It pays to be prepared

...for any eventual scenario. For example - today while rummaging around in my desk, I came to the realization that if for any reason I should have to take refuge in my office building (say, in the event I am stuck in here during the zombie armageddon) that I have amassed a stockpile of saltines and single-serve coffee creamers that would sustain me for approximately 1.5 days before I'd have to fight the staff of the CEOs office for their Coke and left over orange juice (weapon of choice: letter opener sharpened to a sleek razor's edge and attached bayonette-style to the front of an HR golf umbrella, secured with the picture hanging wire I keep in my desk). Of course, considering that the building two blocks down used to be a military barracks and is encased in a modified Farraday cage (not to mention the subfloor being built like a bunker), I certainly would be making every attempt to be there instead. I'd have to gather the rest of the household from their various points around town, of course. That exact plan of escape is a little more risky, and is in need of a bit of fine-tuning, since the calculated casualty ratio so far seems to be running very high.

These are the things I think about while having to spend all day running reports. This project is boring and monotonous, and when it's done, I get to teach the person making double my salary how to read the reports I've spent two days researching and printing out. I've used a ream of paper, which equals a couple of old-growth trees, I think. So to hell with the ideal of the "paperless" office, and who cares about some damn owls, I suppose.