Me Myself and I

A funny thing, to be in a group and feel set apart, and a little lonely. And then to go home and curl up on the sofa with a purring cat and a sleepy dog and feel a sense of total belonging. And to feel as if in order to spend time with your spouse it requires spending time in other people's company, because in some way your companionship isn't quite enough...I really was not looking to spend the last days of a very frustrating year feeling so sad and utterly unsure if my place in my own damn life.

Memories & Photographs

Last Saturday, M and I ventured out to see Jonathan Coulton perform for the second time. It was a grand night out, starting with drinks (sadly overpriced!) and sushi (worth the money). The show was lively and full of energy, and as a bonus, Jonathan and John Roderick and the band came out to the merch table afterward to sign autographs and dispense hugs and take photos. That's what I love about that particular venue - it is so small, the bands that play there are usually interactive, which makes the shows more fun.

This marks the...wait, doing some math...let's see, it started with The Killers concert...then Duncan Sheik...Ok Go/Plain White T's/Motion City Soundtrack, Ok Go again this time with Snow Patrol at the Hard Rock in Orlando...Hot Hot Heat...Tori Amos...They Might Be Giants...Jonathan Coulton with Paul & Storm...and Jonathan Coulton again, this time with John Roderick of The Long Winters.

Back in 2006 with Duncan Sheik 

2012 with Jonathan Coulton

So that's nine shows over the course of our friendship. Several of those shows have been at the State Theatre. One of them involved driving to another city and staying in a hotel, then running around two theme parks for a day and then going to the show. That was fun. Exhausting, but fun. There have been countless adventures and outings and fun times. Concerts, movies, theme parks, museums, aquariums, parks, festivals, drunken sleepovers...my life has been made more whole and more interesting because of this relationship, and I can only hope that what I bring to the friendship comes remotely close to what it has brought to me over the years. 

My friendship with M is now one of my most lasting and closest relationships. It has weathered going on nine years of getting-to-know-you and now-that-I-know-you experiences, has survived distance and busy schedules, and as time goes on we seem to be seeing less and less of each other, but we continue to make an effort. Because friendships are vital, and good friendships are something to cherish. 

Dear fwend: I love you!

Please stand by!

This blog is on a very brief hiatus while I work on writing and some other projects. I'll be back, though! You can't get rid of me that easily.

:(

Stupid wisdom teeth! I will have my vengeance, soon. Yes. I will.

Holy sands of time, Batman...

I just realized that this year, my blog entered into its fifth year. Five years of angst, observations and attempts at humor. Five years of a tiny handful of regular readers. A whole lot of myself posted all over my own private corner of the internet, using the blog as confessor and balm for my soul. Time sure does fly.

Happy (belated) birthday to my Invisible Blog!!

Rivaling Madame Tussaud's Best Work

No offense to the Catholics out there who buy into this, but I find this whole thing suspect:


From comments on the Facebook post: "he is what they call incorruptible- his remains have not decomposed for 2oo years- highly spiritual things to catholics. they consider it is because of Gods intervention that he has not decomposed. this is what they refer to as a "relic"."

One, this is reminiscent of the diefication of political figures such as Lenin - what's that thing about worshipping idols? Oh, it's a *religious icon*. Totally okay, then... And second, unless this thing they've got this corpse in situ is technologically advanced and completely airtight-and-vacuum-sealed, I call shenanigans. That doesn't even look like real hair! He's the Patron Saint of Stage Magicians according to Wiki, which does not address this holy pilgrimage cum corpse parade - I couldn't really find anything about this macabre road show on a cursory search of the 'nets!

Oh, stop the presses - here's an update: in a story about the actual event, it notes that the "body" is a fiberglass replica and the "relics" (a finger and some skin tissue), are stored inside the fiberglass replica. No less bizarre of a practice, in my opinion, but explains why in photos of the body it looked like a mannequin!

