Eff. Why? I...

Dear M ~ Thanks for the magazine. We'll have to take a few minutes so you can tell me all about your day yesterday.

This is my mantra this morning..."If he gives her the job I think I'll go berzerk. If he gives her the job I think I'll go berzerk." Repeat endlessly while attempting to reach the point of zen. Fail miserably at being serene. UPDATE, ya'll: She failed the typing test. So the job was offered to someone more qualified. There is justice in the world, after all. Our new co-worker (who we'll all meet in a couple of weeks) can type over 100 words per minute with 100 percent accuracy. She's a machine!!! I hope she's nice, though. I would hate to get on the bad side of an administrative support robot. Have you ever seen the damage one of those things can do when they're angry? Even my powerful office-ninja fu isn't enough to combat that...

The three little sentences that will get you through life, courtesy of Homer J. Simpson, in his infinite wisdom. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: oh, good idea boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

I feel obligated to put something interesting in this post, other than the mindless minutae of my daily existance. Lets see what I can find...Well, for starters, it's Wednesday. You know what that means. Surely you have not forgotten. Lost. I told someone yesterday that I don't care how convoluted the plot lines get and how long they drag things out. My mom had Twin Peaks. I have Lost. I'm with it 'til they cancel it. Even if I totally hate it by then...as long as there are no backwards talking dwarves at that point. Some things I'm not digging, though: Jack is the new Jesus? That's just ridiculous. How is it that Rose's cancer is gone, Locke can walk, Sun can get pregnant - all because of the miraculous curative powers of The Island™. But Henry/Ben develops a tumor, and the others can't bear children (thus their inclination to spirit away the youngest survivors of the crash and the attempt to take Claire's baby). So - the "good" people are healed and the "bad" people are stricken? Another one of the many good vs. evil parallels. I could just go on and on about it. But I won't. Anyway, tonight's episode is supposed to be pretty good (don't click the link if you don't like teasers/spoilers - or if you just don't care!).

An interview with Tori Amos. She just released a five CD box set.

James Cameron is not an archaeologist. He is most certainly an attention whore, and his best film was the first Terminator movie.

"Meow be back"

However, that won't keep me from watching the program on the Discovery Channel this Sunday. This is also a main story on National Geographic's website. Did somebody say Jehovah?

Oi. Wot issshhh.

Guess what. That pain in my ass is back. You know - the one that's been gone for two weeks. Color me unenthused. I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning. But somehow I worked up the will to get dressed and come to work. Candidates for the boss's job will be around this week and the next. In recognition of that fact, this bit from Overheard reminds me of my old boss (just change mouse clicking to pen clicking aaannnd Presto!):
Boss to new receptionist: These are some of the noises I make that will annoy you. This is my mouse clicking. This is me kicking the desk in front of me. This is my chair squeaking. Oh, and sometimes I just say 'shit,' like I have Tourette's. Receptionist: Okay... [They go back to work.] Boss: Shit.

Snapple "real fact" of the day: a ball of glass will bounce higher than a ball of rubber. Even though I'm a little dubious of the realness of these supposed "facts" (and despite the disclaimer on their website), Snapple mango green tea is super good. So is the nectarine white tea. And half the calories of a bottle of soda, plus Antioxidants! Since I don't do ads here, that is not a shameless plug. But if a case of Snapple shows up at my door, I certainly won't send it back...

This from a story I read online today: "Walgreens is opening one store every 18 hours across the country". And then a CVS opens either right next door or across the street within a month. I don't even want to think about how many Starbucks there are within 15 miles of my office.

Before I forget - obligatory mention of the Oscars. Not because I care about the Oscars. Or any of the self-obsessed celebrity types in attendance. Nope. Just for no other reason than it's freaking everywhere today. First, I have very little desire to see most of the films that were nominated and less inclination to see those that won. I have Little Miss Sunshine sitting on a shelf at home, but have yet to watch it, and I will be buying Children of Men as soon as it comes out on DVD. As for the rest - pffff, whatevs. Second, some of the ladies looked great. Some did not. Either way, most of their dresses probably cost more than my whole family is worth. Third, Jennifer Hudson makes Beyonce look like a skinny little twig. But that's okay - nothing wrong with that at all. It's good to see one of us "more to love" kind of girls getting her due. And fourth, who the hell invited Ed Begley Jr. to the Oscars?!

I swear, they'll let anybody into these things...

Apples and spares.

