although I'm not sure I'll be moving it up on my list any time soon.

I've been posting a lot lately. I need a new hobby. And it is waaay past my bed time...

Winning at irony abnormally fast!!

On the heels of the knowledge that there is actually a Brawndo drink for sale (seriously - it has electrolytes and will make you need new pants), here are the ads for Powerthirst...harness the power of 400 babies!






Just for M, for all of your energy drink needs - Bawls. Now available at Target! So you can stop depending on me as your seedy back alley supplier.


And I just wanted to post this because it was cool -- a list of Pixar "in jokes" that tie the various films together. I'm partial to finding the Ray Harryhausen references in a lot of today's animated feature films, like the name of the restaurant in Monster's Inc. and the brand of piano in both Corpse Bride and Wallace and Grommit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

The spirit of giving and all that crap

Over the last couple of days I've been going through my favorite websites, culling and sorting. Here are a few I thought I'd share. Don't say I never gave you anything...

I have no idea what caused me to save this...Friends With You is utterly weird and beyond description (hint: skip everything else and go straight to the gallery).

I have an inexplicable love of widgets. Widgetbox is a good site, and Konfabulator has a decent selection, too.

Pajiba is where I go for reviews of movies and tv and random missives on pop culture.

Because I love everything Jim Henson ever touched - I'm still waiting for my Dark Crystal sequel (and my Fizzgig plushie) - I like to keep up with the happenings at Muppet Central.

Now I'm going to go do some other stuff to waste my valuable time. I would be going to the grocery store right now, but my son decided to crash out on the living room floor and is not to be disturbed.

This is a fire door-never leave open.

Lately we've been keeping the main door closed. It cuts down on the noise from the rest of the building, almost totally eliminates the number of buzzing, flying annoyances, and keeps the food smells from the main corridor from infiltrating our space. It has smelled like pancake syrup out there for three days straight. I heard yesterday that while I was gone earlier this week the former co-worker came over and voiced her disapproval of the closed door. As far as I'm concerned, she can disapprove all she wants - it is none of her damn business whether the door is open or closed since she no longer works in the building. The boss is satisfied that we are productive and welcoming when we need to be, and he likes the quiet and the fact that there is no longer a steady stream of admirers and socializers that he has to wade through in order to get to his office - and the boss's opinion is the one that counts. It's a win-win for all of us, really. If I were equally petty, I'd walk down to the space she now occupies and find something to be disapproving about. I'm sure it wouldn't take long to find something...

Because my son was sick again (or still?) this week (bronchitis and an ear infection!), I had to reschedule my root canal. And wouldn't you know it - now that tooth starts to bother me!

It was discovered by a co-worker earlier today that our IT is starting to block access to certain websites. So far none of the ones I frequent have been targets of this campaign, but time will tell.

Go!

I didn't know the new Speed Racer movie was a Wachowski brothers project. The racing scenes look awesome, but I'm not crazy about the rest of it. As far as casting, I do think Matthew Fox was a good choice for Racer X, but I'm kind of meh about Emile Hirsch...and Christina Ricci and her fivehead make a horrrrrrible Trixie. Keep an eye out for Chim Chim in the trailer.

Here's a side by side for comparison:









I found the image and an overview of part of the cast at First Showing.

Lets make up some crap

M and I saw Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood at the Van Wezel in SRQ last night. Quite funny. The first bit, which was a staple on Whose Line, had me in a fit of laughter. Everything else in between was good, but the final part of the show had me crying. Apparently, it's a signature part of the show:

"I love this chicken neck. It's great."

Borderline creepy/fascinating?

Someone does not have a case of the...well, you know...

This morning I put up two pins from my Office Space Box of Flair: "I Believe You Have My Stapler" and "Did you get the memo". I decided that "I Could Set The Building On Fire" was not so much insubordinate as much as it was...incendiary. And that was not quite what I was going for in the subtlty department.

What Mondays are good for: Putting up Christmas decorations at work.
What Mondays are not good for: Working

My son came home from his weekend with the Grandparents with a bad cold (Thanks a lot Grams!!). He had a fever of over a hundred and two degrees last night, but the fever broke and he's just got a bad cough today. I swear, the kid has been sick with something or other for over a month. I think it's time for The Bubble.

Tomorrow I rush over to SRQ right after work to visit with M and see Colin Mochrie doing stand-up. Should be a good time. I should have taken Wednesday off. It's going to be a late night...

Just for M on this fine Monday morning, a play on words - dinosaur mummy's rock. Literally.

For those who watch American Idol (which I steadfastly do not), here's a little Where Are They Now, runner up edition - Jessica Sierra's next career could be as spokesperson for the "Faces of Meth" anti-drug campaign...or maybe a porn "actress". Oh, wait! She might already be at least one of those things. How sad. Schadenfreude, table for one please, party of me...

Also, there's a gecko in my office today. I welcome this little harbinger of good fortune and eater of small flying annoyances.