Say a little prayer

Jesus. The world sure is full of...


We are all royally screwed.

Amen.

Query...

If I blogged aboute really popular topics would it drive page views, or whatever those web-fu people call it? (I saw a job advertised as 'WEB EVANGELIST' the other day. Seriously - web "master" wasn't grandiose enough?) I mean, I'm sure I could go on and on about the coke-whore starlet of the week, or that dickweed pastor who apparently thinks 'Farenheit 451' is a how-to guide of some sort, or how Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck's plan to "celebrate" (!?!) September 11th is nothing more than a disgusting money-grab aimed less at memorializing and honoring the dead as having their own names in headlines, but those topics are usually well covered by writers with far superior wordsmithing skills and a broader readership already. But if I more actively shared this private corner of my universe, where I wax rather unpoetically on topics directly relating to me and my worldview with really irregularly timed content, would visits to my blog increase? If I self-marketed more? Should I even want people to read this ennui-filled, angst-ridden mess at all?

How about if I talked about boobs? Because today, I'm very boob-centric today (it's a topic close to my heart, ahahaha, errr...sorry), so it's foremost on my mind this morning. So maybe I will. Later. After doing some work and filing and lunch. Maybe by then I'll be past this topic of discussion onto something less...likely to get my comments uber-spammed.

Get me another round, barkeep!

You're just in time for another fabulous round of everyone's favorite game, "Awesome/Not Awesome":

Awesome: Thai tea with lunch

Not Awesome: Lunch taking forever and being kind of lackluster

Awesome: Having that one waiter again - you know, that one with the accent, he may be Italian or even Greek

Not Awesome: Today is Monday, I have a headache, and want to take a nap

Awesome: One week until the second road trip of the summer

Not Awesome: Having to come back to work after road trip numero dos

Not Awesome, special Bounus Round edition: Finding a cool opportunity that would not require a loss of benefits, or a commute (it's right around the corner!), but upon asking for a letter of recommendation from a manager from another area who used to work for the manager of the program that has the vacancy, being advised that the potential supervisor may be kind of a task-master with ridiculously high expectations, even of support staff

Why does *everything* always seem to have some kind of hitch?!?

Vacation, I neeeed you!!!

File under "That's Just Not Right!"...

Ummm...

Warner Brothers. :headshake:

Someone...

Somewhere...

Has taken to spamming my comments. Whoever you are, I do monitor my comments.

So knock it off. Dickhole.

It's only *time* after all...we've got *plenty* of that

I hate people who waste my time. I hate projects that are assigned for no purpose other than because someone can. I hate directions that are incomplete and meandering, and delivered by someone with more education but less skill. I hate feeling trapped. I hate having no compass, let alone anything remotely resembling a roadmap. I hate having to manipulate data to match someone's idea of what the data should reflect, not what the data actually shows. If a manager is dedicated to the success of the team, they must be devoted to the success of the individual. A failing individual means the guaranteed failure of the team, over the long term. If a manager is a poor leader, the poorly led are not going to manage.

I know it may be this way wherever I may choose to go. But at least it won't be done under the guise of high ethical standards and "academic integrity". Recent events have reminded me as to the value of time. I had forgotten. It's finite. Use what you've got. Because it's all you have.

