I lovded you, harpsichord...I looovded you...

Actual statement by a male college student walking down the sidewalk with a female college student (overheard yesterday when I was leaving work):
"I'll take the harpsichord places it's never been before."

I think that's illegal in about a dozen states and a couple of US territories. But, if he wants to have an adult, consenting relationship with his keyboard instrument, then who am I to judge?

The following is based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed.

Panda watch. The mood is tense...

I'm sure most people have already seen this video of CNN anchor Kyra Phillips being embarassed by an open mic in the loo during a broadcast of the president's recent adress on the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, but for those who haven't - comedy gold! I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the audio op responsible may be scanning the employment pages right about now...

Cause of death: pineapple tidbits

I work with jerks. Now mind you, not everyone I work with is a jerk, but a lot of them are. It's just one of those things. And I know, I know - they're everywhere. But there's something about being screwed over, and being lied to - directly to your face - and knowing there's absolutely nothing you can do about any of it. I'm not into the politics and game-playing aspect of the job I have now. If I didn't deserve to be promoted after everything I did and took on in the last few months, then someone should have had the balls to tell me. But NO, I am given some line of bs about how they can't reclassify positions right now unless it's justified by a major restructure of the department (this from HR) and they can't possibly pay me more than some other people make (and this dead horse has been beaten to dust in previous posts). And yet I find out today what I've suspected for a while - the not very dearly departed boss approved a reclassification for another member of the support staff in another office in my division. A major one, in fact. This would have been a jump from a mid-level clerical position to a mid-level professional administration position. Because the person has what, boys and girls? That's right - a Master's degree. Maybe the director of that department should not have hired a person with such an advanced degree for an almost-entry level clerical job that involves filling out forms and answering phones? But that would make too much sense. Nope. They'll hire the ivy-leaguer and justify a reclassification based on the fact that their employee is actually over-qualified for the job they were hired to do, and as such the job should be adjusted to fit their level of education.

I'm drawing a blank as to what lesson I should be taking away from this experience. And my sense of justice has been so damaged by my time here that it may have just pushed me over the edge. I'm totally into being nefarious from this point forward. I'm working on my anti-hero persona and secretly sewing my awesome villainess costume during my lunch breaks (hint: it's black and has a cape - with sequins!). So just try and stop me...

And a hubba hubba to you, good sir.

Gearing up to the new season of BSG (and those of you who know me know how crazy I am about this show!) I decided to check up on the developments at the Scifi Network website. And what did I find? Jamie Bamber! Getting fitted for his "fat suit" for season three. But check out that accent! The sexy just accelerated through the freaking stratosphere!!

Tropical storm force confusion

Damn it's crowded today. First day of classes. Lines out the door for parking and tuition, lots of lost little freshman lambs milling about aimlessly. And the endless questions. But it hasn't been too bad so far - they brought back the soda shack, but sadly, no ice cream. Plus, it seems hurricane Ernesto isn't bearing straight for us like we thought all weekend. Which is good, 'cause as much as I'd like to see the mad scramble to evacuate our new throng of underage-drinking-hard-partying residence hall inhabitants, I have windows to be put in and a hurricane just wouldn't be convenient right now. And I'm feeling good, since I don't have much going on at work.

And, just because I need some reason to post this...wait - I'm posting this. I don't really need a reason. So. Nevermind.

*chuckle*

What is the sound of a show with no talent?

:::::::: Crickets ::::::::

So, according to various sources floating around the internet this week, SNL alums Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Keenan Thompson may be on the outs. And according to TV Guide, Maya Rudloph may leave the show voluntarily. You bitches! So who does that leave on the cast that is even remotely funny? Will Forte? Dear. God. Please either get some real sketch comedians and freaking brilliant writers, or put this show out of it's misery already. It really hasn't been funny in, well, years. It's pretty sad when the only time Andy Samberg can make me laugh is when he's dressed up as the Swedish Chef selling "bork bork herdy gerdy" ringtones.