I was thinking of an unrelated thing

While searching for information about a website that I saw advertised during a recent lunch at Chipotle Mexican Grill downtown, I found something on their website that reminded me of my old boss. Not quite "clickity-click", but close. I didn't find what I was looking for, though.

I'm currently half watching a Harry Potter movie marathon on the ABC Family channel and browsing the selections on eMusic while chatting via IM. I'm very bored. Every time I get a weekend without my son, unless I had prearranged plans to do something interesting and/or fun, I get bored. Then I sit on my butt playing on the internet for a few hours.

Last night I went out to Borders to get some shopping done. I wandered around for over an hour and spent way more than I should have. Book stores are dangerous places for me, even when I'm shopping for other people. I did find the Office Space Box of Flair - it's full of buttons with quotes from the movie. Since I am the Milton of my office, you can be assured that I will be putting a few up on my bulletin board. After leaving Borders I met my husband at his regular weekend gig in time to join him and a couple friends for their Friday night ritual of going to the local wing place. We were waited on by two members of the restaurants's cadre of Bulgarian servers, who taught us a little of the language - "beer" is a pretty universal word, it would seem.

We're supposed to get the Christmas decorations out tomorow and start getting ready for the holiday. How can I conceivably do that when it's 80 degrees outside?

A few things of note:

• There's a book swap at work coming up. I need some advice on which book to bring. I'm currently torn between the Zombie Survival Guide and I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski. Opinions? Other suggestions?
• Currently I'm reading Food of the Gods by H.G. Wells and The God of Animals by Aryn Kyle.
• Looking forward to Sci-Fi's 3-part miniseries Tin Man starting tomorrow. I enjoyed Merlin and a couple of the others that Sci-Fi has done in the past. I tried watching King Arthur the other night and it was awful, really - a miserable retelling of the Arthurian tales and even Clive Owen couldn't redeem it for me.
• Shift work may cause cancer, according to some research that will probably be contradicted by some other study in six months. But until then - to my former employer I say: Thanks for the carcinoma! bastages...
• Why the internet is cool - images of space, one of my favorite mathematical sequences (a little hapahazardly explained here, but A for effort anyway) and a song by Tool:
  

(You can read more about the sequencing of the lyrics)

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I am a shameless schill...

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Conundrum, dum-dum...

Things are about to get...interesting. I won't delve too much or linger on the needless details here, but I'll just say I had a completely unproductive meeting with HR just a little bit ago about the position I hold and the duties and level of responsibility inherant to said position. What it seems to boil down to is...
A) I have the same work load and level of responsibility as several people in higher level positions but make at least $10,000 a year less on average
B) I have been doing this work - and then some - for a year, and the skills that allow me to do this job (which few people here are either interested in or remotely qualified to do without a lot of training) have been largely self-taught (formal training is almost non-existant here)
C) I can't expect a "promotion" into the job I am technically doing now until I have been doing this same job for at least six more years OR I get a four year degree

I do not posess a Bachelor's degree. I have no interest in sacrificing what little time I have available to spend with my young son in order to struggle for the next several years to attain a Bachelor's degree. The equivalent in work experience in order to qualify for the title of this higher level position that most closely associates with the duties and work I am currently performing - according to HR - is about 6 or 7 years (six months of experience subsituting for every year of the 4 year degree, plus at least three years "equivalent work experience").

I am being told that potentially, there is nothing anyone can do about the "system" that has caused this.

Yet somehow, someone who used to work in my area recently got a promotion and signifigant pay raise for a position that wasn't even advertised and that they don't even have the required work experience for.

From now on:

In honor of the debate tonight (live from my back yard!), I've been listening to politically themed music all day. I must have heard "James K. Polk" by They Might Be Giants about twenty times today.

I'm watching the debate. So far Guiliani and Thompson are complete and utter fail. Romney is kind of smug, so I'm not sure how I feel about his points (plus - he's rabidly anti-abortion). McCain is relying on Republican's nationalistic bent to secure votes....booo. So who is left - Paul and Huckabee?? Paul just said he'd consider reforming the DOE and IRS. Has Huckabee even fielded a question. I HATE the YouTube format. Hate hate hate!

Edgy like a suburban mallrat

I got a phone call from my sister this evening. She'll be 14 next month. She called to tell me what she wanted to get my son for Christmas. The she proceeded to talk to me for a while about a bunch of things that I can barely remember...her friend who shops at Hot Topic and listens to Panic! At the Disco and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and various and sundry other bands on heavy rotation on Steven's Untitled Rock Show...Some book she saw in a Books A Million in Tennessee that she couldn't even remember what it was about by the time she went to tell me about it (you should ask her to tell you a joke sometime)...What kinds of chores she'll have to do to earn the money to buy her nephew a Christmas present. You know what sticks out the most, though? The fact that she shops at Wet Seal and wears a size 1. I never fit into the clothes at Wet Seal at age 14, let alone fit into anything with a tag reflecting a number that low. The last time I could wear a size 1 from any store? Elementary school - maybe. At least she finds the proposition of shopping at Hot Topic abhorrant and thinks her friend's "screamo" bands are loud and annoying. This means she's nothing like me at her age. My mother can consider that a dodged bullet.