Because being cheap is quite the positive attribute

There's now a sign on the refrigerator next door stating that the bottles of water and Coke on the bottom shelf are for the chief executive and Governor's guests only. (The Governor steps foot in the office he keeps here *maybe* three times a year.) That's fine. I guess I can understand that. Although, that *is* a communal fridge and a common breakroom, and a case of water costs less than ten dollars. But overlooking handful of staff in the offices that commonly do business in that suite taking the occassional bottle of water is apparently cutting into their "giftbags and assorted bs" budget. In addition to this, there's now a sign by the coffee machine saying that we're "welcome" to partake in the often poorly brewed coffee from the big percolator, but that contributions to the supplies are "appreciated". Half the time, when I go over there, the executive's assistant hasn't even bothered to make it, so I end up doing it (which is fine, because a lot of people over here brew something that resembles burnt tar). I love when the illusion of generosity gets ripped away, and you can see what's really underneath: a bunch of people pinching a penny and losing a pound as they pander to politicians and corporate muckity-mucks who ultimately will do very little to contribute to the success of this institution, as the ridiculously loyal staff (not all of them hard-working, but, still...) continue to get squeezed. No COL in four years, because we're "state employees" when it suits the legislature. Budget cuts for two years, affecting primarily the staff levels, and hitting maintenance especially hard. The ability to pay $10K for a cubicle for an executive assistant who turns around and retires, and various under the radar increases for favorite employees or as hush money for others, but little money and advancement opportunity for those who really are working their asses off. It all adds up to the hard truth that I've worked here way too long.

More dusters and period drama, less sharp clavicle

So, no updates because I'm working on filling my brain with alternate reality, alt-history fiction. And work sucks. And I'm exhausted. And I'm looking for a new job. That's...pretty much it.

I had an anonymous SPAM comment posted on my last missive. Haven't had one of those in a while. Ahh, nostalgia.

And now, for something completely different - all refined brooding and repressed passions courtesy of those loves at the BBC: a nonworking link to a YouTube video that doesn't fit the tables in this here blog. (Thanks loads, Google, for making your products sooo compatible with each other. You're a peach!). Alas. Alack. Well, look up the miniseries "Little Dorrit", to see what I was talking about (OMG DUSTERCOAT), and *then*do yourself the favor of tracking down the 1998 version of "Wuthering Heights" where Matthew MacFadyen plays Hareton Earnshaw.

Sadomasichism at its finest as the hallmark of higher ed

It looks like I got a B in the Anthropology class. I somehow managed to just about bomb the last exam, with a 78 (C grade). If I'd have done an extra credit project, I'd have enough points to have an A overall. But I didn't do extra credit because I didn't think I was going to completely tank the last test. I feel like I've failed every expectation I set for myself. I feel like giving up. Update: final grade was 89.75 - she set my letter grade as an A-. Huzzah!!

To add insult to injury, I got *this* delightful message today (names and identifying info have been removed so as to protect...whoever needs protecting from whatever I'm protecting them from or somesuch...):

Hi [Redacted],
You have successfully shared your eportfolio, but unfortunately it is listed as "under construction" and the links to the response papers do not function. Please be certain to address these issues ASAP: remember that (as per the syllabus) failure to submit your response papers to your Eportfolio will result in an F for the course.

Note: the Eportfolio is not the same as SafeAssignment: papers submitted to SafeAssignment will not appear in your Eportfolio. For instructions on how to create an Eportfolio and upload documents to it, please look under "Course Documents" for this class.

If after reading through the instructions you are having difficulty with the Eportfolio, I encourage you to stop by my office hours and I will work with you to address any problems. However, you must do this as quickly as possible, as the semester ends shortly.

Dr. [Redacted]

Sooo. I'm left to wonder - am I the only one still having problems with this part of the class? This feels like a form letter, so it's possible that this was sent out to some of the other people in the class. But that message is what greeted me first thing in the morning, because he didn't send it out until 8:30 last night. Today is technically the last day of classes. So, what - he didn't check the submissions on the due dates and notify his students immediately that there was a problem so we could troubleshoot? Not to mention the fact that my particular issue wasn't covered by the instructions we were given, so I had to suss out the solution to why he was getting an "under construction" error. All I know is that my portfolio has been set up since January and we've had two assignments to submit since that time, and I hustled to get them in on deadline...and he notifies me basically a day before the last day of classes that he can't see the papers I submitted and I might end up having to take an F in the class that I've worked really hard in? Seriously?

R.A.G.E.