Which one is the real Donatella? Only Elton John knows for sure...

The other white meat?

Apparently some ancient Aztecs ritually slaughtered and consumed their invading opressors, instead of submitting to or worshipping them as previously believed. I say good for them. If there had been more of that there might have been a little less of that empirial conquering and opressing nonsense with all the pillaging, enslavement and small pox and whatnot. All I want to know is, do conquistadors taste like hufu?

That was the sound of me giving up and leaving

Blaeh. So I'm still a little under the weather. And also wholly unmotivated. I did almost everything on my to-do list (you know how much I love my lists) for the day this morning. Except one thing. But that will wait until tomorrow. So whatever. *UPDATE* That thing I didn't do yesterday also went undone today. And the world didn't implode, and the sun will still rise tomorrow. At least, I'm pretty sure it will. Don't hold it against me if it doesn't, though...
And there's something afoot over at the ASC. I have the funny feeling that whatever it is will only cause me to feel more disgruntled. Won't you people please think of what you're doing to the morale? And by "the" I mean my morale, of course.
I had a decent weekend. Was busy and productive on Friday: dropped my son off at school; went in to work for two hours during my personal day; went home and cleaned up the house - as in moved some boxes, did dishes, vacuumed, bathed the smelly dog (and managed to avoid a mauling, thank-you-muchly!), did some laundry, AND finished packing; went to the bank to make a deposit; put gas in my car; got a haircut; and picked up my son at school and then drove across the Skyway to watch my youngest sister so that my parents could go away for the weekend for their 20th anniversary. And then I spent all weekend watching tv, sleeping, and eating my parents' food - and I finally finished a book I've been struggling through for weeks.

But anyway - that was not the main point of my post today. I wanted to post two websites that host rather nifty webcams. The first is for San Francisco's Monterey Bay Aquarium. They have seven different cams available, including a view of the bay itself. The second is a view of the famous Abbey Road in London, outside of Abbey Road Studios. If you have to ask why...just don't ask.

Shallow's the new deep, haven't you heard?

Taken directly from TV Guide's website: In what will be their sixth collaboration, Tim Burton will direct Johnny Depp in a film adaptation of the Stephen Sondheim musical Sweney Todd, about a murderous 19th-century barber who seeks revenge over his wrongful imprisonment. Depp, says a DreamWorks spokesperson, is expected to do his own singing.
Oh joy! Cause the sea shanties weren't enough...
Annnddd - ER's Eriq La Salle is exec-producing The Four Next Door, an NBC comedy project in which the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrive 10 years too early, and are forced to blend in among humans. Soooo - it will star Ashton Kutcher, Ryan Seacrest, Carson Daly and P. Diddy, right? Right?? Oh, well...even if that dream casting doesn't happen it still looks promising. Of course, this coming from a person who's all ga-ga over reruns of Dead Like Me on Tuesday nights on Scifi. What can I say - I've got a thing for the grim reaper.

Oh, and I've seen way too many stories this week about how Britney Spears now says her second "oops" was an accident. So - that first one was all planned out? Riiight. Yawn. If they were living in a trailer already like normal rednecks, this wouldn't be in the news. And gaining 40 pounds in pregnancy is not good for you, my little white trash princess. She needs a nutritionist, birth control and a good divorce lawyer. STAT!
Somehow I imagine the scene thusly:
Interior scene: A bedroom - two figures seated on a large four poster bed with satin sheets and covered in cheeto crumbs. Cletus has just handed Brandine Britney a love note handwritten in crayon and smeared with chocolate smudges.
Brandine Britney: Cletus what does that say?
Cletus: That? That says, um, I loves you meal ticket, I mean, Brandine Britney.
Brandine Britney: Oh Cletus, tonight you can knock me up again.

Meh. Just meh.