There is a Republican debate scheduled for tomorrow about a block from where I work. They had this CNN outfit staked out in our visitor parking all day to get "voter reaction" to all of the "issues" facing voters in the upcoming election. Never saw more than two people talking to all the young, energized CNN staffers skulking around looking like flesh-starved beasts ready to pounce on the first meaty disenfranchised, apathetic non-voter to make the mistake of looking them in the eye.
There's been a little bit of controversy locally, because there were advocates for the local homeless population that wanted to protest the debate, and they were encouraged to move to a location that was not on city property. The protest is actually to bring attention to whatever their issue with the services the city and county government might be providing that doesn't meet their needs or expectations - this time it seems to be that the shelter being built is not located in the proverbial "heart" of town and the homeless population (or rather, their politically motivated "advocates") believes this will render the local homeless population "invisible".

The city put barracades up and have police standing by to make sure no one crosses the barricades. Now the protestors (made up of what looks to mostly be homeless people from downtown) are camped out across the street. In front of the Barnes & Noble. Which is next door to the Hilton.

So if you watch the debate, that's my town...in all its dubious glory.

Do svidaniya

The remains of the last members of the Russian Romanov family may have been discovered.

From an article posted on AOL News:

YEKATERINBURG, Russia (Nov. 25) -- On the outskirts of this burly industrial center, off a road like any other, on a nowhere scrap of land -- here unfolded the final act of one of the last century’s most momentous events. A short way through a clearing, toward a cluster of birch trees, the killers deposited their victims’ bodies, which had been mutilated, burned and doused with acid to mask their origins...
Eleven people were said to have been killed that day in July 1918 on Lenin’s orders. Just nine sets of remains were dug up here and then authenticated using DNA. The remains of the czar’s son and heir, Aleksei, and one daughter, whose identity is still not absolutely clear, were missing.

(Read the rest of the story...)

The identity of the mystery daughter, as has always been speculated, might be that of youngest daughter Anastasia. There have been countless women claiming to be Princess Anastasia - none was ever confirmed. It was doubtful, despite romantic rumors, that fragile Prince Alexei - being afflicted with hemophilia - would have survived. The remains of the previously confirmed members of the royal family were buried at the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul in St. Petersburg in 1998.

(Photo by Sisse Brimberg from National Geographic.com)

On a barely related note (barely meaning "hardly at all"), if fashion and "lifestyle" magazines are to be believed, it looks like matroishka dolls and Russian folk art (think black lacquer and faberge) are the next hot thing in home decor...and I couldn't be more excited. Just remember - you heard it here first. Unless you read In Style. In which case, you just got confirmation of a pending design trend here...first.

Terminal velocity increases with mass

I can't believe how long it has been since I updated this thing...

What have I been up to? Lets see...

I had a sick child for the span of a long weekend.

Went to a PirateFest (like a RenFair, except more gay - and less pirate than assorted Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves). M and I battled to the death via some swordplay. I lost. Short people never win at anything that requires reach and dexterity.

M and I saw Tori Amos in concert - expensive tickets, but worth it due to the amazing light show and incredible atmosphere. There were two seperate sets that required a costume change. During the first set, which Tori performed as one of her alter-egos, she unexpectedly humped the stage and flicked off the audience. Things settled down for the second part of the show. Of course, half the douchebags in the theater - and especially in my row for whatever reason - didn't seem to give a flying crap about how much the tickets cost or the possibility that others might have wanted to actually see what was happening on stage, since they were constantly getting up and getting drinks, or just disappearing altogether after they obstructed my view and stepped on my feet for the fourth freaking time in half an hour. It's a sit-down show, people! Have a little courtesy for the people who came to actually SEE THE SHOW! Also, the ass who decided to wear the ever-classy "MILF Hunter" shirt to the show...I wish the Earth would just swallow you up to spare the rest of humanity your ridiculous hipster sense of retarded "irony". Stupid is not the same as clever. You get no points. This goes double for the idiot girl accompanying you to the show who obviously didn't have a problem with you leaving the house looking like an adolescent.

Thanksgiving was spent with the in-laws. It was relatively drama free. I made the turnips. My sister-in-law taught my son about gravity by showing him how what goes up must come down. I introduced him to velocity by explaining that if what went up came down through Grandpa's car window, someone's hand would be making contact with his hiney.

(....................Caught red handed!)

I got whatever my son had last weekend, but to a lesser degree. I've been feeling like dreck for days.

I've been reading a lot, and avoiding the internet. Yesterday I finished A Christmas Caroline by Kyle Smith. Last week I finished Capital Crimes by Jonathan & Faye Kellerman. Tonight I am working my way through Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman (I've been working on this one a while - keep picking it up and putting it down).

