Duality

I'm caught between two parts of myself: the part that feels the full weight of my obligations and the gravity of my situation as an adult with a family that I need to take care of, and the part that wants a change...the part that, if it could convince the rational centers of my brain to play along, would happily walk into the management offices tomorrow shooting double birdies, so to speak. I'm becoming impatient for the next step, for that golden opportunity to present itself, and it is causing me to be fraught with impatience and anxiety. I see my workload increasing by leaps and bounds - and to make matters worse, there is no consistancy to the levels of work: the projects and tasks are either decidedly clerical (scheduling meetings and filing my managers paperwork, ffs) or the type of work that people well above my level are doing. Instead of feeling like I can have an open dialogue, attempts to broach the topic of getting a better sense of just what my role is are met with "You should feel lucky to have a job", or "We just gave you an increase, what's the problem?", or are, on occassion, outright ignored. This is leading to a certain level of frustration, and my willingness to continue to be understanding of the situation is decreasing at a accelerating pace, along with my motivation and my drive to make any effort whatsoever.

I've started compiling the resources that will come in handy during the upcoming first wave of a very intense networking blitz. I'm thrilled by the prospect of seeing if I get any responses, and at the same time there's an almost overwhelming sense of near terror. What if I get nothing back? Will that mean I'm less marketable than I thought? Less employable, even? Then, of course, there's the fact that I'm really bad at dealing with change. I've lived in the same house, in the same town, for the majority of my life. This is what is known to me - it is comfortable and safe. It is, at the same time, stagnant and camplacent. Here I am, at age 32, with a decent (if aggravating) job that I could easily just coast in practically forver, it feels like, a nice little house that we've put some work into (but needs just a little bit more), a stable and fairly happy family life, and some wonderful friends...and I'm stuck at what what feels like either the proverbial crossoroads or a metaphorical precipice. The next step I take determines the course of my future - and that of my family. I have to make an honest assessment of our collective needs, balance them against our individual wants (which are rather extensive and weighty), and compare the potential outcome scenarios against the prevailing realities of the choices available.

So. My question is - what would YOU do, if you were me (or, better yet if it were YOU)? Take that first step on the easy path you've walked a hundred times, or risk the heart-stopping freefall off the cliff to whatever awaits?

cacaphony!

I never watch Good Morning America & this morning I'm remided why...you've got Al Roker shouting, people blowing whistles, Willard Scott being rambly and strange, and some of the most banal and pointless fluff stories ever to air on a morning "news" program. And, hey, Today show has David Duchovny on.

Okay, so I turned it back over to GMA in time for their pet adoption segment. At the end of the piece, one of the dogs got a little bit...over excited. I'm sure you can guess what the result was. Good for a cheap laugh, at least.

Say what now?

My boss was on vacation last week, so I was the proxy. Which means, I worked for my supervisor's boss, who - how do I put this diplomatically? - has severe leadership issues. My eyes have really been opened to what passes for "management" over there, and I have a deeper understanding of the root of their problems. And there are so many problems.
Well, today the boss is back and I was greeted this afternoon to a phone call stating that something I was asked to do in my boss's place (because she was supposed to have done it before going on her trip, and I was asked to take care of it by her boss, you see), was the wrong course of action & created more issues than it solved, and I basically should've waited. So...I guess I should have thrown my hands in the air and said "Oh, gee, my boss isn't here to tell me what the right thing to do might be, so we should wait for her to come back so I can check with her"? That would've gotten me really far with the muckety-mucks telling me to go ahead and do what they were requesting, wouldn't it? And then she sends an email around reiterating what she said on the phone. Hey, welcome back, yay! (Booooo.) Basically, I can't win for losing no matter what. Awesome.

On the homefront, the Marshamallow Incident has created in my son an unusual phobia. He's now afraid of choking on his food. Somehow, he has convinced himself that he has to take microscopic bites and chew the food until it is basically liquified. Then, he's almost afraid of swallowing the food in his mouth. This is causing an intense amount of aggravation for both my husband and my son - my husband because he doesn't understand the fear an overly sensitive kid might develop after being told that they almost died because of food and the fact that it now takes three times as long for the boy to finish a meal, and my son because he thinks his dad is angry with him for something that he has deemed (in typical seven-year-old logic) to be perfectly within reason. And I get to play referee. I want to take my son's side, and if this continues I'd really think about therapy...but my husband thinks that this is something that can be solved by "talking sense" into the kid and punishing him by taking away toys and free time, so I don't know that he'd respond very agreeably to the suggestion of any kind of outside involvement.
Hopefully, barring any additional negative experiences, my son will get past this, and we can get back to our version of narmal. Which isn't everyone else's normal, but it suits me just fine.

Kanye West likes fish sticks

Awesome:

Awesomer:

AWESOMEIST!

The Sun:

It's a mass. Of incandescent gas.