I'm sick today. I don't get that sick too often, but when I do it's usually a wicked bad head cold (wow...I'm from New Hampshire all of a sudden..."wicked bad", uh huh). Who gets a head cold in the middle of summer? I just hope this doesn't turn into bronchitis again. Yuck.

My Mom read my blog (yes, M, my whole blog), and she seemed to enjoy it. That's encouraging. So now I know I at least have two blog enthusiasts reading my ranty bits posted here. It seems pretty geeky to admit that your Mom reads your blog, but it's nice to know I'm not typing just to see myself type, ya know?

Since I won't be at work today, I've just got to wish M a safe trip to New York City. Have a funderful time with Katie and do all of the silly touristy things like stand and point at all the mega-tall buildings and complain about the homeless people. But seriously - I hope you get to do all the things you guys have planned, and if you see any famous people take their picture! They love that! And when you get back it's SoaP party time!!

Like a stupid seeking missile

Apparently, according to a study done by Men's Health magazine , I live in the second angriest city in the US. A good thing I'm not a man and I don't live in Orlando, I suppose, or else I'd probably truly be a walking heart attack in the making...
On a (sort of) related note and to continue the theme from a previous post, my boss - who will be leaving very soon, but really not soon enough for me - gave me a lecture in front of one of my co-workers yesterday. He still says I should be grateful for the five percent increase he's bestowing upon me (which he refers to as a raise, even though our company doesn't give merit increases - it's actually an equity increase to compensate me for the various new duties I've taken on that has caused my job to become more of an Administrative Assistant role, which, if we were able to reclassify right now, would have actually cost him MORE than what I was even asking...but I digress). And he expects that the person who will be appointed in his place will require even more work out of me. And of course he continued to compare my position and my salary with those in positions a pay grade below (with less responsibility and a lower salary) and several pay grades above (which require a Master's degree, which my position does not). The insanity. Then, later, he told me not to pout. What am I, five? I wasn't pouting. It's called being bitter. And I'm good at it. Can't ya tell??

On the rocks

Heh. Well. Apparently, my skills and services are worth 5%, versus the 15% I had thought we were agreed upon. And apparently I am supposed to be grateful to been seen as having so little value. I like how he compared my salary with those of people in a pay grade below, and a couple pay grades above, in the administrative tier - which is inappropriate to say the least, at least compare my salary to that of people in the same pay grade to decide what's equitable on that basis. It's called a pay range for a reason. So what if someone has a Master's Degree and can only be paid a "measly" $30,000 a year and giving me the 15% would cause me to surpass several Coordinators in pay. I was only asking because my job has changed so drastically and I would never ask for more than I feel I'm worth. I was given advice to put in my notice, but I refuse to give someone the satisfaction of running me out. Especially if that someone is only weeks away from leaving themselves, and is one of the main reasons why sometimes I detest my job. And no one should ever - and I mean EVER - think that they can lie to my face and think I won't find out. So, I'll take that 5%, and the 3% across the board in October (that all of the full-time staff gets, so don't be condescending to me and treat me like you're generously giving me that in addition), and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. This is not over. And GOD I need a drink.

Friday night's all right for posting

One of the most anticipated - and over-hyped - movies of recent memory comes to a theater near you (and me) in exactly a week. And I will be seeing this cult-classic in the making. Because it's so bad it's good! So, in tribute of that I present... Snakes on a Plan, the crappy internet Flash game!
Update time: Megan and I saw SoaP in a nearly empty theater on Tuesday. Totally the best bad movie I've seen in a while. The cornball was strong with this one. The snake cgi was sooo bad! Best lines - "Time is tissue" and "This shit is bananas". Best scene - it's a toss-up between the horny chick getting fanged in the ta-ta or the unpleasant British guy getting swallowed by the python. Although, Megan and I were rather upset that both the cat and the little yappy dog became snake snacks. Bonus: I've never heard of the band that made the video that played over the credits, and personally I find the song itself to be retarded as hell, but Megan thought the guy with the longish hair was attractive, so here's the video: Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) by Cobra Starship (and as noted by Nathaniel on I Guess I'm Floating, the blonde DOES look like Parker Posey - I was thinking the same thing while watching it the first time - how uncanny!).
(Apologies to whoever created the SoaP image posted here that I ripped off from Fark.com and who I cannot give proper credit to. I suck.)