Last week I *finally* watched the fourth Harry Potter movie. Didn't care for it, except that there was a decent amount of Fred and George. Hermoine and Ron were especially annoying, which was...annoying.

I watched Children of Men earlier tonight. I always meant to read the book before I saw the movie, and I'm now glad I didn't see this in the theater. Don't get me wrong - I really think this is a great movie (and - it has Clive Owen in it!). But the bulk of the story is incredibly bleak and dystopian and I would have left the theater pretty depressed because of the ending. I still might read the book, just to have read it.

I refuse to talk about work. I refuse to acknowledge that there even is a work until Monday morning.

Coming up is the annual SnowFest (as close as we get to the stuff is having shaved ice trucked in), and I venture to M's neighborhood to see Colin Mochrie (from the improv show Whose Line Is It Anyway?). Two days after that I get a root canal and crown. So, uh, yaaaay?

Step lively! We can't afford to dilly-dally, we're on a tight schedule

The end of my week has been a real pisser. Between the news of necessary tooth pulling and the non-stop drama and scheming that's been going down at work the last couple of days, I just feel like turning my back on all unwanted annoyances and trying to get past the static. Unfortuately, the biggest unwanted annoyance pays my bills, and I like having a roof over my head. To add to all of my anxiety over my workload, and my pending tooth surgery, and my fianances, this morning as I was walking out the door to go to work I got a phone call from my son's before & after school program saying that he had just thrown up all over himself. Christ on a stick - his dad had just dropped him off no more than twenty minutes before. So now, I'm at home with a kid who thinks that he feels so much better (of course!) and now it is time to play, and I'm thinking about all the work that is now backlogged and all of the demands that have been coming before the things I really need to do. I am supposed to have a very important meeting later this afternoon, and I needed this morning to prepare for the meeting. So I'm screwed. Frustrating. I may even have to go in on Sunday (man, my husband is going to kill me for even entertaining that thought), just to catch up.

This weeks motto has been: The work keeps piling up and survivors are aimlessly wandering about...Oh, the HUMANITY!

Pictures with Santa and plans with M are what's on tap for tomorrow. She bought the little guy some costuming elements in the theme of the event we're going to as a surprise, and I greatly appreciate that. We've got the Tori Amos show next week (and I apologize for not being more hyped up about this, by the way). And I've got five days off coming up (not that I can really afford to take the time after the week I've had...). So for now, I'll focus on the holiday break to get me through. Deep breaths. Deeeep breaths.

No thanks, I'm trying to quit

Today I went to the dentist. Would you like to know exactly how long it has been since I've been to the dentist? Well, then...let me tell you: ten years. The last time I went to have my gaping maw poked with sharp instruments and prodded by latex-clad fingers was when I still lived at home with mom and dad. Before you silently judge me and internally go "erwwwww" over my lack of regular tooth maintenance, understand that for a very long time I did not have dental insurance coverage. And now that I do have coverage, I have decided that some things just cannot be put off any longer out of fear of discomfort and pain. And boy is there going to be pain. It seems that a root canal is in order. Several years ago I managed to break a molar on a singularly damnable Skittle (and Skittles have been banned from my candy consumption repetoire ever since). The filling in that molar stayed intact, but the broken part created a space ripe for the development of a new cavity, which seems to be getting mighty too close to the nerve. Hence, the need for an insanely expensive (even WITH dental coverage) root canal and crown. Add to that the fact that my wisdom teeth - that a dentist back those many years ago told me would probably never be a problem for me - have "erupted through the soft tissue" (sounds sexy, eh?), so now it looks like I will be having surgery to have them extracted. The dentist says they'll probably have to surgically remove bone in addition (!). I got the referral paperwork today, but I was told it can be deferred a little bit in order to take care of the broken tooth situation...and reassess my finances to figure out how to pay for it without having to sell a kidney. Other than those two things, the dentist said everything else looked fine for being a dumbass and totally ignoring my oral health. There's a nugget of a cautionary tale hidden in that story somewhere. I'd point it out to you if my mouth didn't hurt so bad.

So as if my day wasn't bad enough, when we got home this evening the cat had puked all over the den. I swear she's the Paris Hilton of the cat world: demanding and bitchy, acting like the world revolves around her every whim and desire, and totally unable to keep from purging her dinner. Actually I think she's a little smarter than her human counterpart, though. And not nearly as slutty, either.

Dropping the Hobbit like a bad habit

Okay. That was shamelessly awful headline composing, but I just couldn't help myself. According to the NY Post's Page Six (no mere grain of salt needed here), Evangeline Lilly (also known as the often semi-clothed Kate - aka"Freckles" - from Lost) and Dominic Monaghan (Charlie, the formerly kind of annoying ex-junkie rocker with a heart of gold, known to many Lost fans as "The Hobbit") are done. This has been reported before. It is also totally irrelevant to anything important. I just figured I'd take the opportunity for M and myself to make hobbit jokes.