News from the front

A wire update on the ongoing war effort: the Germans are advancing and the Pacific theater is a mess of warships and jungle combat. Higher casualties than previously anticipated are being reported. The rationing continues, and everyone is encouraged to plant a victory garden and pray for the safe return of our boys overseas.

One of the HR people just barged into my office, after the most perfunctory of knocks, and proceeded to rail at me about something that someone told her I said. She didn't want to listen to what I had to say, she just wanted to be upset (trust me, it doesn't take much), especially because she's had previous run-ins with the person she was originally arguing with -- about document shredding, in this case. Office resources are highly emotional topics around here, and cause conflict ridiculously easily, so the heated discussion migrates to other points of contention, my name gets brought into the mix, and this lady wants to be mad at me because I said that HR uses twice as much paper as I do, but I buy half of the paper for this whole office and it's affecting my budget, so I may have to start tracking the paper I *actually* use from the HR stock and cover just the cost of that. It's worth almost shouting at me, apparently? HR is populated by a group of individuals not known for their logic and rational thinking. I don't have time for this childishness...some of us have actual business to attend to.

My shipyards are commissioning new warships as we speak, and ground forces are being given orders to overtake and neutralize enemy positions at all costs.

This is a hair post

Haha! I want several of the shirts offered by Hirsutehistory. But I think you know which one I really, really covet...

By the way, today sucked: my job is wearing me down (and filling me with a wretched emotional cocktail that's equal parts rage and despair, with a sidecar of malaise to chase it all down with), I have a paper due *tomorrow*, which is stressing me out, I have to be in training most of tomorrow - and then go to class (to turn in this bastard response paper), and not even the prospect of a visit to the homestead of the writer who made Cross Creek famous (all thanks to the story of a little Florida Cracker boy and his pet deer) and celebrating my son's birthday this weekend are doing much to boost my spirits.

(I'm so bitter I can't even spell or manage my apostrophes correctly...)

Where's my socialist healthcare, bitches?!

SO MUCH WHARGARRRBBBLLL IN THE HOUSE!! I've just watched *endless hours* of grandstanding. This. Changes. Nothing. Please stop invoking the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the civil rights struggle and dredging up the bloated ghost of Ted Kennedy. I have less faith in the system of government that's supposed to serve the will of the people than I ever have, after seeing how self-serving and partisan almost EVERY SINGLE member of the House of Representatives is, regardless of party affiliation, after these many hours of televised posturing and fear-mongering. And they haven't even gotten to the damn *vote* yet!

As an aside, Jesse Jackson, Jr. is a total badass, and I hope to see good things of him in his political career.

The PC Patrol Cometh

Just got this notice in my email re: our next contemporary lit assignment:

"Just to quickly re-iterate a "parental guidance" announcement that I made on the first day of class: of the semester's texts, Skins is perhaps the most violent and sexually explicit-- definitely R-rated stuff. If you are uncomfortable with such issues, let me know in advance and I will assign an alternative novel for you to read (the content of which you will be responsible for on the final exam, and for which you will write an alternative response paper)."

1) I hope someone didn't complain because their delicate sensibilities got all in a wad. Because I'd have to taunt them and call them names.

2) I think that our last assignment 'Bearheart' is much more sexually explicit. And very, very WEIRD. (I've...kind of read ahead a little...).

I could be wrong on both counts, because he could just be assuming he has pussy cry-babies in this class and is hedging his bets, and since I'm not done with 'Skins' yet, I could be unaware of escalating sexual content. I'm a few chapters in, and it's definitely there, and the violence is there already too, but they are activities in context of the overall story.

