Falling down

I'll cut to the chase today. I'm depressed. A series of events have transpired to make me feel in turn useless, ineffectual, clumsy, and excessively emotional. All before the morning coffee had a chance to get cold.

I've had to ride in to work with my husband because my car has a flat tire, so I've been doing the bare minimum as far as makeup and clothes are concerned - throw on whatever I can find in my closet that relatively matches and put on foundation and maybe some blush to keep from looking like a reanimated corpse. Of course, it still feel like a reanimated corpse due to stress, lack of sleep and general feelings of malaise.

I came in all intent to work on the budget project for the upcoming cuts, and ran some numbers just as an initial exercise (this thing isn't due until next week - I'm just trying to stay well ahead of a deadline for a change). Then I called the budget office to bounce my totals off of someone else's brain and found out that we didn't match. So before I went upstairs to see where I was off, I mentioned it to the manager down here about my dicrepancy, because she was headed to a meeting to discuss "streamlining and reassignement". Later I found out she had gone to the boss and told him that my numbers didn't quite add up to the budget mananger's and by what margin, before I even had a chance to correct my totals based on what I found out upstairs and before I could get in to talk to the boss myself. I won't type what I think about this. Actually, I did type it but I backed up and removed it. Lets just say it rhymes with the words "ducking" and "pitch". It was not her place to do that. I don't think she realizes what she's just done to both my professional and personal opinion of her character. And to add to that, when I was talking to the boss (who makes me very uncomfortable - have I ever mentioned that?), he said he'd been talking to the budget manager and they already had a plan in place. Which he had never, up to that point, bothered to share with me. And the budget manager knew they'd talked when I was in her office and didn't mention it either. So. I wasted my morning. Which pisses me off.

So I decided to go for a relaxing walk and try not to feel to aggravated, and I ended up falling down a small flight of stairs outside of my building. It might be funny to me later, but right now I'm sore and embarassed. I ended up with a couple of scrapes on my knees and one of my shins, sore wrists from trying to prevent myself whacking my chin on the sidewalk, and scrapes on the frames of my glasses from where they flew off and landed on the concrete. I guess my heel got caught on something on the middle step. Or I really am that ungainly. Or I threw myself down three low steps in a pathetic attempt to do myself in because life's not worth living. Whatever the case, my day is shot, I'm grumpy as hell, and I have training in half an hour.

If something positive actually happens today, I'll come back and add it in, but so far downhill is the only direction I've been going. Literally.