Annnd...GO!

An open letter to Shia LaBeouf

Oh, Shia, Shia, Shia...Once upon a time, you were all over the glossies stating how you were above all of that drunken party-going that the skanky starlet set has made pretty much the standard over the last few years. You acted as if you were more level-headed and adult and played up how average and boring your life was and how you just liked to stay home for a lovely night in with friends rather than wallowing in your own fluids in some back alley in The Valley. But then, news of your arrest for late-night trespassing in a Walgreens bursts forth from the internet. For shame, Shia. For shame! Under the influence and belligerent - at a Walgreens? Of all the places to be proven to be a hypocrite (or to pull a stunt to make sure the new Indiana Jones movie you'll probably have sullied with your mere presence gets some free publicity). Did you really need this kind of press? Were you just not getting enough scripts thrown in your direction...I mean, how many movies were you in last year? It was about twenty or so, wasn't it? If it wasn't it sure as hell felt like it. Thanks for living down to my expectations and confirming my opinion of everything that's wrong with "young Hollywood". So stay the course, Shia. It's all downhill from here. I can't wait to read about your failed stint in rehab.

Sincerely,

Not Much of a Fan Anyway So No Big Loss, Probably

P.S.: I love your mugshot on The Smoking Gun, by the way! You look like I felt when I read about your arrest. And you have the second most annoying name of actors in the news recently. But if you decide to hit someone with your car (and preferably that someone would be holding a camera at the time), you'd jump to the number one spot above Keanu Reeves. We all need goals, so there you go.

Killing me not so softly

I hope everyone's Halloween was a blast and I'm really looking forward to the upcoming holidays, but I just have to ask: Is this year over yet? It's just dragging in some spots, then in others it zooms right by me. I'm tired of marking time using employment milestones. I've started to think of them more as millstones, anyway. My job just gets more choc-full-o-crap with every day that passes. Last week there was an article in the paper that threw a big, shiny spotlight on the inequitable hiring and salary practices here, and yet it seems to be a hush-hush event. Lots of whispering and furtive glances around corners, but no forthright information from the higher-ups. It would be nice if someone would at least try to allay our concerns. But I guess pretending that no one has concerns seems to be working just fine for our management. Their mindset seems to be the old standard "The beatings will continue until morale improves" routine. Meanwhile, my boss's door is closed for the majority of the time he is even occupying it and I don't find him approachable or supportive in the least...I have someone who is not my boss (and who is kind of annoyingly clueless yet acts like the authority in everything) deciding what my job is or will be (whatever it is, it certainly IS NOT what I have been doing for the last nine months with no compensation, that's for sure)...and one of the other grunts called me yesterday to discuss the fact that his workload doesn't match his pay (Ha! Join the club, sport!!), since someone who does considerably less than he does just got promoted with an accompanying raise as "a gesture" as my boss put it (the person who got the unwarranted promotion had threatened to quit before - actually followed through with it once than came running back days later to ask for the job back, and isn't even that good at their job...hey, speak of the devil - probably calling to ask how to place an on-line order with a credit card - AGAIN!). Some days it just doesn't pay to be Answer Girl. And on Monday our new "receptionist" came to ask me why it seemed like the old "receptionist" (now working in another department) didn't like her. We had to have a little sit-down so that I could explain that our former co-worker was an overly-ambitious child who didn't have time for peons such as us since we were of very little use or consequence to someone of her status. It goes doubly because we're not men and can't be manipulated through flirting. I think I probably put it more nicely than that, but that's the gist.

Less talkie-talkie...more trick-or-treaty

Happy all Hallow's Eve eve! I hope everyone has their preparations in order. It's going to be a good one this year, I can just feel it. I go home tonight and decorate my porch to majestic heights of festivity. Or something...

Courtesy of Fark, I present to you the GREATEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEA EVAR: A Christopher Walken mask - just click, print and cut. And viola! I tell ya', if I were more ballsy (and unafraid of making a total dorkwad of myself), I would wear this thing all day at work Wednesday. But...I'm a weenie. So I won't.

In honor of the pending holiday, I give you Walken reading Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven":



(Conspicuously absent: cowbell)


And because this is M's favorite (oft quoted!) clip:



("It's gonna hurt...REAL bad. Right here. For 8, 9 seconds.")

Making all of my teeniest, tiniest dreams come true

Yesterday we went to a Pumpkin Fest across the bridge. Although there wasn't much having to actually do with that king among gourds (it was more deep fried foods and what was passing as "crafts" than about pumpkins), we did drive through horse country and I amused everyone with my musing about how I would have physically picked up and stolen away with a miniature pony I saw in someone's yard. Today, it seems that some brilliant person in the UK had the same idea.

Lets do the timewarp. Again.

