*Insert protracted sigh here*

If only I could be paid to babble on about ponies and burble baby-talk to cats...

GERMS!!!

There are now signs on the restroom doors reminding all of the adults who take classes here (not to mention the ones who teach and work here every day) to wash their hands. There are step by step instructions on how to conduct proper handwashing plastered to the mirrors over the sinks. And in case the OCD-afflicted amongst us aren't sure our hands are quite clean enough after multiple applications of self-foaming atibacterial soap, they have installed hand sanitizer dispensers next to the paper towel machines. All in the name of guarding against the spectre of H1N1 influenza. I'm guessing that it's a self-protective measure, so that when someone does, inevitably, develop the sniffles, Helicopter Dad and Extra-Umbilical Mom can't lawyer-up and claim that this place didn't do enough to protect their precious little Suzie Snowflake from the big, bad, virus filled world. In an even more amazing step, the mother-ship has publicly announced that in the event of a flu "pandemic" (which is defined, how, exactly?), all classes will be taken online in a "virtual" campus setting. Which leads me to one question. If it's that freaking simple, what exactly is stopping legitimate online colleges from replacing the traditional brick-and-mortar university experience?

Hey! Have I mentioned it's the first day of school?

Empire waists and getting wasted

I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand.

M: The sangria is fermenting. (I'll have lemonade and unsweet tea in addition) Snacks have been procured. (a variety of veggies and veggie dip, and maybe chips) DVDs are ready for viewing. (I was thinking last night that a John Hughes marathon would be really appropriate, but I'm looking forward to those Victorian-era costumes...men in dusters, rawr!)

I'm going to try and get out of here a little early because we spent more time at the gym yesterday setting up the membership (and chatting with the girl who works there) than I would've liked, and so dinner ran really late, so I didn't have as much time to tidy up as I would've wanted.

I know why the caged bird...um...Tweets.

Since I'm the only person I know *in person* who uses Twitter on a fairly regular basis, I've been asked at least once for a mini tutorial type of thing. There are endless numbers of sites now offering tutorials and "suggestions" on how to use Twitter. I don't think there are any real hard and fast rules or a truly right or wrong way to use it, so this post is just an overview based on how I have come to understand how Twitter works. Personally, I see it more as a marketing tool than as a means of real communication. I don't know if it has longevity, but I'm enjoying the novelty of it right now, at least, and I've made some interesting connections using it. Anything that allows me to internet-stalk some of my favorite authors (and other interesting folks) with their permission can't be all bad, right?

So here we go...

Common functions include:

-The direct reply, which is @username and then your message (keeping in mind that the 140 character limit will include the characters for the @ and the username). In order to respond to another user, always use the @username to begin the post. In replying to something someone esle posted, you can use the reply function (shows as a little arrow icon to the right of any other user's posts).

-The DM (which is a direct message that only you or the person you are sending the DM to can see - the equivalent of private messaging). DMs are limited to 160 characters.

-The "Re-Tweet", which is most often abbreviated as RT - this is reposting a Tweet from someone else. Some people instead of the RT attribute a post to another user by denoting it (via @username) after the body of the post, especially if they are just reposting a link.

-The Delete function. I use this when I misspell or have a grammar SNAFU. It can be done using the trash can icon to the right of the post. You can only delete your posts, not anyone else's.

-The Favorite function. This is the little star next to other people's posts, and if you really like a post, you can save it as a favorite by clicking the star.

-Blocking and Unfollowing. Unfollowing is for those you followed who you thought were interesting and clever at one point, only to discover that it is a fine line between witty and obnoxious. Blocking is for those who fond you but that you don't have any interest in having "follow" your Twitter activity - this list includes profiles solely set up to pitch a product or someone's poorly designed marketing or personal finance website, spammers, and the inevitable pornbots offering "adult content". Sure, all of them add to your follower count, and any new followers that look genuine I'll check out...but anything that indicates "XXX" anything, or seems to be following me based on a random keyword search, or looks like it's just being used to sell someone's attept at marketing the unmarketable, will get blocked.

Other only slightly useful tips:

Unless you want constant updates from all of the profiles that you follow (especially if you choose to follow people who update constantly), turn your mobile device settings off. There are also sites (such as Twittersnooze) that will allow you to temporarily block another user's posts from showing up in your feed for a period of time, instead of depending on an endless unfollow/follow cycle.

With Twitter now the new hot thing among people who like to catch a trend after it has already peaked, there are a million different sites offering various apps and other things to help you use your Twitter account and manage your feed. I don't really use them, myself, but you can find some of these widgets and apps at the bottom of your feed page by clicking the "goodies" link. You can also find some using Google (a couple of the most popular would be TweetDeck and TwitPic), but I say use the unaffiliated sites with some caution.

This is the Fail Whale - what you'll see when Twitter's servers get overwhelmed by the mad crush of marketing-spam, pornbot and fake celebrity profiles:


Questions? Confusion? Just hate the whole concept of Twitter and want to rail against it? Get thee to the comments, then!

Because anger is so effective

My boss just assigned me another project that is "urgent", needs to be done "ASAP" and will interrupt my normal lunch hour, for the second time this week. And now my husband, who I normally go to lunch with, is annoyed. I've explained to him countless times now that with the raise comes even more expectation of responsibility and accountability. He doesn't care. He wants to be angry. So I have to let him go ahead and be unreasonably angry. Of course, this project is basically a ridiculously wasteful re-do of something that was requested of me by my boss earlier in the month - the original request involving poor planning and a missed deadline, and I'm not sure that the way they are trying to do this is very appropriate. But my job is not to speculate about the appropriateness of what I've been asked to do. It is just to do. I was told by my boss today that it is not up to me to have an opinion on what is being asked, just to confirm or deny that it is financially possible. So, basically, I am supposed to keep my yap shut when those around me do everything they can to subvert processes and waste money and generally act like they don't have a brain.