Went and saw some of my mom's extended family for a little bit this afternoon - aunts, uncles and various cousins, either living here or visiting from PA. Isn't it funny how after you don't see someone for a considerable span of time you notice that sometimes people may age, but they don't really change. And it's not a Haswell family to-do unless there's a relish tray and a serious card game. I'm probably one of the few who doesn't really enjoy pickles and pepperchinis. I also don't really play games, either. But I'm sure as hell shaped like a Haswell.

SNL was cute last night. They brought back the Nunni's! The opening skit just reminded me of how I wish The Office wasn't on hiatus for six whole weeks. How will I ever survive it? And since I've switched topics, let me just say - what was with Roy's fit in the bar when Pam told him about the thing with Jim? Rage, much? Looks like somebody maybe needs to join Andy in anger management. Okay. Back to SNL... A note to Arcade Fire: You guys have way too much going on. It was all very distracting. Violin, keyboard, xylophone, multiple vocalists?! It just ends up sounding like random noise with no musical focus. And to me that stinks of an act with very little skill. They were all "look at us, we're playing atypical instruments - but because there are so many of us, you can't really tell if we play them well at all....!!"

M - Snow Patrol will be the musical guest in two weeks, then the week after that we see them live. Ready?

The Oscars are on? *Yawn* No thanks. I'll pass...BSG tonight - I hope it's a new episode, but I want more Apollo/Starbuck. Enough Callie/Tyrol already. I'm over it.

Dwight: Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
Party guest: No.
Dwight: No? Then you’re an idiot.

Bed Pan of Choice

Editor's Note: This blog has nothing whatsoever to do with bed pans. I know I usually try to tie the title in with the actual content, and this is a little more random than normal (it sets the tone, though, you'll see). It's just that I was listening to "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim just now, and this popped into my head. Shall we continue? Very well, then --

I just read a story about my son's favorite shoe brand, Heelys, getting banned at some malls. Now if we could only succeed in banning malls. A united front, people. That's all it would take.

I have a new favorite term for those mandatory work "lunch meetings", courtesy of UrbanDictionary:
hostage lunch
Meal purchased by the company, often pizza, and delivered for employees who bosses require them to attend a meeting or work over their lunch hour.
"I was planning on running some errands over my lunch hour, but the VP is keeping us in a meeting. At least he ordered us hostage lunch."
As we'd say in the halcyon days of my tortured adolescence...TRUE! Hey - it was the early '90's after all... The only thing worse than lunch meetings would be the mandatory lunch-time meetings sans mealage. Or, worse yet - being held hostage at your desk and working through your lunch break while famished because everyone else makes more money/has more education/just doesn't give a care and all walked out the door for lunch, and you're left being the team player stuck trying to keep the wheel greased. I know that M is feeling me on that one.

Speaking of my adolesence. This will take you back. Well, only if you're a product of the '80's like I am. But be patient - it will also take half an hour of your life...

I had episodes of She-Ra on VHS back in the day. But this clip is conspicuously missing a few of my other favorites - like Monchichis, Ewoks and Gummi Bears. And most notably: Thundercats (hooooo!). Sweet jesus. It's a miracle I'm not a freaking Furry.

But, this. THIS was the stuff...


I had Popples rollerskates!


Whatever happened to Saturday morning cartoons? I remember settling down with my giant bowl of cereal (the frostier or cocoa-y the better, damn it!) to a whole morning's worth of this glorious drivel. Not to mention the programming I could look forward to warping my brain after a hard day of Florida public school learnin'. But the crap they have on these days. Most of it isn't even cartoons! And it makes my childhood gems seem like sheer artisitc genius by comparison. I mean, have you seen the original programming on the Cartoon Network lately? Those cartoons are terrible times infinity. As opposed to the stuff I watched, which was just mildly terrible. And we walked two miles to school. Uphill. In the snow. Barefoot. And we liked it!
...Never gets old, that joke. Comedy. Gold.

Some things just aren't funny. Seriously.

Last night as I was turning off lights and locking up I heard a guy getting on the elevator say something flip about Night of the Long Knives, and then mention Kristallnacht. And then he laughed. How is that funny? What the hell is wrong with people? Can someone tell me how we have gotten to the place where well educated young Americans (so many of whom, although taught the history and relevance of these past events, are so out of touch with the reality of how easily such a progrom can be introduced and propogated by an agency, organization, and even a government) can make light of such things? I read reports all the time that the Southeast is rife with anti-semitism and hate groups. But I really never thought I'd witness something so incredibly blatant and ignorant just outside the door of my office.
Now, blatant ignorance inside of my office...well - that's something different alltogether.

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