I was getting coffee this morning - as is customary these days to battle the malaise that overcomes me the minute my foot slips over the threshold into my office - and glanced at the little digital clock on the coffee maker. It was projecting 1:17 PM. I got confused for a second and thought I may have slipped into a fugue state while the better part of the day passed unnoticed by me, so I had to glance around the corner and check the time on the other clock. I was relieved to see that our breakroom clock was about four hours ahead, so I hadn't slipped into a dimensional wormhole or anything. But I was also a little annoyed that the time was off and had to fix it.

The Slate is running an amazing article about what to do to ward off wild monkey attacks. Thank God, people! I would otherwise never have realized that a macaque might be serious about wanting that cookie I'm holding until it had actually engaged its canines in my flesh. But now I'm all freaked out about the possiblity of roaming bands of marauding monkies showing up on my block. So not only do I have to prepare for the inevitable zombie apocalypse, but a monkey mob as well? Great. I suppose some of the same defensive implements could be employed in both scenarios, which would cut down on the cost of stockpiling weapons. Both would be equally messy.

M - it looks like your internet may have been fixed? How exciting! I didn't see you yesterday - how did your interview go? I'll be sending you a message later to check. And there's a club zombie walk planned for October 29th!! I'll have to get photo evidence that they actually organized something cool for once...

I'll give you PUNCH

I just got an e-mail from a coworker announcing there will be cheesecake and punch for his boss's birthday. His boss is my boss-by-proxy, since my actual boss hardly speaks to me or acknowledges that I might make any valuable contributions. In fact, today, while introducing me to some people who were visiting as guests (important ones, I'm guessing), he said "And this is maus (haha, no he said my real name - I don't think he's aware of my plethora of nicknames)...she does such and such, and manages our budgets." He looks at me and says "And how much are our budgets?" and I answer "Roughly X-million dollars for this year", which he repeats to the people he was introducing to me. And then he says "Well, really she doesn't do much but sit there all day in that office." I guess he was joking. I hope he was joking. I didn't find it all that funny, especially since I'd be hard pressed to explain just what it is HE does all day - when he's even here...

What's better than a taser for pest control purposes?

The answer, at least according to a local police officer who sprayed at or near some Muscovy ducks right outside of the police station a few months back, seems to be pepper spray. This has been headlining news for a couple of days on our local 24-hour news loop, which I find both hysterical and pathetic. So let this be a lesson for all cops: pepper spray is for beligerant homeless people, not ducks. And always make sure there are no witnesses.

I received something in the mail the other day with this on the envelope:

My first reaction was to think "No, I suppose not. Neither is the viewing audience. Has that show been yanked from the airwaves yet?" Then I opened up the envelope and saw it was a marketing ploy for Geico - part of their "Up With Cavemen" campaign, with the tagline of "Cavemen are people too". Okay. But they JUST AREN'T FUNNY. And neither was this lame newsletter for car insurance that is lamely masquerading as entertainment that was clogging up my mailbox.

Feasting on taun-tauns

Fall is here - or as close to Fall as the Southeast gets. There's only a couple of weeks until one of my most favorite pagan holidays ever. I have tons of plans for this weekend. I'll be taking tomorrow off. Just because I can. The little guy and I will find some mischief to make, just the two of us. Saturday M and I head downtown to see Hot Hot Heat in concert and raise a ruckus like only we can. I'm torn between recommending we have tapas or sushi pre-show. I guess we'll sort that out once she gets in town. Sunday is bowling. That should be fun. Next weekend I will go with the family to a Pumpkin Festival on a farm near my parents' house for smoked turkey legs, fresh lemonade and deep-fried twinkies. So my next couple of weekends are all booked up, and it feels great.

I have resumed going to the gym. Last night I biked over twelve miles. I wanted to use the other equipment, but I ran out of time. While I was biking (and reading a book), a lady walked up to a food table they had set out and proceeded to stuff her face with chips and the dips that were set out to go with them. I should have known when the membership scanning machine was down that not everyone in the place was necessarily a paying member. After about ten minutes of bingeing, the lady wandered over to the stationary bike next to mine, reeking of guacamole, and proceeded to try and figure out the machine. All the while talking to herself. Mind you, there were identical bikes on the other side of the gym not being used. But, no. Guac-lady had to pick the one next to me. After a few minutes of fast pedalling on the lowest setting she stopped to take off her shoes and socks! That's when I realized they weren't athletic shoes - she was wearing hiking boots. Weird!! At that point, I looked at the clock and decided it was just about time to get going. Tonight when I go I'll be using the bikes on the other side, hidden behind the treadmills where I can be left to work off my gluttonous ways in peace.

Your move...

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

M - do yourself a favor and search for a movie called "The Magic Christian".