It's really late, so I'll be getting to bed - but I'll post a couple of blog links before the delirium sets in.

Stumbled across The Impulsive Buy blog recently - it makes me giggle and my tummy growl all at the same time. Bring me Tastycakes!!

The Best Week Ever blog. Because I LOVE IT. So there.

The Generator Blog. It's an image generator site. Use it for your MySpace. Or your LiveJournal. Or your Xanga. Or...your eleventyhundred other blogs.

Motivational. Tool.

Well that clears things up - today we all had a meeting with the big cheese's head cheese that basically amounted to "Sooo...we know he's leaving, we don't know who will be in his place, or when, and it's not the best time for this with all of the big things going on and all, so, uh, hang in there..." so that totally inspires confidence in my leaders' leaders. I see now what an epidemic problem this is. Oh, and to touch on the vague and sort of cryptic thing I said about our co-worker's coffee pot earlier today, she's leaving in a month. Just told her boss yesterday. So we've jettisoned three dead weights in the span of two weeks. I say drinks are in order...
But, lets move on, shall we? Ah, speaking of robots - according to TV Guide.com, as Sci Fi Channel's Battlestar Galactica prepares for the October debut of Season 3 (much anticipated by yours truly), they will air a one-hour special titled Battlestar Galactica: The Story So Far, which recaps the past two years in the Human/Cylon struggle. It will begin airing August 13 on NBC's West Coast satellite feed. Subsequent broadcasts are planned on USA Network, Universal HD, Sleuth, Bravo, SciFi.com's Pulse broadband network and then finally on Sci Fi on October 6th. And according to Variety magazine, Brett Ratner (director of X-Men: The Last Stand) will direct a contemporized remake of the 1978 thriller The Boys from Brazil, which is, of course, based on the book by Ira Levin.

News to make someone's day

After a very, very long hiatus, The Killers are finally releasing their sophomore album, titled Sam's Town, due in stores on October 3rd. The first single has started to get some radio airplay, although I thought it wouldn't be released until mid-September. I heard it on our local "alternative" station during my drive home today. After hearing it again via their MySpace page, the song is really going to have to grow on me, and I hope this isn't what the record execs thought was the best song on the album. Mr. Brightside this definitely is not...
In other Brandon Flowers news, apparently marriage and a long break between albums has caused him to rethink his little indie-band tiff with Panic! At the Disco, Fallout Boy, and The Bravery. I mean, thank god, people! We don't need another musical rivalry reminiscent of the east-coast/west-coast rap fued that cost us the genius of Biggie and Tupac. In fact, their beef is so yesterday's news that The Killers are even set to tour with Panic! for some upcoming shows in promotion of the new album. More info about the band is available on their official website and via Island Records. And some more info on the new album via NME (with accompanying pic of Brandon's new "look" - who told him that 'stache looked good, & what the hell happened to the eyeliner???).

{see photo posted here for pink-leather jacket hotness of days past...*sigh*}

File under: wish fulfillment

Two items of note this afternoon:
1) The big cheese did indeed get his new gig, and his last day is the last day of the month. The only question that remains is - who do we get in his place? Will they be better, or (gods help us all) much, much worse? Time to consult the all-knowing, all-seeing ouija...
2) I have decided to see the doctor about possibly getting a prescription for anti-anxiety medication. I'm just a bundle of stress, and I don't really enjoy feeling tired and sick from being this tense all the time. Hey, nevermind. I think I found the problem. See #1 just above this.

