Realization/Rationalization

Behold the horror...

The horror of the ritual search for a new bathing suit. I finally faced the terror last night because we were going to the beach today, and the suit I had was too skimpy (there wasn't enough fabric to keep my not-so-huge tracts of land under wraps, so to speak). Last night I had to also face the facts and acknowledge a hard truth: I've allowed myself to gain way too much weight. Lets be honest - I'm pretty short. And short people cannot weigh what taller people weigh without inching into zaftig hobbit territory. I've always been a little...I'll say chubby, to put it kindly...since puberty exacted its vengeance on me, and weight-management (and finding off-the-rack clothes that fit - even in what stores label as "petites") has been nothing short of a challenge for almost all of my adult life (ha - short...no pun intended). But last night I finally had to take a hard look at the issue when I tried on a suit on the larger end of the normal sizing spectrum and felt it was a little too snug. So I wandered over to the "women's" sizing section (as tiny and utterly pathetic and uninspiring as it was), and it felt kind of weird, but I decided to try on a couple of the smaller sizes from that area. I'm pretty sure you can see where I'm going with this. Surprise - the size 14/16 "women's" fit better than the 14/16 "average". The bad part, though, is that they didn't have a 14/16 in a style I liked in the top, so I had to get the bottoms in the size I needed, and the top in a larger size (18) - so now I have excess fabric in the torso of my suit. Which has a decided "bun in the oven" look to it. This is not the look I was going for at all.

(I kinda wish they's bring back bathing dresses...but nooo, it's got to be all teensy tiny bikinis everywhere...)

It's frustrating being in a strange sort of retail sizing limbo. Too big for the average but not *quite* chunky enough to truly peruse the racks with the bigger gals. And forget the conversation I had with my husband before heading out on this self-esteem crushing excursion, as I tried (and failed) to explain not only why women's fashions cost more than men's ("just because?"), but also that there is no universal sizing standard. It must be so easy to be a man sometimes..."Hey, my pants have a hole in the crotch. Guess I should buy some pants before I get accused of being some kind of perv. Hey - here are some {checks waist size and pant length}. All done! Doo do do dee doo..."

That all being said, I have decided that I need to do something. I hold no illusions that I will be able to achieve and maintain a super-skinny state. Honestly - that's not for me anyway. (Tried it once...if you ever want to hear the story of how close I probably came to being one of "those girls" - you know, the ones who don't eat and fill the gnawing void with exercise while their bodies self destruct - just ask) I just can't keep ignoring the fact that I really am heavier than I ought to be. It's not just the aesthetics factor, either - this can't be terribly healthy. Since I recently canceled the expensive gym membership I wasn't using, and I've been finding myself snacking again for no apparent reason, here is the plan: two walking breaks during the working day of at least 10 minutes; increase in fresh fruits and veggies consumed daily; decrease in meats and pre-packaged foods; no soda - water (maybe a Fuze "slenderize" if I need something with flavor, but no soda); family walks in the evening around the lake or the park. I will need help sticking to some of this. Okay...sticking to most of it. I'm lazy and totally unmotivated much of the time. That's just the plain truth. I may discuss my successes or failures here, but I don't plan on replacing my normal urbane, pithy, ranting, pointless and shallow content with anything approaching a "diet blog", so don't worry about that.

But back to the point of the whole terrible and gut-wrenching experience last night. Now I have a bathing suit that kind of, but not really, fits. At least it more than adequately covers my seemingly ever increasing mass. I wore it to the beach. We had fun - it was a beautiful day.

This is what the nation's #1 rated beach looks like

A little windy, just like this same time last year. But it was more crowded, being Spring Break and all, plus with all of the late season snowbirds and Europeans. You can tell the tourists from people who have lived here for a period of time, because we're the ones mincing our way into the surf muttering "Oooohhh....cold. Cold! Ah! Cold..." the whole time. Once you get in though, it feels pretty good. Just remember the "stingray shuffle". We all got pretty burned, which is typical for the inaugural trip to the beach, even though I made everyone slather on the sunscreen. I guess it would've helped to remember to reapply. A least two of us will turn a decent shade of bronze, but the other one doesn't ever seem to be able to accomplish anything more than a serious farmer's tan. I just hope we don't all peel...that shite is just nasty.

Sunday is my son's birthday. It is officially his "big kid" milestone, at least in his mind. It'll be a pretty low-key get together, which is how we like to do parties. Just your typical cake, ice cream, burnt meats and malted hops kind of to-do.

Battle Star Galactica is on. This means I gotta go bask in the glory of Jamie Bamber. Damn...where's that towel pic?

Yeah, it's barely SFW ;)