Further Adventures in Superstitious Thinking

This morning during my typical walk from where my car is parked to the building I actually attempt to do work in, I saw one of our resident ospreys land on the roof of the building I was walking next to. For anyone who has ever had the misfortune of being crapped on by a seabird, you completely understand why I moved away from the sidewalk to avoid walking under the building. I love when the ospreys use my office building as their launch zone, though. I'll take little breaks to walk down and watch them circle the harbor. I heard the osprey perched on the research building calling, so I assumed its mate was close by, and as I watched, the first bird flew to the next building and was joined by an additional osprey. Then, the first two were followed by a third flying over to them from the port side of the peninsula. Three ospreys! This is double lucky because it fufills my superstition about the Rule of Three, and I consider birds of prey to be fortuitous. The third osprey is probably the adolescent from a couple of nesting seasons ago. I'm hopeing the breeding pair nests nearby this year, and if we're lucky we'll get to see them quite a bit this summer.

Which brings me to my Anthropology class from last night, and a story I'd like to file under the old adage (paraphrased): "Better to keep quiet and have people think you're a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt". This week's lecture was about religion, which the professor admits is one of her favorite topics to teach, although her lesson plans put emphasis on the indigenous practices and beliefs as opposed to Islamic and Judeo-Christian religions. (Which I can see why - she is an anthropologist, not a theologian, after all.) So, it has more to do with traditional myth and superstition than modern western dogma. During part of her lecture, one poor misguided soul asked a question using the word "primitive" in reference to the cultural beliefs and practices relating to the Trobriand Islanders and the role of the community magician in the fertilization rituals relating to their agricultural practices. The look she gave him should have told him to shut it, but this one must be particularly dense, because when she questioned him on whether he understood the negative implications of a word like primitive when discussing cultural issues, he persisted. This caused the most lively debate I've seen in the class so far. The professor asked him if he remembered our first couple of class lectures, and some of the early reading that addressed the use of certain terms to imply the cultural superiority of western society over others. She asked him why he thought that American ways were better, and although he insisted he didn't think that, he kept vaguely referring to studies that prove western medicine and western technology work far better than indigenous or traditional practices.

Obviously, the kid doesn't know the history of "modern" medicine (or the upswing in what are commonly now thought of as eastern or "holistic" practices, such as massage, accupuncture, herbalism, etc.), or that Big Pharma routinely scours traditional cultural knowledge for sources and alternatives to synthasize as the ingredients in our lab created pharmaceuticals. He also doesn't understand basic agriculture, since we were basically talking about how the Trobriand Islanders have ritualized their fertilization techniques to enhance community cohesion (sort of like a good old fashioned American barn raising...). Helllllo - modern farmers compost too, dumbass! She ended the discussion by saying that by the end of the semester she hoped he came out of her class with a better understanding of the value of different cultural and religious beliefs and practices, and that just because it's "different" than the American way it shouldn't be inferred or implied that it is "less than" or inferior. I'm thinking "Don't count on it, sister".

At the end of the class we watched a film called "In the Light of Reverence" (narrated by Peter Coyote!), about the difficulties faced by many Native American groups in the post-reservation era as they try to preserve part of their culture by engaging in their traditional religious practices. This film made me alternately deeply sad and very, very angry at the ignorance and arrogance of many of the people featured. I understand that it was a film intended to be sympathetic to the native American perspective, and that bias was obvious. BUT - some of the white people interviewed came off as the most bigoted, ass-backward, and ignorant of their own country's history I've seen in quite a while. Or maybe that's me being the culturally insensitive one...

By the way, for those who may be interested, the reason I got a 99 on my outline/lecture, is because I broke my thesis statement up into two sentences, and it's only supposed to be one sentence, so I lost a point. I also didn't put the references cited in alphabetical order, so I lost another partial point (but it looks like she gave me back another half point for something, as she only took one point off overall). Now, in my defense regarding the bibliography, I didn't see anything in the AAA style guide to that effect (though it's possible I may have missed it), and the example outline she provided that she directed us to use as our template didn't appear to have the references in alphabetical order either. But I'm not going to quibble over petty little things like that - there were no marks off for the content, spelling or grammar, and she wrote "Excellent" under my grade, so I can be satisfied that I earned that grade!