Murals are not an acceptable form of legal tender

Today a woman keeps coming into my office and standing in the front doorway to stare at the artwork hanging on the interior suite wall right inside the door. She has been here twice. Walk over. Stand. Stare. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. She hasn't said anything to anyone. She's just stared intently at the painting. Taking it all in. But I get a distinct impression she's working up the nerve to be very morally offended. Not that I really blame her. This painting - located inside the office of a quasi-government entity - features the image of a semi-nude female figure rendered in a style similar to what one might find on Greek pottery...or in a bath house, since it's debatable what she is doing to the other only partially rendered (and possibly male) figure in the mixed-media painting. It's a pretty notorious piece within my office. M and I used to ponder the very nature of it on many occassions. The Fine Arts department came and got all of their cheaply framed crappy prints, but left this thing behind, in all of it's exposed breasticle glory displayed in it's dubious place of honor right by the main door. If this lady decides to complain maybe that'll get us some decent decor around this place.

They finished the eatery at work -- the aesthetic part, anyway. Half a million dollars, and what do they have to show for it? Blue tint on the windows and an ugly beaded curtain around a stage that no one may ever actually use. They put this giant mural on one wall, and someone mentioned today that basically that's where our raises went. Let me tell you something: Murals do not pay the bills. We had to buy new equipment for the kitchen at an additional cost. The person who decided this was a good idea needs to be fired. Oh, that's right - he skipped out before this ill-conceived project even got started. And the running of the actual operation of the place needs a LOT of work. Those people have no clue how to actually run a business, and it chills me to the very marrow of my bones. How they expect to turn a profit when they have an "Office Manager" who has tried for three days to fax paperwork to a number that took me all of five seconds to determine was a voicemail number is beyond me.

Coming out swinging

I was just attacked by a ginormous fruit fly. It obviously flew all the way from Chernobyl just to attempt to flit into my eye. Annoying! And gross.

I've had about a dozen e-mails today telling me that I need to go in and approve employee credit card charges. Half of the charges I'm trying to approve are giving me unresolvable errors. I had a mini-ferfluffle with a manager about another department charging his account - and notifying ME, since I'm the account approver instead of the manager, who thinks it's "his" money. We're going to be addressing this again. Next time, I may not be as pleasant about it. All in all, I need to just put all of my anxiety behind me and talk to my boss. I just feel...uncomfortable around him, though. It's tough to broach the subject of what your job is (or is not), and the fact that you are a tier below people who are doing the exact same work (or sometimes less work, even) for considerably more money when you're not sure if the boss understands what your job even is (he's compared me to the lower office staff before, which burns me, since I oversee and manage millions of dollars in funds for the unit - essentially the core of my many, many responsibilites - I'm not just answering phones and ordering supplies for a department). It's driving my husband nuts that I'm so reticent to have this conversation, and he gets a little frustrated with me about it. It's hard to explain to him that when I talk about work I'm not asking for advice (I never preface anything with "What do you think I should do?"), and he's naturally a "fixer", so he has a hard time understanding why I can't just walk into the boss's office and rattle off everything I do that deserves a promotion and/or raise and why my work load is slowly sapping my will to live. I. Just. CAN'T.

Our neighbor came over yesterday because the mailcarrier delivered all of the mail on the block to the wrong addresses. Everyone got the mail for the house next door. While the neighbor was at my house dropping off my mail, she launched into a long story about the drama between her and her now ex-boyfriend. Then she asked us if we could drop her off at the bar up the street because she had some "business" she needed to "conduct" up there and didn't want anyone to see her car there (seriously - her exact words). Since we were on our way out to waste some time and get dinner, we obliged. She also asked if we could keep an eye on her house while she's out of town for anything "suspicious". I can barely stand the excitement of her life.

My son likes to reinact experiences he has. Lately he walks around reciting the morning announcements for school ("Good morning boys and girls, teachers and staff..."). Yesterday while we were in his still unfinished room measuring windows he started putting on a show for us about Sunday school at church. Every minute or so he would bow his head, squeeze his eyes shut and murmur "Let us pray" and "Cheesus Christ" (there is apparently an extreme amount of prayer at Grandmom and Grandpa's church). It was good for a little sacraligious giggle.

Meester Popularitee

This morning when I took my son to school (which I don't usually do - his Dad has that honor most of the time), I couldn't believe how social he was. I swear, he knows half the school, including teachers of higher grades, and some parents. He's only five! Every second or third person he would chirp "Hi, so-and-so". He's very friendly when we're out and about, too, and M is his "best friend". A little while ago I got a message from my Mom saying that the little Dude's picture was in the Sunday paper. I guess they were learning how to safely cross the street at school for national Walk to School Day (which we knew nothing about - big surprise, and I drove him to school that day...reading the newsletter would probably help), and he got his picture taken. He IS awfully adorable and photogenic.

Also - he knew all 54 letters when he was tested at school (all versions of upper case and lower case). This was the second test of the year...the previous test he only missed the lowercase "l". So, not only is he adorable, he's quite smart. And he'll probably be taller than me by the time he's ten. I'll have no end of trouble as he gets older.

Happy Cristoforo Colombo Bumbles His Way Into The West Indies Day

In Fourteen Hundred And Ninety Two, Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue...

