Everybody gets the gold star

I attended a free breakfast this morning, sponsored by the HR department. The caterer used powdered eggs, but the grits were pretty good, and I (thankfully) missed the multicultural-bingo portion of the program. There's nothing that promotes the concept of "inclusion" more than being told that you're expected to attend the annual event they orchestrate to pretend like they actually attempt to promote a multicultural corporate environment the other 364 days out of the year. If you ever have the time, I'd be happy to share with you the impression given by the priorities of our EEO office. Not to mention that a local newspaper published an article today about how some of the upper management at the main office just got bonuses - in the midst of a supposed budget freeze and continuing budget cuts. One of them got $20,000 when they just laid off about 70 people at the end of the year! WTH!! Yeah. We're all about "higher ethical standards" here, alright.

Thanks to M for driving me around the SRQ, buying me a milkshake and taking me shopping. One of my new shirts is a *tad* too snug, so I guess I'll hang it in the back of my closet until it fits.

Since I need a little reminder about the silver lining hiding under these thunderheads, here are some things coming up that I'm looking forward to:

• Ren Fair with M
• Having most of the end of the month off (will be spending it doing as much cool stuff with my son as possible)
• Family visiting in April
• Possibly - maybe - going to Disneyworld for my birthday. M may be on board (and I love you for letting me rope you into that considering your employment situation, but I'll completely understand if you aren't able to go with us). Anyone else game for stalking Disney characters for photo ops, multiple rides on Pirates of the Carribbean and Teacups 'til you're walking in circles?

Ampersand dollarsign asterisk urinating dog

Things are not going well this week. I think daylight savings time is some kind of massive conspiracy, which made me late for work today. The dog has ANOTHER hematoma. I will not be going to see Seal in April. I had to use almost all of my vacation time to take off the end of the month in order to save myself a hundred bucks and avoid driving my son across town for spring break camp. This morning my boss emailed me a project with a deadline of tomorrow afternoon - knowing full well that I'd planned on being out tomorrow. So now I have to figure out how to get this thing done today.

Considering that it is not even noon on Monday...

The universe can suck it. I mean...Aloha!

Which one of us is Marilyn?

I just had a small meltdown in front of my boss. It is a byproduct of stress and anxiety, and watching other people play their games and somehow reap rewards, and feeling like everything I do is either a waste of time or an effort in futility - or enables someone else to not have to do their job. My new boss is trying to be understanding and supportive and I'm trying to do the best I can to maintain...or, at least appear to maintain...as positive an outlook as possible. I've been trying to project an attitude of "Look, I'm an asset, not a liability, and I'll do whatever you ask just because I'm grateful to have a job", but it feels a little unnatural and the facade of unquestioning compliance is getting harder to keep up as I become more and more aware of how poorly run this place has been and how absurd the priorities of the people running it tend to be. I feel careworn and tired a lot, and that's not a good sign. To put it another way: My mask is cracking, and the miserable countenance beneath is slowly being revealed.


Considering everything I have been asked to do in the last month and a half, and the many directions I feel pulled in on any given day...this business is getting old, that's all. I hit my five year mark this month. To me, five years with a company is the equivalent of the seven year itch. You start to look around and re-evaluate what's going on. You start to wonder about missed opportunities and the greener grass somewhere else. Let me tell you, they know they've got me in a spot because of the "state of the economy", and are going to milk me for every bit of work they can get out of me for what they pay me. It's just a question of my fortitude and how long I'll stand for it. Don't get me wrong - I'm just as grateful as anyone else to have a job right now when so many don't, and the security and the benefits tip the scales in favor me me staying. But for how much longer I just can't be sure. I have promised myself another year to gain some more experience and give the company an opportunity to rebound, and then we'll see where things stand.

Exit, stage left - pursued by angry mob

It's kind of awesome to hear the folks in HR making fun of the pseudo-drama happening in the CEO's suite. The receptionist wanted to go get coffee out of the break room over there, and her manager offered to go along with her for protection. Then one of the reps busted out a Harry Potter reference, saying they needed to invest in an invisibility cloak. Either the CEO's assistant doesn't know that she's allowed herself and this situation she's spawned to become a huge running joke and people are now laughing at her, or she just doesn't care. I'm staying out of that suite as much as possible, not because I might be intimidated by her - I'm not. I just get tired of the lectures from managment who have to waste their time on something so trivial when we've got serious problems with staffing and money. But...the CEO let it happen, and no one is questioning any of it, so I only hope she knows what kind of example she's allowing to be set in her own office. It basically screams: Be as big of a biotch as possible and alienate those around you in order to get a modicum of power if it makes you feel better about yourself while you sacrifice everyone's morale on the sword of your own bitterness. So, no one should be terribly surprised if others begin testing the waters using these ridiculous tactics.

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. ~ Paul Beatty

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

I just got five calls in five minutes from some random phone number (my caller ID says that random caller is someone named Marcus who is a stranger to me). Turns out it was someone from HR trying to let someone know that the cake for the manager's birthday wasn't ready and they're running late. So there will be cake later. Probably the requisite singing of birthday dirges. And I'm under the impression that the HR manager may also entertain the assembled masses with that softshoe and shimmy number that she usually reserves for meetings with the department's VP. It is as not-quite-right as it sounds, believe me...

The dog had her stitches taken out yesterday, and her ear infection is coming back, so I got *more* medication for her. When I ran home to drop her off before picking up my husband from work, I was approached by the homeless guy living in the van parked in the neighbor's yard. He wanted to know if we had any odd jobs he could do (and kept repeating how he would ask a fair price). We're already not crazy about the fact that there is a homeless guy living in a van next door, and the ensuing conversation just reaffirmed my discomfort. He seems to know way too much about what goes on around my house. He asked about the pile of cement in the yard, about the condition of the pool (cold, slightly green and full of pollen, if you must know), about what we were building in the back - so he obviously had been looking through the fence at least on occassion. Not to mention he reeked of beer and every other story was prefaced with "I was in the back listening to my radio, drinking a beer...". He seems like a nice enough man who has been keeping the neighbor's property up pretty well (otherwise it really would look like a complete stye), and we thought he was mostly harmless up until this point. But we're not comfortable with him asking about our business in such a way. He's squatting, and if push came to shove or the situation became really unbearable we'd do something about it. Now at least I know that there's a possibility that someone's peeping into our yard, and I'll be more, um...modest...about wandering out to the laundry room in the early hours of the morning.