Gift-card-a-palooza

Our window contractor doesn't have the sliding glass door in stock that he thought he did and will have to order it. So, as a way of making it up to us, he dropped off some gift cards for Bonefish Grill. We figured, oh fifty bucks. Nope. TWO HUNDRED dollars worth of gift cards. Add to that the forty-five dollars worth I already had for the same restaurant. So maybe we'll have a party after the windows are put in and invite everyone we know. Or, we'll be selfish and use them on ourselves over a long period of time. A good thing they're good for Carrabba's and Outback, too. Speaking of restaurants - we decided to go to dinner this weekend. We started off at Romano's Macaroni Grille by Tyrone Mall (again, because I had a gift card!), but it was an hour and twenty minute wait! Sorry, but no food is worth that long of a wait when you're already famished. Plus, we had a four year old with us. So that was out. We ended up at Cody's, which was good. I ate so much of the appetizer, bread, and the sweet potato I ordered on the side that I didn't have room for my actual meal and had to take it home. Their Rumrunners are awesome, if a bit weak (but, that just meant I could have two instead of one). Yesterday evening we decided to go out for ice cream (the power of suggestion from watching Feasting on Asphalt with Alton Brown...), and since we'd never actually been to Coldstone Creamery, wanted to give them a try. The place was packed - the line went out the door. And as my husband and I stood there watching the line slowly progress, and the runny, not too appetizing looking ice cream that people were leaving with - and kind of expensive with a limited choice of actual ice cream flavors on the menu board (yeah, I know- they're more about the mix-ins...) - we decided that the one dollar cones at McDonalds across the street were looking pretty damn good. So that's what we did. And it was good.

A Million Ways

That's how many ways Ok Go rocks. Okay - that was lame. Sorry.
Check out their new video, once again featuring a well-choreographed dance number, but also using treadmills. This song reminds me a little of Hot Hot Heat, but this must have taken some practice and planning. Which is why we love them so much. They're fun and genuinely seem to enjoy their fans. 'Scuse me while I go browse around to see if they're coming back to town anytime soon.



Hugs to Megan for bringing this to my attention today - I hadn't checked my e-mail in a couple of days and didn't realize the newsletter had been sent out.

Homicidal rage is all the rage

Dear Person Who Used Heavy-Duty Staples On These Reports I Have to Shred:

I have to spend way too much time today removing those heavy-duty staples from each small stack of ten year old fiscal reports and I feel the urge to hunt you down and beat you senseless with a heavy duty stapler.

Have a lovely day!!




Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Office Ninja Assassin

Weapons of mass distraction

More of my favorite things. Tonight's secret ingredient: gossip!
Because Americans have so much leisure time and so little self-esteem, celebrity watching will be an Olympic sport by 2016. You read it here first...

Now, I'm only gonna tell ya once, some of these links contain content that *may* be of the not safe for work variety. Disclaimer is purely the opinion of the blogger and does not necessarily reflect the views of the reader.

• You can read about Colin Farrell's mojito undoing and more celebrities acting like normal people (gasp!!) at A Socialites Life!! And more of the same at I Don't Like You In That Way!
• When famous people can't dress themselves - Go Fug Yourself is there!
• The randomness of Just Jared .
• That special brand of snarkiness that is Pink Is The New Blog (and the ads are real-l-ly NSFW, beware!!).
• And Megan's gossip spot of choice (and I kinda like it, too), Egotastic.
  
  Now I ask you - why does every photo of Lindsay Lohan these days seem to show her wearing nothing but a very skimpy bathing suit? In every conceivable situation - attending birthday parties...walking down the street...boxing. Has she developed a dreadful and life-threatening allergy to actual clothing?

No Loafing

This one's for Megan...
"Productivity is down something-eight percent..."

Lots of chatting & venting, so that's something. Not quite work, but certainly something. Lots of projects for the next few days. Maybe lunch with the office co-conspirators tomorrow, and lunch with the ex-boss for sure on friday. Maybe productivity will be up beginning tomorrow. Or. Maybe not.

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."