He got the Viking Leif Erikson's sloppy seconds (tomorrow - October 9th - is officially Leif Erikson Day, for those keeping score at home).

(Map courtesy of lost-civilizations.net)

So here we are. Monday again.

The weekend was long, and not as productive as I'd have liked. Of course, after the stress of the last few weeks, any kind of weekend break is welcome. I slept half the day on Saturday, so that was kind of nice. I've been getting headaches and stomachaches again, so that's...not so nice. My sister came to stay for a little bit Saturday evening. I managed to misplace my husband's keys, so he had to take mine to his second job...and to say he wasn't very happy would be an understatement. Lets just say that I could videotape the moments when he gets really angry or stressed, and it would no longer be a complete mystery why his blood pressure is as high as it is. I found the keys later. In the bottom of my purse. I have no recollection of putting them in the purse, but obviously I did. But at least I found them.

My son's bedroom floor got stripped and buffed (and waxed), so we're that much closer to finishing it. The fan was a royal pain in the ass to install on Saturday, and required an electrician to change out the box in the ceiling that was too small (twenty minutes of work for a hundred dollars - so obviously, I made a massive error in my choice of vocation). And there were some tense moments when my husband dropped a screw in the motor of the fan as he was putting it up. So then he had to dismantle the wiring he'd spent the early part of the afternoon installing to take the fan down and get the screw out and he was getting very frustrated. Then, when he'd gotten the fan down and taken the cover off the motor, we realized that the screw had fallen out while he was taking the fan down. But the blasted thing is up now, and my son thinks it's really cool. And that's what counts.

Yesterday morning at breakfast my son said he wanted to be a zombie for Halloween. It makes me so proud!

Shave and a haircut

Just for M (if you ever get reliable internet access again): The Trailer for Richard Burton's Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Muderous, vengeful barbers? Coming this Christmas? Fills me with holiday spirit already...

And something to read by Neil Gaiman, if you have some spare time and are a fan of both Sherlock Holmes and H.P. Lovecraft (I really enjoyed Gaiman's short story collection Smoke and Mirrors, which includes at least one story based on Lovecraftian themes).

Dem bones. And some stones.

Don't you just love getting older? My son has the right idea. He says that when he grows up he's going to get smaller and become a baby again. Little kid logic is great...

Yesterday my husband woke up with a terrible pain in his back and abdomen. Having experienced that same feeling not once but *twice* before I knew pretty much what the problem was - a kidney stone. And I knew it was just going to get worse. So, I got dressed and took my son to school while my husband called and made an appointment with his doctor. I called work and left messages saying I was going to be late, but they should probably plan on me not being there at all. I drove my husband (in extreme, intense pain) to see his doctor. Once there, it took about five seconds for the doctor to evaluate him and announce that he probably did have a kidney stone. So then I drove him to the emergency room of the smaller of the two local hospitals so that he could be admitted for treatment. I sat and waited in reception and passed the time by watching crazy people argue with nurses and interns while my husband was processed in and was given a CT scan. It was at least an hour before I was allowed to go back and sit with him and wait for the results of the scan to confirm what was pretty much a foregone conclusion. In the meantime, a nurse came through and gave him a painkiller and a bag of saline to hasten stone passage. He got inappropriately loopy and was way too happy for someone in the hospital. We stifled giggles as the man across the room explained to the nurse that he hadn't eaten corn in years, and didn't eat shelled nuts (I don't even know if this information was apropos of anything the nurse had been asking) - and then he promptly ordered a cheeseburger from the cafeteria. My husband and I hadn't eaten all day, so all of the talk of the cheeseburger made us very hungry (even if the idea of hospital food is kind of repulsive). The nurse came back and confirmed a kidney stone, prescribed painkillers, told my husband to drink a lot of water, and discharged him. The kidney stone is too small to bother trying to remove, so they just want him to try and pass it. Which should be an enjoyable experience.

So remember kids - when you get old, your body will probably start to turn against you. Get it before it gets you.

I can has mammoth?

Nom nom nom...

In a van. Down by the river.

Have you ever had one of those days where you sit at work and wish they'd just go ahead and fire you, just to put an end to the aggravation? That's me today. I sit here and do twice the work my predocessor did, for signifigantly less money, and all I get is shit and more work and bad skin and a lot of stress. I don't want all of this. I don't get paid to deal with all of this. I'm tired. I want to get away. But there are no prospects for that this year, so I guess I slog it out as best I can and just dream of...something. Anything. I constantly feel like a fox chasing its own tail. I compare what I do all day to juggling chainsaws while balancing on a tightrope over a pit full of angry, rabid bears -- one false move and either you lose an arm or you lose the rope. Either way...you're screwed.

Things seem to be going fairly well at home, though, so it balances out I suppose. We're doing my son's room, and it's slow going - as usual. No project is ever as simple as we think it is, and they tend to drag out for much longer than we plan for. So the house is in total disarray, and I've given up on fighting it for now.

Complacency...it's the new angst!